“Argh!” She spins and claps a hand to her chest, coughing out a loud, nervous laugh. “Geez. You scared me!”
“Sorry.” I mash the button on my bed remote, drawing the top end higher until my pillows shift and my ribs contract, then twisting under the sheets and sitting up, I drag my blankets to my lap and fix my pyjama top, tugging the silky material across to cover my shoulder. Releasing a long, sleepy yawn, I tuck messy locks behind my ears, and all along, I study the heaped tray of food.
I don’t think Ollie’s even on shift yet, which means the extra fruit cup and chocolate milk are gifts from Janine.
“Between you and Doctor Darling, all this extra food you sneak into my room is gonna blow the hospital budget and cost someone their job.” I slide my tongue across my lips, wetting them to combat the cold, dry air the hospital pumps into every room. “I like it, though.”
Grinning, she comes back and rests her hip against the side of my bed. “Ollie’s adamant you leave this place heavier than when you arrived.”
When I leave…today.
My stomach rolls at the thought, a sickly sludge of dread coating my organs until my lungs struggle to expand and my heart tires under theonslaught of hard work. But I show as little of that to her as I can, and Idefinitelybottle it up when Ollie’s around.
He worries too much.
I peek toward the door to make sure he’s not here, then I draw my focus back to the tray and select an apple juice, stabbing a straw through the foil top and bringing the other end to my lips. “I’m leaving today.” I fold my legs beneath the blankets, sitting crisscross-style and slumping forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “Ollie was telling me about this place in the next town over. It’s like a dorm room thing, with loads of other women I could probably make friends with.”
“Yeah.” She searches her pocket for a beat, sifting through the contents and coming out again with a Starburst candy. Unwrapping it, she scrunches the trash in one hand and tosses the candy onto her tongue with the other. “I checked out their website and saw a bunch of amazing reviews. They’re changing lives, and their reputation is spotless.” She shrugs. “If youhaveto leave, I think this is the best place for you.”
“Mm.” I stare down at my juice. “I know none of this is your responsibility, and it’s not Ollie’s responsibility either. But I really appreciate that you guys are helping me.”
“Of course. We want what’s best for you, Rose. And I truly think the universe was looking out for you the night you got hurt. You could’ve been in any town and ended up in any hospital. Butthisis where you came. And Ollie is who you got.”
I nibble on the inside of my lip and nod. “I got very lucky, I know.”
“Except for the getting hit by a car thing.”
I choke out a laugh, the sound scratchy and weak as it works along my throat. “Except for that bit. But I suppose if a womanmustbe hit by a car and if shemustend up in a small town in the middle of nowhere with doctors and nurses who havenorespect for a healthy work/life balance, then this was a good place to land.” I bring the juice up to my lips and take a small sip. Just enough to wet my tongue and soothe my throat. “I’m scared of what’s next.” Sniffling, I look to the door again to make sure Ollie isn’t around. “I don’t wanna say anything in front of him, because weknowhe wants to fix everything. It’s like he’s got this hero complex. Like he’d sacrifice himself for literally anyone else.”
She snorts. “That bump on your head didnothingto dull your observation skills. You’re exactly right about him.” She dips her hand and the candy trash back into her pocket, hitching her hip against the side of my bed. “Ollie cares more than he should aboutmostof his patients. He cares about you even more than that. And yeah.” She nods, swinging kind eyes back to me. “He would sacrifice himself for others. He wouldn’t even think about it. He’d justdo. It’s who he is.”
“Which is why he needs to believe I’ll be okay. That Iwantto go to that place in Barlespy. Even though it scares me.” I swallow the lump in my throat, the croak draped around my words. And taking another sip of my juice, I draw a long, lung-filling breath. “He was telling me about the gardens and rec room and the doctors who own The Wallflower.” I reach forward with a shaky hand and gingerly pick up the wax-paper pamphlet he left last night. “It’s like he was trying to convince us both,so I nodded and smiled and held my feelings in, because heneedsto be okay. He needs to know I’m happy. But I just…” I drop my hands into my lap and sigh. “I’m scared. Because I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know where I’m supposed to go next. I don’t have a job, or a bank account, or a home—or, well…” My breath comes out on a shuddering exhale. “I guess I probably do.Somewhere. But I don’t know where, and rent will be due at the end of the month, which I obviously won’t pay, since I don’t remember who the hell I’m supposed to send the money to. So then my landlord will pack my things up and toss them onto the curb, and then I’llreallyhave no home. I don’t know what job I could do, because I don’t know what things I’m good at. And maybe The Wallflower is where I’m supposed to be. Maybe it’ll be good for me. Somewhere I can stop and catch my breath. But it’s just…” I sniffle. “I feel like…”
“Your life is on hold?” Her brows furrow over shining, sympathetic eyes. “Like you know you have a lifesomewhere, but it’s racing ahead and leaving you behind.”
“Exactly. I probably had friends and plans. Goals. Vacations. A career.” I bring my hand up and swipe a silly, treacherous tear from my cheek. “I’m afraid to start something new, because what if I choose the wrong thing? What if, before, I was…” I glance around my room, searching, considering, then I look her up and down. “What if I was a nurse, but I go to The Wallflower and realize I really like to cook, so then I become a chef, until eventually, my memories come back and I find myself in a position where I have a nursing degree, but also, a job at a restaurant. I’ll have to choose, and no matter what, I will have wasted time and energy doing the wrong thing. So now I’m in this weird in-between state where the only thing I’m doing is waiting. For my memories to return. For my old life to find me. For me to remember who the hell I am. But I’mequallyafraid of doing nothing, because what if my memoriesnevercome back? I’ll have wasted all this time waiting.”
She places her hand over mine, brushing my fingers with soft, slow, repetitive strokes. “I think your fears are completely valid, and I also thinkyou’re handling a horrible situation with more grace and dignity than I ever could. You’ve been through a lot, Rose. Your entire life has been turned on its head, and today, everything shifts again. You have everyright to be terrified, but instead of kicking and screaming and wallowing in how ridiculously unfair this is—” She pushes off my bed and steps in my way, blocking my view of the door. “—you keep looking to make sure Ollie doesn’t overhear a single thing you say.”
Busted, warmth fills my cheeks and forms a lump in my throat.
“You’re more concerned about his feelings than you are your own.”
“I just don’t want to make things worse.” I set my juice back on the tray and swipe a hot, frustrating tear from my cheek before it rolls all the way to my jaw. “Makes us quite the pair, huh?”
Her lips curl into a sweet smile. “Like I said, the universe was looking out for you. And in the meantime, I’m glad you feel comfortable telling me the things you don’t want to say in front of Ollie. Like not having a bank account.”
“Or a job.” I inhale a shuddering, shaking breath. “And how I’m too much of a coward to become a chef, just in case I’m supposed to be a nurse.”
She snickers and hitches her leg up on the side of my bed, taking the weight off her feet. “Getting it wrong sounds really scary, I know. But doing nothing at all would be worse, I think. Consider this a chance to reinvent yourself. Pick anything in the entire world, whatever makes your heart happy, and do that. Worst-case scenario, your memories come back and you realize you were a nurse, or a chef, or a schoolteacher, or one of a million other jobs, and then you go back to that and still have these new experiences to remember. Best case, it turns out you absolutely hated your old job. You hated it so much, you thought a walk in the snow with too few clothes and absolutely no street sense was a better idea. Now you have this new career. New skills. New experiences. Which is another way of saying you have options.”
“And my future after The Wallflower?” I rasp. “I have no ID, which means I can’t get a license. Can’t drive a car. Can’t open a bank account. If I have no bank account, I can’t rent somewhere to live. I’ll be stuck in this loop of nothingness?—”
“You won’t,” she presses, squeezing my hand. “Because the folks at The Wallflower will help you. In a little while, if your memory still hasn’t come back and nothing else changes, then you’ll go to a judge and get brand new documents. You’ll be able to pick whatever name you like, and with those court orders, you’ll get a license. A bank account. You could rent a place and enjoy your new life as a chef… or whatever.”
I snicker, soft and watery and pathetically quiet, and dropping my gaze, I study our joined hands. “I suppose there’s a solution for every problem if we look hard enough, right?”
“Right.” She glances right and flashes a dazzling grin, because amoment after that, Ollie stops in the doorway, carrying a paper bag and a fake smile.
