I hear him in my memories. His friendly words. His kindness.
I startle when my phone vibrates against the counter, buzzing and then trilling. The screen lights up, and Billy’s name flashes for attention. Swallowing the odd lump of nerves balled in my throat, I swipe and accept the call, picking the device up and pressing it to my ear. “Hi, Billy.”
“Hey.” His feet tap against the linoleum of, I assume, the police station. In my mind, I see him rushing from one end of the building to the other. “I just got off the phone with Judge Piatkedes. I don’t know if Ollie had a chance to tell you, but we wanna pull the files from?—”
“My therapists’ notes?” I rest my elbows on the counter and carefully scratch the side of Poppy’s belly with my toes. “Yeah. He told me. I’d be interested in reading them, too.”
“I’ll send ‘em over the instant I have them. I also put in a call to your old job this morning. Spoke to your former boss.”
“Really?” Why do I feel this sense of longing for people I don’t know? Emotional pining for a place I don’t remember? “What was that like?”
He breathes out a sighing smile. Affection, I’m certain. “They love you, Rose.” He passes through to a new room, slamming the door in his wake. “Jesus, they love you. I know things didn’t start out totally smooth between you and me—that’s on me—but the people in your past have nothing but good things to say about you.”
“That feels nice. Did they have anything helpful to add to all this?”
“Yeah.” His tone changes from friendly to hunter. From easy to hard. “They said you and this dude, Liam, were basically best friends. You were tight.”
“I mean…” My hair tumbles forward and tickles my jaw, so I curl my finger through the lock and play with the length. “Darcy basically said that already.”
“He said Liam wanted you romantically. Your boss—Kaitlin—said Liam was always andonlyever a gentleman. He loved you, yes. But when I asked her about the almost-kiss and the big falling out, she had no clue what I was talking about.”
“She…” I release my breath on a sharp exhale. “What?”
“I’m still looking into it, but she was firm on the whole subject. And get this: she mentioned Liam’s military history. Said how honored she was to have him on her team at the nursery. How, even though he was no longer in active service, she felt safer having him there.”
“M-military?”
“Yeah. But it gets even better. He was an Army Ranger, Rose. Same platoon as your brother. He was wounded in the same mission that killed Seth and was medically discharged right after.”
“Wounded?” The word catches in my throat. Bubbling and aching and sending bolts of pain to the base of my stomach. “What kind of wounds?”
“A few.” He flips through pages on his end of the line. “Gunshots—multiple. There was an incident that involved a bunch of underground tunnels, and during a gunfight, one of the tunnels collapsed. The falling rock and debris saved the platoon’s lives; it cut their enemy off and provided the team with a chance to escape, but Liam suffered a skull fracture after a massive chunk of the tunnel wall toppled over him. He was medevacked out and rushed into surgery, and although he lived—intellectually and mentally, he recovered fine—he was left with a weakness in his skull that meant he wouldn’t be allowed to serve anymore. Add in something the doctors called corneal degeneration, and he was officially retired at the ripe old age of twenty-two. He came home, got a job where he could play with flowers and haul dirt in the sun all day, and he was a happy camper. Kaitlin says he was a glass-half-full type. He wasn’t bitter and mean ‘cos he couldn’t serve anymore. He was just glad to be alive and, according to everyone over at the nursery, he was determined to makeyourlife easier. He felt he owed a debt to Seth.”
“So he wanted to protect me…” Frowning, I trace the tip of my finger around my sketch of Liam’s wire-frame glasses. “I-is he dead, Billy?” I sniffle and swipe beneath my nose. “I dreamed that I killed him, so I?—”
“Looking for him now.” A knock on his end of the line echoes into my chest. While Billy listens to the muttered words coming through the door, I take a moment to tuck my hair back and exhale. To swallow the ache in my throat and settle. “Alright, Rose.” The door closes again, and Billy comes back to me. “That was Ramone. He said Judge Piatkedes signed the orders, so I’m gonna go see what I can see. I’ve also got a line out with Seth’s and Liam’s former CO. No one knows Liam’s whereabouts right now, but I’m gonna do my best to bring him out of hiding if I can. He’s got training that means he could stay hidden for good if he wants to—skull injury or not—but I’ll do my best. I’ll send over the therapist files when I get them.”
“Right away? Or do you have to go through them first?”
“They’re yours, so I’ll send them as soon as I have them. We can read at the same time.”
“Okay.” I straighten my spine and sit taller. “I’ll be around. And Billy?”
He pushes through a doorway and emerges into a noisier section of the police station. He’s on the move, just like he promised. “Yeah?”
“I don’t know if I’m forgetful because of…” I tilt my head from side to side. “Ya know, my brain injury, or if it was because of the excess alcohol I drank that night. And I don’t even know if you know—if Ollie told you, or Eliza or?—”
“You wanna headline it for me, Rose? Kinda busy over here.”
I cough out an embarrassed laugh. Shaky and silly and emotional and, more than anything else, nervous. “Sorry. The headline is that I got insanely drunk with Ollie’s sisters, Alana, and Fox a while back. The kind of drunk that meant I didn’t really want to live the next day. And then I guess I forgot a bunch of what happened, since alcohol is bad.” I press a hand to my stomach—remembered trauma and the nausea that followed. “I might’ve started talking shit about you that night, ‘cos drunk women say dumb things, and I hadn’t forgotten how you were kind of a dick when we first met.”
He chuckles. “Drunk chicks bitching about me. That takes me right back to high school. What about it?”
“Raquel told me about Aria.” I say it quickly. Like swallowing a nasty-flavored pill. “I said how you seemed to be a bit of a douchebag—which I feel bad about now, just so you know—and Raquel told mewhyyou’re a douchebag. And anyway…” I catch the rumble of an engine outside. The crackle of tires on gravel. I turn on my stool and slide to my socked feet. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine the pain you must’ve felt, bringing a brand-new baby home, but leaving your wife behind. That was unreasonably cruel of the universe.”
“Yeah, well…” He drops onto a squeaky chair, the frame groaning and griping under his weight. “It happens, huh? Wasn’t the first time the universe decided to fuck me over. Probably won’t be the last. Leave this stuff with me, and I’ll try to connect some more dots. I’ll email all the files over as I get them.”
“Okay.” I don’t get a chance to say goodbye. There will be no weird farewells with Billy the detective, because he kills our call without another word, cutting me off and ending the torment of talking about feelings… or his dead wife. Lowering the phone and wandering across the kitchen, I cross the hall and move through the living room. Peeking through the window overlooking Ollie’s front yard, I catch the glitter and gleam of Darcy’s car in the driveway.
