His pulse slams against the side of his neck, furiously fast, even if the rest of his body remains perfectly still. “You’re meeting up again tomorrow?”
Shame lashes across my stomach, like I have something to feel guilty for. Like I’ve done something wrong. “He offered to catch up again, because I still have questions. He suggested dinner, but I didn’t… I don’t…” I lick my lips, dropping my gaze. “I’ve spent so much time over the last few months waiting for you to finish work, just so I could be with you again. I’m committed to hearing Darcy out because knowing who I am matters, and knowing where I came from is important. And he told me a lot…” Tears fill my eyes, burning and itching as I bring my focus up again. “A lot. Things that are devastating and all-consuming and interesting. But I couldn’t stop wishing I was here with you.” I sniffle and swipe my nose, my breath coming out on a hitched, shaking exhale. “I found out tonight I had a brother. A big brother who was protective and amazing and brave. He was a smartass,” I snicker, watery and weak. “He fought and died for our country. I found out I’ve traveleda lot. I’ve been to Paris and Rome and Saint Petersburg. I’ve swum amongst the corals on the east coast of Australia, and walked the entire length of China’s Great Wall. I like to travel,” I murmur. “Darcy said I was at my happiest when I got to explore somewhere new. He said there wasn’t a plant I couldn’t bring back from the dead, and there wasn’t a household task—one typically expected of a man—that I couldn’t do myself.”
“Like finishing a deck?” he rumbles. “In the snow.”
I choke out a laugh and wipe the fresh tears from my eyes. “Exactly. Like building shelves for my greenhouse. Like building a greenhouse from reclaimed wood and stones and whatever other materials I could find. He said I always wanted a pet, but we were away from the house for so many hours every day, I never truly committed. Instead, I spent a couple of weekends every month volunteering at the pound, just so I could walk the dogs and pat the cats. And I guess I had a lot of Poppy’s fur on my shirt, because after a little while, Darcy started sneezing a lot. He’s allergic. I was learning all of these things about myself, and I was paying attention, I swear. But there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t wonder whatyouwere doing. Or if you were sad. I wondered if you were mad at me, even thoughyou said you weren’t. I wondered if you would drop by the restaurant, even though you said you wouldn’t. I was sitting across from this man who knows everything about me. He’s the key to my past, to my entire adult life, but I wished I were sitting across fromyou. So when he asked to do it again, and the idea of spending another evening with him gave me a stomachache, I countered and offered lunch. Daylight. Safe. I wouldn’t lose time with you, since you’d be at work anyway, and it meant I could spend hours with him and still make it home for dinner.”
“This is toxic.” His eyes flicker between mine. Searching. Probing. His bicep bulges in my peripherals, but still, he doesn’t touch. “He’s your fiancé, Rose. I’m just the guy who put a couple of stitches in your ribs and shared my jelly cups with you.”
“I want to sleep in your room tonight.” I sniffle and choke on my breath, aching and desperate. Becauselookingat Ollie makes me feel guilty, like I’m betraying Darcy. But being with Darcy makes me feel guilty too, because I feel love in my heart… but it’s not for the man whose diamond ring sits prominently on my bedside table. “Not to have sex or anything. It’s not…” I shake my head. “I’m not…”
“I get it.” He cups my face, dragging the pad of his thumb beneath my eye to collect fallen tears. “It’s okay, Rose. I understand.”
“I’m sorry this is all so messy.”
“It’s alright.” He slides his hand down and wraps his fingers around mine, twining them together and stroking a soothing pattern against my wrist. Then he steps away, flipping lights out as we go and leading me into the hall. “What did you learn about yourself tonight?”
“That I like to paint and draw, which I suppose isn’t all that surprising, since I was drawing Liam a lot.” I cuddle Poppy against my neck, nuzzling her close until her contented purrs vibrate all the way to the base of my soul. “He said I’m afixer, always trying to please everyone else, even at the cost of my own happiness.”
Ollie snorts, soft and breathy, and leads me through his bedroom door. “I could’ve told you that.”
“He said I was a bit of a nerd. I read a lot and stayed current with world events. I was political and didn’t mind discussing politics at the dinner table.”
“Risky.” He walks all the way to his bed and gently tugs me around, pressing his hands to my shoulders and pushing me to sit. Then he lowers onto his knee and carefully drags the zipper down on the side of my boots. Left first. Then the right. He peels my socks off and massages my calf muscle through the barrier of my jeans. “A smart woman is a dangerous woman.” He peeks up from beneath his lashes. “What else?”
“That my parents’ marriage was happy, and even when I was deep inmy grief, I remained thankful they were together. He said I wasn’t—I’m not—particularly religious, but I found comfort in the idea of an afterlife, and hoped my mom, dad, grandpa, and brother were happy. Together.”
“Seth?”
Stunned, I blink. Blink. Blink. “H-how did you know his name?”
“Billy’s been hard at work the last two days. He’s pulling files all over, trying to figure things out.” He pushes to his feet and tugs me up with him, then he places his fingers on the button of my jeans, but searches my eyes. “No sex. I’m not even gonna look at your ass, I promise.”
I choke out a soft, whimpering snicker. “You can undo them. It’s okay.”
He unsnaps the button and drags the denim down, rescuing my phone from the limp pocket, the clatter of my corkscrew weapon echoing against the floor. He places both on his bedside table, walks to the doorway, and flips the light out until the room is drenched in darkness, then, coming back, he drags his shirt over his head. But instead of tossing it aside, he stops in front of me in the shadows and peels Poppy from my grasp. She meows and whines, harrumphing as he sets her on the bed, then he carefully undoes my top, drawing the silky material up and letting it drop to the floor. He flips the catch on my bra open and peels the plain cotton away, then finally, he turns his shirt the right way out and plops it over my head. “You can’t comfortably sleep in a bra and jeans. And I’m not gonna make you sleep in your panties and nothing else.”
“So you’ll give me the shirt off your own back?” I lift the fabric to my nose and take a long, appreciative whiff. “Thank you.”
“I’m not as noble as I sound. I have other shirts nearby.” Chuckling, he steps around me and pulls the blankets down, covering Poppy with the sheet because he knows it sends her into a frenzy of escape. Then he helps me onto the bed, sliding in after me and nudging me to my side. He folds me into the shape of his body, tucking his legs up beneath mine and laying his arm across my torso. He settles with his lips and nose not so far from the back of my neck, his warm breath giving him away.
But he doesn’t kiss. Doesn’t taste.
“Are you tired?”
“Exhausted,” I sigh. “But not. Is that crazy?”
“No. It’s normal.” He plays with my hair, stroking the long locks and tangling them around his finger. Poppy, sniffing me out in the dark, plods her way over the dips of valleys of our bodies, climbing the peak of my hips, and tumbling over the other side, where the blankets give way. Then she finds her spot under my chin, curling into place and dropping with a sweet meow.
“Areyoutired?” I whisper. “Can you stay up a little longer and talk?”
“All night, if you want me to.” He drags his fingertips over the ball ofmy shoulder, warming my skin with his every exhale. “Billy’s got an appointment with his judge friend in the morning.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm. He’s heading down to grease some wheels and get things moving a little faster. He’s collected a bunch of information about you now that we have your real name and date of birth, and he’s got a bunch on Bisek, too, since he’s complying and providing consent to pull basically anything we ask for. Getting information on Liam, though, is a little harder, since he’s not here and he hasn’t been seen in a good long while.”
“The judge will make that easier?”
