“C’mon, Maj.” I hoist him up, and he wraps his legs around my waist. “We’ll get you cleaned up in the shower and face this together.”
His phone rings again, and it’s his mom. He’s in no condition to talk, so I answer. “Hi, Kenya. He’s in the shower, but I’m with him, everything is under control, and we have a meeting with the PR director.” After we hang up, I realize that I never gave her my name, but she knew it was me.
His phone lights up with Tyrone’s name, and I silence it, my concern for Jamal growing.
I carry him into the bathroom and don’t let go. While the water heats, I awkwardly, with one hand, place a shower cap over his head. We usually sleep in his room since he has nightly skin and hair routines.
It’s easier to walk us into the water wearing our underwear. His breathing has slowed, but he chokes as he tries to take a deep inhale.
“Thank you,” he says into my neck.
“Didn’t expect this.” I try to set him down, but he’s not having it. “I’m sorry, I should’ve known. John doesn’t make idle threats.” I hold him tightly and won’t let him go until he’s ready.
After a long silence, Jamal pulls back and drops his feet onto the tile. “This isn’t on you. He’s supposed to care about us. He’s the worst excuse for a parent, for a man, on this planet.”
I rotate Jamal so the spray hits his chest and loop my arms under his to massage his face. My thumbs work on loosening his jaw while my fingers caress his temple.
We let the warm water wash over us, not moving until his breathing and heart rate slow down. “Agreed. Now that we’re naked and wet, I really, really need my boyfriend to fuck me.” I grip his ass, then peel off his wet briefs.
“I’ll hurt you,” he counters, but steps out of his drenched underwear.
“Nope.” I kiss him as I strip and bring our bodies back together. His glorious naked skin rubs against mine. “Please,” I beg into his ear. It started off being for him, but I need him.
This could be the last time. He’ll realize I’m not worth the bad press and disgusting headlines. He’ll leave. There’s no reason for him to stay with me. He can find someone nicer and less complicated.
I’ve been living in a fantasy, like we could be something in the real world, out from behind secretly locked doors.
“Kitten, we’ll be okay.” He swivels his hips. “I’m almost at my baseline.”
“Please,” I repeat, hoping I won’t have to say more pathetic words out loud.
Jamal backs us under the spray and reaches for his body wash. I love smelling like him.
When our eyes meet, he’s instantly aware something’s wrong. I duck my head under the water, but he holds my chin.
“This isn’t over. We’re not over.” His eyes blaze with fury when I’m silent.
All I have to do is lie and agree. It’s not his fault, and I won’t hold him to the promise. But by staying silent, I’m failing him—again.
“Theo?” he questions, and I shut my eyes, willing words to exit my mouth.
Nothing comes out, and my mouth hangs open, letting water in. I sputter and expect his anger. He should be angry; he’s telling me what I want to hear and…maybe that’s why it hurts… He cares enough to say the things I need to hear.
I assumed I’d say something stupid to upset him before the end. My silence is worse than cutting words. It’s an admission of hopelessness. Jamal is such a positive person, and I’ll take that from him.
“Theo,” Jamal says softly, and wraps me in his arms. I soak in the warmth of his skin, and my pale arms clutch his back. “It’s okay to be scared. We’re in a crazy situation, but I’m not turning on you as soon as it gets hard.”
I bite his shoulder to keep my emotions in check. Everyone eventually leaves; it’s human nature. My heart tears itself in half, one part for him and the other consumed with fear.
Jamal being on my side and ready to fight to protect me means everything, and now it will be used against us. John is turning an innocent moment of comfort into something vile and hateful.
“Your mom never texted you back, did she?” he asks.
I shrug, not trusting my voice. She’s the last person I want to talk about. My mother’s never there when I need her.
It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.
“I’m sorry she let you down.” He takes me by the shoulders so he can see my face. “I’m not her. Do you hear me?” He gives me a little shake.
