I limit one word to my inhale, hold, then think of another word for my exhale. It takes a long time to work. Words pop into my head so fast I can’t remember them when I need a new word. My mind’s on warp speed, and the brakes are failing.
My heart slows first, and I bend over so my head is between my knees.
My mom always made it clear she loves me, and my heart knows it’s true. I had a harder time believing we were better off without his money. John was cruel and dismissive to O’Keefe, and whatever is going on with his mom, he’s afraid.
I can’t imagine growing up with a stepfather like John. DeAndre loves me like his own son. He’s the only one who has given me an extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. My mom’s family stopped talking to us after my auntie died. It was so lonely. It was the two of us against the world. We didn’t have much, but I never questioned her love.
DeAndre would cut off his own arm before he spoke to me the way John spoke to O’Keefe. He hasn’t heard from his mom in a month. A month. I text with my mom almost daily. During the season, it can be difficult with traveling and time changes, but she’s there when I need her.
I hear a loud whisper that can only be Benz. “I found him. He’s in here.”
Benz, Mav, and Brant sit in the chairs around me without a word. The major panic has passed, and my body functions are in a high-normal range.
“What do you need?” Brant asks.
“A lobotomy.” I scrub a hand over my face and huff.
“Recap,” Mav says. “We won a tough game. Everyone played out of their minds. O’Keefe barreled into the locker room, hyperventilating, and smashed his phone. The security guy came in asking for you and the ban on John King.”
“We put two and two together and figured that’s your bio dad and O’Keefe’s step-demon. What the hell happened?” Benz rubs circles on my back.
“I’m not sure,” I say honestly.
“We got you, man,” Brant says.
“Coach lost it when we realized you were missing, and O’Keefe hurled himself over a cliff.” Mav puts his hands up. “Metaphorically speaking. Are there cliffs in the city?” he asks seriously.
“Do you think he’s okay?” I ask, and get questioning glances. “I mean O’Keefe. You think he’s alright?”
“He wouldn’t talk to anyone and left,” Benz says.
“I need a shower.” I stand, and we check the locker room. It’s empty except for Ace, Gray, Leo, and an assistant coach.
The guys make me promise to text in the team chat when I get home. There’s no way I’m celebrating tonight. All I want to do is find O’Keefe. It’s not a want but a soul-tugging need that if I don’t satisfy, it will rip me apart.
I don’t know where he lives, and his broken phone is sitting on the bench in front of his locker.
Chapter 12
Theo O'Keefe
Fall is warmer in New York than it usually is in Boston. On the cross streets, there’s a biting wind that chills me while I walk aimlessly. I keep my head down and my arms wrapped around my waist.
I can’t go home. It’s John’s apartment, and he’ll be in the primary bedroom. I sleep in one of the guest rooms. Nothing says home like a room decorated for strangers. My mom couldn’t even let me help choose the paint color or bedding for the room I’m living in. It’s a losing battle, and it feels like a war that’s been going on since the day I met John.
A war that I wasn’t aware of for years. As a five-year-old, I thought John was sophisticated and generous. He bought me expensive presents, and Mom and I moved into his enormous house. He’s old money, so the house and staff had been in his family for generations.
I thought I’d won the lottery. I had a nanny to cook and clean for me. A chauffeur drove me to school while I sat in the back.
But it all ended after a reporter and photographer came to the house to interview John and Mom about the wedding. They argued for hours afterward. My mom was screaming about a birth certificate and a bastard boy named Jamal. I thought things would get better after the wedding. I’m not sure if they did because they shipped me off to boarding school and enrolled me in summer sailing camps for weeks at a time. My mom would come visit me on parents’weekend and one other time during the year, even though it was only two hours from our house.
All because John lied to the reporter, explaining that Jamal didn’t live with us because he went to boarding school.
A lie that changed my life.
A lie that kept me from my mother.
I lost it when I called my mom after the game and it went straight to voicemail.
