Par nodded. He was silent for a moment, and then drew in a deep breath and let it out, his shoulders slumping a little. “Sometimes, I just feel… itchy. All over. Like I’m in the wrong body. And if I dress differently and use a different name and people see the right me, it helps, somehow.” He made a face. “That sounds foolish.”
“Not at all,” Tor assured him. “I know we talk a lot about the importance of knowing yourself and being confident and all that, but it absolutely makes a difference how other people see you. How they react and treat you can seep into how you treat yourself, even if you don’t mean it to. You don’t owe people any part of yourself, but you have the right to show them your true self if you want to do so.”
Par leaned into Tor, and Tor wrapped him up in a hug, feeling his slender body with a pang. He was so much bigger than Cala or Hena, but he was still small, still a child, and Tor wanted to protect him from everything.
Like it was a confession, he whispered, “Thurnil said a girl wearing hose is still a girl.”
Oh, he was going down! Tor didn’t care if it started a war.
But then Par drew back and added conspiratorially, “Sol punched him.”
Tor’s eyebrows rose. Quiet, mild-mannered Solil had punched his brother?
“I knew I liked him,” Tor said firmly.
Par was frowning down at his lap now, his hands twisting together.
“But girls do wear hose sometimes, don’t they? Like the ones in your guard?”
Ah.
Tor waited until Par looked up at him again, all dark eyes and pointy chin like his sister. The braid was gone, Par’s hair now cropped short, though it was longer than Tor’s. But that was still all just physical. “Girlscanchoose to wear hose, like my guards or others whose jobs are better served by such clothes. Whether you wear hose or a dress doesn’t matter, or at least it shouldn’t. What matters is who you tell people you are. If you’re telling people you’re not a girl, then no one has the right to tell you you’re wrong, not even your brother.”
Had Varex spentanytime with Thurnil? Or had he just decided that was the best alliance and thrown his only sister at the man? If it wouldn’t endanger Ada, Tor was sure he could arrange an accident. The world would obviously be better off without the man.
Par hesitated and then added, “Thurnil apologized. He always gets it right now.”
“Good,” Tor said emphatically, trying to swallow his own feelings.
This was Par’s brother, and there was a small chance he’d actually learned something. But he thought it was telling that Par didn’t shorten Thurnil’s name the way he did Solil’s. If he wasn’t feeling the familiarity or hadn’t been invited to do so… Yeah, Tor didn’t think he was going to be changing his opinion about Thurnil any time soon.
“If I ever mess it up,” Tor told Par, “it’s me screwing up, not you. Feel free to correct me—or get your brother to punch me.”
Par grinned, wide and open, his body relaxing. “I know you wouldn’t mess up on purpose, Uncle Tor.” Then his expression faltered. “And I know it’s not exactly normal.”
Tor scoffed. “Normal is boring. And let’s say it’s notcommon. Being uncommon is no bad thing, you know.”
It could also be hard and isolating and painful, but Par seemed in need of support right now. Besides, Par had his father and Ada and Solil and Hena. Tor knew they’d support him, and that would surely help a lot.
“People are foolish and unreasonable sometimes,” Tor added. “They make a big deal about body parts when there are obviously way more important aspects of a person. I mean, I like how people look, but I’m not going to be attracted to somebody because they have boobs or don’t have boobs.” Then Tor blanched. “Wait, that sounded better in my head!”
Thankfully, Par dissolved into giggles.
Tor cleared his throat. “Yeah, I was just trying to say your body parts are your business, and you’re made up of so much more than that.”
Goddess preserve him,Adawas going to punch him in the face at this rate.
Par was still smiling. “Thanks, Uncle Tor.”
He was glad Par had taken Tor’s not-entirely-appropriate comment in a stride, but they should probably do something else now.
“Want to go sneak some dessert from the kitchens?” Tor proposed.
That bright grin was back. “Yes!”
So that’s exactly what they did.
Lying in bed that night, Tor pondered if being allied to Lotar was bringing them as much benefit as his brother thought. It was true that if Ada wasn’t here, Tor wouldn’t be visiting like this. He probably wouldn’t know Par and Hena well, and that would have been a shame. But was the alliance actually responsible for keeping the peace? If Ada wasn’t here, was there a better chance that King Stronex would suddenly decide to attack Alossa or any of the other realms?
