“You think I came here to expose you?” I whisper. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”
“I think,” he says slowly, “that you didn’t consider how your presence impacts me.”
The coldness of his words is staggering.
“I spent twenty years without you in my life,” I say. “You don’t get to act like I’m the disruption.”
His jaw tightens.
“It was one night,” he says, like that explains everything. “Your mother and me. I was a young kid, the same age as you actually, playing hockey. I wasn’t ready to give it up or to build a family.”
“You mean you didn’t want me.”
He doesn’t soften.
“She told me she was pregnant,” he says. “I didn’t believe her, so I chose not to involve myself.”
Notcouldn’t.
Notdidn’t know how.
He chose not to be a father.
“Why did you pretend I didn’t exist?”
His eyes flicker. It’s brief, and it’s the closest thing to regret I’ve seen so far.
“All I wanted was a hookup,” he says. “I was young. When you’re in my position, when you’re living that life, women tend to throw themselves at you. I only took what was being offered to me at the time.”
I say nothing.
“Almost seven months later, she showed up after a game,” he says. “Told me she was pregnant.”
My stomach twists.
“And I told her to leave,” he says plainly. “I didn’t believe her.”
You didn’t want to believe her.
“At the time, my now wife and I had just gotten back together.” His voice hardens. “I knew what would happen if something like that got out.”
I swallow hard. “So you decided it wasn’t true.”
“I didn’t believe you were biologically mine.”
The words land like a punch to the gut.
“So you just told her to screw off,” I blurt out, not bothering to mask the way my voice shakes. “You told her you weren’t taking care of a baby that wasn’t yours.”
His silence confirms it.
I press my lips together, trying to keep my breathing even. This is worse than not knowing. Worse than imagining.
“You never bothered to check?” I whisper. “You didn’t care enough to follow up and ask for proof?”
“That’s not—”
I hold my hand up to stop him because I don’t think I can hear another word.
