Thankfully, this place came furnished, so the couches aren’t even mine.
Tessa steps inside, quietly scanning every inch. She hangs her purse on the back of the dining chair and turns to face me. She crosses her arms, like she’s gearing up to see if this is another argument.
I close the door, the lock clicking too loudly in the silence. I run a hand through my hair and then stop to face her. Andstanding there, chest tight, words crowding my throat, I realize this is it.
No rink. No family. No reporters. No one left to blame.
Just Tessa and the truth I should’ve said a long time ago.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Tessa
All of this for him to stand there stoically and not say a word. It makes me want to scream.
We’re standing in his new apartment, and all I can think about is how he’s a stranger to me in this version of his life.
The walls are bare, aside from the boxes stacked against them. Hockey gear is sitting on the floor near the doorway. Binders and mail litter the counter. Don’t even get me started on the couch that looks like it’s staged in some showroom of a furniture store.
This place doesn’t look lived in. It barely looks like it’s being survived in.
Exactly like Clay.
I should feel nothing. I should look at this empty place and remember why I was angry with him. Why I promised myself I wouldn’t let him pull me back in. But my chest still aches anyway.
Because I remember how it felt to be with him. What it felt like to lie in his arms during the storm, the weight of his body pressed against me, and the way he looked at me like I was the only person he could see. For a second, being here feels like falling back into those moments. Just him. Just us.
I hate that I still want him, even now. That being in his space makes my pulse race and my body betray me. I hate that the hurt and the want twist together until I can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.
Clay starts pacing, his jaw tight and his shoulders drawn in like he’s barely holding himself together. The silence is thick enough to choke on, and I realize if he’s not going to be the first to speak, then I will.
“You don’t get to do this,” I snap. “You don’t get to drag me here in the middle of the damn night, stand there like the goddamn world’s crushing you, and say nothing.”
His head lifts, his eyes dark, and his expression unreadable.
“You broke me once at the cabin. And then you broke me again when you fucked me that night, when you promised it wouldn’t end this way, and then you disappeared the following morning without a word. You left a plane ticket on my dresser and told my mom to tell me you took off because ofwork.And now—” My throat catches, my pulse pounding so hard it hurts. “Now you have the nerve to act like this is all hard foryou?”
His head jerks up like I’ve landed a punch. His hands rake hard through his hair, then lock behind his neck, elbows jutting like he was trying to physically hold himself together.
“You think I wanted to hurt you?” His voice is raw. “Jesus, Tessa. You think I haven’t replayed every word I said to you that night? The peaceful look on your face when I climbed out of that bed, knowing when you woke up, I’d be gone? I hate myself for it.”
“Then why?” The words tear out of me. I take a step forward, then stop, pacing because standing still feels impossible. “Why push me away if it kills you to do it? Why leave without a word—like I never meant a damn thing?”
He drags both hands down his face, the scrape of his palms over stubble loud in the quiet apartment. “Because I was scared, okay? Because everything I touch falls apart.” His eyes burn when they meet mine, bloodshot with exhaustion and something darker. “I already blew my shot once. I lost everything I’d worked for. Now I’ve got this chance at Kolmont, and one wrong move could ruin it. My reputation’s hanging by a thread as it is. And if they find out I’m tangled up with my brother’s ex—”
“Don’t you dare.” The words tear out of me before I can stop them. I jab a finger toward his chest, heat buzzing up my arms.“Don’t you dare reduce me to that. I’m not a scandal. I’m not a headline you have to hide from. I’m a person. A woman who trusted you.”
His jaw clenches, and his throat bobs as he forces a heavy swallow. “That’s not what I meant.” His voice is hoarse, like it cost him to admit it. “I meant I didn’t want to drag you into this, to tear you down when they’re looking for any reason to destroy me.” He breaks off, chest rising and falling with every breath. “I can’t shake it. Everyone’s waiting for me to snap, Tessa. If they find out you’re my one weakness, there’s no controlling the way I’d react to them hurting you the way they have me. What happens then, huh? One flash of my temper and I’m exactly who they say I am.”
I laugh. It’s bitter and maniacal because if I don’t laugh, I’ll probably scream. “So your solution is to cut me out first? To shatter me so the rest of the world can’t?” I shake my head, my voice trembling. “That’s not protection, Clay. That’s cowardice. You’re so terrified of failing, you’d rather torch what we had than admit you want this. You’d rather save your career than admit you want me.”
His head drops for a beat, like my words knocked the wind out of him. When he looks back up, his eyes are wild, like a storm waiting to break.
“You think I don’t want you?” He rasps low, stepping toward me. We’re close enough now that I can feel the heat rolling off his body. “You’ve been the only damn thing I’ve wanted since before I kissed you in the hallway three years ago. That’s the problem, Tessa. You make me want things I can’t have.”
My breath hitches, anger colliding with something hotter. “That’s bullshit,” I grit out, my voice cracking with emotion. “You had me, Clay. You already had me, and you threw it away. Not because you couldn’t, but because you were too damn scared of what it meant to keep me.”
The silence that follows is brutal. My chest rises and falls too fast, my skin buzzing like a live wire. Clay looks wrecked. His hands flex into fists, his jaw tight, and his eyes wild, and still, he doesn’t back down.
