She doesn't respond. Her body has gone heavy and limp, her body surrendering to slumber. Sleep has claimed her mid-conversation, and the trust in that, the willingness to let go while held in someone's arms, makes my heart ache with tenderness.
I lie awake for a while, listening to her breathe and the distant rumble of the storm. The lantern light flickers over the cave walls, casting shifting shadows that dance and sway.
Eventually, I sleep too.
I wake to screaming.
Not screaming, exactly – the noise is too strangled for that. It's a horrible, choked sound of pure terror.
A'Vanti is rigid beside me, her body locked in a full-body spasm, every muscle drawn taut as a bowstring. Her eyes are open but unseeing, fixed on a horror that only she can see. Her hands claw at the blankets, and the sounds coming from her throat are not words in any language. They are the raw, animal sounds of a creature fighting for its life.
I've seen this before. Fellow soldiers caught in memories that the sleeping brain can't tell from the present.
"A'Vanti." I keep my voice low and steady. I don't grab her or try to restrain her. Dr. Singh's advice from months ago surfaces in my memory, from the briefing she gave all of us who interacted with the rescued captives. Don't touch without warning. Don't loom. Make yourself smaller. Use their name.
"A'Vanti, it's Cody. You're safe. You're in the springs at Brishar. You're not in the facility. You're safe."
She makes sharp, shallow sounds, each one catching in her throat. Her eyes dart around the shelter without seeing it. I can smell her fear, sharp and acrid, cutting through the mineral scent of the cave.
"You're on Ceraste," I continue, keeping my voice even. "You're in a cave near the springs. I'm here. It's just us. No one is going to hurt you. It's me, Cody – your mate."
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, the rigidity begins to leave her limbs. Her breathing stutters, catches, and then changes rhythm. Her eyes blink, and the glazed, distant look fades by degrees as the present reasserts itself over the past.
"Cody?" Her voice is a cracked whisper.
"Right here."
Her eyes find mine in the dim light, and the raw terror in them nearly breaks me. She looks younger somehow, stripped of every defense and every wall, and for a moment I see the woman she must have been in that cell; alone and afraid and convinced that no one was coming.
"I was—" She swallows hard. "I was back in?—"
"I know." I reach out slowly, giving her time to track the movement, and rest my hand against her cheek.
She flinches at the touch, and I start to pull back, but her hand comes up and covers mine, pressing it harder to her face. Her fingers are trembling.
"Don't," she whispers. "Don't let go."
"I won't. I'm not going anywhere."
I shift closer, still moving slowly, still giving her the choice. She makes it for me. Closing the distance and pressing herself to my chest with a shuddering exhale that I feel through my whole body. Her face presses into the curve of my neck, and her arms wrap around me in a tight grip. I hold her back just as fiercely.
She's shaking. Fine tremors that run through her frame like aftershocks, her body still processing the adrenaline of a threat that isn't here. I wrap my arms around her and tuck her head beneath my chin and do the only thing I can do. I hold on.
"I am sorry," she says, and her voice is small in a way that makes me want to find Queen Diamalla's corpse and bring her back from the dead so I can put her in the ground again myself.
"Don't apologize. Not for this. Never for this."
"I thought I was past this. It has been more than a month since I had a nightmare this severe."
"Hey." I press my lips to her hair. "You spent years in that place. Years. The fact that you're here at all – that you're doingthe work you're doing, rebuilding your planet, living your life – that's incredible. A nightmare doesn't erase any of that."
She's quiet for a long moment. Her trembling begins to subside, though her grip on me doesn't loosen.
"It's the walls," she says finally, her voice steadier. "Of the shelter. When I woke in an enclosed space, in the dark, my mind could not distinguish between here and there. It took me back to the cell."
"Do you want to move? We can sleep out by the pool, under the open cavern. No walls."
She considers this. Then shakes her head. "No. I do not want the nightmare to dictate where I sleep. I am here. With you. And this is not that place."
