"I wonder what command wants." Paige's eyebrows rise.
I shrug, equally unsure. "I'm not sure how long this meeting will go. But I will try to make it tonight."
"You better." Paige opens her arms. "Bring it in."
The hug catches me off guard, as it always does. Human customs around physical affection are still strange to me – all this casual touching, this easy intimacy between friends. But I've learned to accept it from Paige. To even appreciate it.
I lean into the embrace, and the press of her rounded belly into my stomach sends an unexpected pang through my chest.
D'Vorak's words echo in my mind. My duty.
I'm not jealous of Paige. That's not the right word for this hollow ache beneath my ribs. Before the genocide, I was focused on my career, my architecture, and my research. The notion ofmotherhood seemed distant and abstract, a goal other females pursued.
But now, with Paige's pregnant belly pressed against me and D'Vorak's accusations ringing in my ears, I feel… something. A complicated tangle of emotions I can't quite name. Loss, maybe. Every male who approaches me acts as though my womb is community property, as though wanting children on my own timeline is a luxury our species can no longer afford.
But I refuse to bring a child into this universe out of obligation. If I become a mother, it will be because I want it. Because I've found a partner I love and built a life I want to share. Not because D'Vorak or anyone else has decided it's my duty.
And the cruelest part? I do want children. Someday. I want to choose motherhood, not have it demanded of me.
I pull back from the hug before Paige can sense my turmoil.
"I'll see you tonight," I say, and my voice is steady. Normal. My anger has passed, but I keep my walls firmly in place.
"You better," Paige says cheerfully. "Or I'm hunting you down."
I incline my head to her and L'Awai, then turn and slip into my quarters.
CHAPTER 3
A'Vanti
The door slides shut behind me. I press my back against it and close my eyes.
My quarters are small, not much larger than the cell I occupied for years in Diamalla's facility, but I've made them mine. A light sculpture rests on the corner shelf, its soft glow shifting through shades of rose and orange. On the wall, a display cycles slowly through images of Cerastean landscapes and architecture, places I once knew and buildings I admired. A pot of flowering cerila sits beneath it, the purple blossoms a tiny piece of home.
I set Cody's book on my desk, my fingers lingering on the cover. The Colosseum stares up at me, golden and ancient and impossibly beautiful.
A gift from a friend.
That's what I told D'Vorak, and it was the truth. Cody is my friend. My vel'shar, who stands guard without being asked. Whowaits for me after therapy with worried eyes and easy smiles. Who gives me books about his world, not because he wants something from me, but simply because he thought I might enjoy them.
I trace the edge of the cover and try not to think about how that makes me feel.
Then I straighten, push the thoughts aside, and head back out to find food. I do not want to attend the meeting on an empty belly.
The galley is mercifully empty when I arrive. I punch my order into the replicator, a simple meal of vegetables and protein, and take a seat at one of the small tables along the wall.
I eat quickly and mechanically. My mind is already spinning ahead to the mysterious meeting. The Command Center is where Chancellor L'Forn holds court with his council. Where important decisions are made.
Why would I be summoned there?
I don't have an answer. But I've learned that speculation is usually more stressful than reality, so I finish my meal, deposit the tray in the reprocessor, and make my way through the ship's corridors.
The Command Center is a large circular room near the heart of the vessel. When I step through the doors, I stop short.
Chancellor L'Forn sits at the head of the long central table. He's flanked by L'Zaen, one of the most brilliant scientists remaining to our people, with Ally beside him. She is L'Zaen's human mate and scientific partner. General D'Annon sits nearby, flanked by several other high-ranking Cerasteans. All of them turn to look at me as I enter.
I dip my head in greeting, trying to mask my surprise. "Chancellor. You requested my presence?"
