“I don’t know if it’s any good. S’kasia brought it back for me the last time she went to Abwele.” Eleri sniffed her own mug and made a contemplative face. “You don’t have to drink it if it’s terrible.”
It all seemed so mundane. Drinking tea, eating cookies, talking with another person as if her entire world wasn’t dying in a tank just above them.Thank you.Cassie said. Because what else was there to say? Eleri hummed softly to the incubator on the floor next to her chair that held her brown and blue speckled egg.
Cassie glanced up, surprised she recognized the song. It was one some of the minders had sung to the fledglings in the Aviary when it was time to sleep. When she’d been so small, small enough to still have her voice, she’d drifted off with that song. It was probably what she would sing to Irio and the rest of the pups if she still had the ability.
“The song? Where did you learn it?” Cassie asked with the voice Örim had given her.
“Hmm?” Eleri’s eyes lifted from the incubator. “Oh! The song? My mom used to sing it with me when we were waiting for the train. It’s popular on Gaia.” Her gaze dropped again. “I haven’t spoken with her in a few years now, but it’s nice to remember the good things.”
“Why?” Cassie asked before she could stop herself. She’d never had a mother. The Aviarist made that abundantly clear, so she found a strange fascination with understanding what it was like.
“She treated me very badly. It’s one of the reasons I left.” Eleri took a sip of the tea and made a face before starting to cough. “Stars and stones, that is awful. Don’t drink that, I’ll get you something else. S’kasia is going to get an earful the next time I see her.” She swiped both mugs off the table and returned with two glasses of fruit juice.
“I don’t have a mother,” Cassie said when she returned.
“Is that something that makes you unhappy?” Eleri’s question was quiet, careful.
“I don’t have anyone anymore.” The tears were back, angry and hot as they burned a path down her cheeks. “And you’re so nice to me. Even though I’m awful.” She smeared snot away from her nose with her sleeve.
Before she knew what was happening, Eleri was hugging her, and Cassie wasn’t pulling away. She leaned against her, letting her tears seep into her uniform.
“You’re not awful, Cassie. You’ve been through more suffering than most people can even imagine. But you’re not alone. You have me and Aglao. You have S’samph, if you want him. He’s kind of a jerk. You have Wreeta and Grora and the pups. Even Ailairi has been asking where you are. We all love you. I know you don’t feel that way today, and maybe not tomorrow either, but whenever you’re ready.”
Cassie felt like she would dissolve against Eleri, but her friend held her until her sobbing resolved to soft gasps.
When she’d finally made it back upstairs to her room, she was feeling brave enough to answer Glia. Cassie pressed herself back against the tank, soothed by the ever-present hum of Örim’s active energy core.
I’ll come see the pups soon. Tell them I’m sorry for being away for so long.
She sent the message quickly before she could reconsider. It was hard not to feel like a traitor. What right did she have to go on living while Örim wasn’t? But she’d promised. She’d promised to stay. And that promise was the only thing she had left to give him.
CHAPTER 52
Cassie
I’m still alive?Cassie thought as her eyes peeled open in the medical room. Her whole body ached. She thought she’d be crushed to death for sure. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. Obviously, someone had eventually come to get her.
Kestrel came to retrieve her. She was put back on service two days later.
Aweek and a half later, Cassie finally went to see the pups. The suns were heavy on her head, and she wondered if this was how Örim had always felt walking around in the daylight. Irio and the others clung to her, whining and shrilling with excitement. Cassie cried while Irio licked her nose. She cried for what she had lost in time, in purpose, and in love. It felt so wrong to be wanted, to have a Cassie-sized shape in the world, while she still felt like she was drowning.
“Cassie back!” Irio exclaimed. Meyra tugged on her pants. It was normal for them. Their whole world hadn’t shattered. After time with the pups, Cassie felt a slight thaw of the pain in her chest. Glia asked gentle questions about her day. Some of the other residents of Laurus smiled at her as they passed.
A part of her didn’t want to go back. She knew S’samph would be waiting for their afternoon check-in. Eleri would try to make calm, pleasant conversation. Then there was the tank. Örim had already been physically reformed. She could see him in the tank. No longer just a cluster of bright crystals. He was whole. But he wasn’t there. Not alive. Not at her side. Being there was harder now. It was easier to talk when she was talking to the emptiness, but seeing him there, fully formed and unresponsive, crushed her heart.
She knew she should be by his side always, but the selfishness in her kept her from returning. Part of her wanted to go back to the dock house to look for more shards, but K’kaen would have a fit if he found her there. But if Örim woke. If he woke and she wasn’t there. She’d never forgive herself. The suns were starting to set anyway, and someone would come looking for her if she wasn’t in her permanent spot holding vigil.
“Hey, Cassie. How are the pups?” Eleri asked when she reentered the clinic. “Did you have a chance to eat yet?”
She shook her head. “Pups are fine. I’ll go see them again tomorrow.”
“Good! I’m glad you’re getting out more. S’samph is waiting for you upstairs.” Eleri’s smile was filled with relief. Cassie knew the smile. Everyone wanted her to be okay. She didn’t know if she ever would be again. But she was staying. She was keeping her promise after almost breaking it several times, and that would have to be enough.
CHAPTER 53
Örim
Örim awoke completely submerged in a seeding pool. He had only a fragmented memory of what had happened. The Aviarist. The pulsar gun. Cassie. Where was Cassie? He struggled to the surface, the density of his body keeping him stuck beneath the seeding solution. There was a reason teösians almost never submerged completely. Once he’d broken the surface, he tried to assess what had happened. His energy core seemed to be working at full capacity, but his outer carapace was still brittle, as if it hadn’t had enough time to properly harden. Fluid splashed over the sides of the tank as he heaved himself out onto the floor.
