“Everything is already locked up.”
“Medications too?” Eleri asked in a soft voice.
“Everything.”
“Good. Keep it that way.”
Cassie didn’t join the conversation, but Örim felt the drips of tears falling from her face onto his pants. After Eleri and K’kaen had left, they continued sitting there in the middle of the floor together. His aöseria wept silently, and Örim had no words sufficient to share. He couldn’t remove the image of her bleeding from his eyes. Even though K’kaen had cleaned all the blood off the floor with practiced efficiency, Örim didn’t think he would ever be able to forget the precise spot where it had been.
CHAPTER 43
Örim
Cassie collapsed in her nest of pillows with Örim beside her, a protective hand on her back as she spiraled headlong into unsettled sleep. He was still there when she woke, scrolling through something on his datapad, pausing only to worry at a crack in one of his wrist nodes and glance over at her. The pain had started to set in again now that the numbness from the drug Eleri had injected was long gone. She knew she’d messed up. But she hadn’t lied to Eleri. It hadn’t been her intention to cut herself so deeply. Once the gray and red fog rolled in, it was so heavy she couldn’t even sense her own heartbeat. The blade hadn’t felt like anything on her wrist.
But now, in the pale light of early morning, her whole body ached, and her wrist throbbed with each pulsing reminder. She was still alive, and the Aviarist was here in Laurus. And Örim was next to her and hadn’t yet registered she was awake, but she was going to have to face him eventually. Because she knew he was the one who found her. Even though she couldn’t remember much of what had happened the night before aside from briefsnatches of color and conversation, she knew she had broken something inside of him from the way his body was pressed so close to hers.
It was time to be again, but returning to herself was proving more difficult than it ever had before. She struggled to sit up. Örim had his arms around her before she even had the chance to struggle to a seated position.
“Eleri said not to put any pressure on your stitches.” He’d taken his eyestones off and was staring at her with the deep blue-black orbs of his eyes. Cassie averted her gaze. If she looked at him too long, she was going to cry, and if she cried, he was going to panic.
I’m sorry.She signed as he helped her into a seated position. Her arms felt heavy, and the pervasive sting only got worse as she moved.
“I’m going to get your next dose of painkiller.”
The silence of her own body was unbearable as Örim retrieved the painkillers. The stitches pulled tightly against her skin where Eleri had sewn her back together. She wouldn’t be able to write or speak properly with her hands until they healed. Even small movements were painful. Her mouth was bone dry, and she also needed to pee, but both problems seemed impossibly large.
Örim walked purposefully to the workbench that he’d cleared to organize a new range of medical supplies. It wasn’t lost on her that he’d put everything in this room, so he didn’t have to have her out of sight.
The needles stung as Örim administered the painkiller and then the cell booster directly into her wrist. He seemed detached, watching her, but not really seeing her. She did notice the slightest flinch when he unwound her bandages, but otherwise his body language was neutral.
An uncomfortable suspicion rose through her. Was he angry? She couldn’t feel his chest to confirm. It would make sense. He should be angry. She tucked herself deeper into the pillows, turning away from him even though he hadn’t said anything. He sat next to her, offered his hand, but Cassie didn’t take it. It felt wrong somehow, like she’d violated him.
“Food and water, Cassie?” he finally asked. She nodded slowly.
Have to pee first.
“Let’s go then.” Örim slotted his hands under her armpits to lift her to her feet.
She shook her head.By myself.
“You’re not supposed to be by yourself right now.”
Please. By myself.She could pee by herself. She wasn’t a child. But she also knew why Örim was being like this. She knew she had done this to herself.
“I’ve seen your genitals several times already, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”
I just want some privacy while I pee!
“What if you leave the door open and I wait outside? I won’t watch you eliminate waste.”
Fine.She had no ground left to give. Inside the lavatory, she resisted the urge to slam the door behind her. It would only turn into a fight. Instead, she sat and peed, trying to pretend he wasn’t visible outside the doorframe.
Once she’d finished, Örim helped her to the table before retrieving an assortment of handheld food options and some water. They sat in silence at the table while her clumsy fingers struggled so much with a protein bar and a drinking glass that Örim had to take over and feed her directly. Her face burned. This was worse than after her voicelock had imploded. She had less control than a toddler.
A knock on the door interrupted the tense meal. Örim stood from the table. “Wait here. I’ll let Eleri in. Are you fine with her visiting?”
Cassie wanted to say no, wanted to retreat into her pillow nest and never come out, but she didn’t know if she could bear the silence with Örim. She didn’t know if she could handle his well-meaning worry as he tried his best to keep her from falling apart.
