Eleri finally emerged from behind the curtain. “She’s ready to see you.” She let the curtain swing behind her.
Örim tapped his elbow node in acknowledgement, even though his inclination was to rub his wrist with worry instead. But he needed to see Cassie for his own selfish purposes. He affixed his eyestones on the curtain around her bed and willed himself forward. Each step filled him with further trepidation.
When he was a mere handspan away from the curtain, he stopped. He could hear Cassie shifting on the bed, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to see what lay behind. She couldn’t welcome him in. The falsely cheerful tenor of her voice was one he’d never hear again. Finally, he summoned the courage to step behind the hanging sheet around Cassie’s bed.
Cassie’s eyes were electricity against his face as they turned in his direction. Örim took her in. The dark bruises around her eyes from lack of good sleep. The bandages around her throat. Around her arms. He had done this to her. Something miserable and pathetic in his mind screamed at him to disappear from her life entirely, but he would never be able to face himself after such cowardice. And he had to make amends. Whatever it took.
They stared at each other in silence for several long moments. Cassie’s face was unyielding in its despair. Örim didn’t know what to do.
“I would understand if I’m the last person you want to see,” he finally said. Cassie shook her head and slowly patted the empty space at the end of her bed. It was far more than he deserved, but he sat at her invitation. She reached for her datapad, which was on a shelf next to her bed, but Örim intercepted her. He grabbed it and handed it over. Cassie winced as she moved her bandaged arms to try and write something.
Örim considered telling her to stop but thought better of it. He had no right to tell her what to do or what not to do. Especially not now. Eleri said she hadn’t been able to get Cassie to communicate at all, so this was at least a sign that she had some vivacity left in her.
Her fingers trembled above the interface as she scrawled, N-O-T-Y-U-R-F-A-L-T. M-I-F-A-L-T. Exhausted from the effort of her writing, the stylus dropped from her hand, rolling to stop against Örim’s thigh.
“It’s not.” His voice came out in the merest thread of a whisper. “Cassie, you didn’t do this to yourself.” Örim’s chest node finished the cracking that had started the day he’d brought her into the clinic. “I should never have suggested we try to examine your voicelock. You’re not a science experiment.” Pieces of shining aquamarine crumbled down his shirt, landingin heavy chunks on the bed. Cassie’s eyes grew wide, and she reached for him, her hand landing on his leg.
It had never happened before. His emotions superheating his body, causing his central electric core to crack through his chest node. He collected the largest piece off the bed and handed it to her. “This is for you. It’s a sign of true penance for a teösian. You have my deepest regrets and sorrow for the harm I have caused. And yet I know it’s still not enough. I care about you, Cassie. I care about you immensely. I just wish I had realized it sooner before I stole your voice. Before I did this to you.”
Her face took on an expression of horror at his offering, which hadn’t at all been his intention. She made a sign he recognized as ‘hurt’ and then the sign for ‘you’.
“I’m not in pain. The node will grow back over time.” He unbuttoned the top of his shirt to show her he wasn’t mortally wounded. There was still an underlayer covering his vulnerable electrical core. The intensity of her expression lessened, but she still didn’t look fully convinced. Örim examined her once more. Bandages around her neck were logical, given the damage to her voicelock device, but he didn’t understand the rest.
“What happened to your arms?” he asked. Cassie shook her head in response. The secrecy made him nervous, but he knew pressing her wasn’t the right approach for the moment.
“Will you tell me another time?”
Cassie made the hand sign for ‘uncertainty’, but she couldn’t meet his eyes. He watched her bottom lip quiver slightly as she pulled the thin sheet higher up to hide herself from view.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Her eyes were wet. Örim had never felt so helpless in his entire adult life.
“Can I come again tomorrow?” Örim asked, because he was a greedy male, and seeing her again would make him feel less like scum at the bottom of the darkest caverns. Cassie nodded slowlyand then made a face of discomfort. She reached for a button attached to one of the tubes connected to her body and then pressed. Some sort of medication must have taken hold because her limbs seemed to grow heavy.
Örim waited as she drifted off to sleep, with the largest cabochon of his chest node clutched in her fist. He didn’t deserve her. But he wanted her anyway. The depth of the wanting ached in a way he’d never experienced. More than he wanted his position back at the Academy on Teös. More than he wanted his name in academic glory. More even than he wanted to go home. More than any of those things, he wanted the female curled into herself as she slipped into dreams to escape the suffering he had inflicted upon her. He wanted her curled against him instead.
It was selfish and foolish of him, but he reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face, pulling back from her warmth as soon as he’d finished his objective. When he emerged from behind the curtain, Eleri was waiting for him.
“Is she asleep again?” she asked.
“Yes, I think she was in pain. But she dosed herself with some sort of medication.” Örim glanced back through the slot he’d left in the curtain to see Cassie still lying prone on her cot. The last thing he wanted was for her to be in pain.
“Good.” Eleri made a note of something on her datapad. “I’m glad. She’s been reluctant to use the interventions even though they are meant to help. I suspect her pain is greater than she is letting on. Were you able to communicate with her at all?”
“A bit. She thinks this is her fault. What happened to her arms?” Örim found himself asking, even though it felt like an intrusion after he’d said the words. Eleri’s face pinched inward. Clearly, she agreed it was an intrusion, especially since he would only ask if Cassie didn’t tell him directly.
“I don’t think it’s my place to answer that question. Cassie has sustained additional injuries, and we’re trying to keep themclean. Anything else you should probably talk to her about directly. She can obviously hear you from here if she isn’t fully asleep.”
Örim gripped the space above his missing chest node with shame. Cassie might not be able to speak with her voice, but there was nothing wrong with her ears. If he’d offended her or made her feel less than, he’d be miserable with himself. It seemed like the harder he tried to dig himself out of the cavern he’d made, the deeper in he sank. Eleri checked something on her beeping wrist interface. “I have to get to another appointment. Will you come visit her again?”
He was about to leave, but the anxiety about Cassie stopped him in the doorway of the clinic. “S’samph said we shouldn’t leave her alone, for security reasons.”
Eleri nodded. “I know. Aglao is still here. I also don’t want her left alone for other reasons. Don’t worry, we’ll keep her safe. S’samph takes his job extremely seriously, as do I.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” Örim confirmed. “I do need to ask. S’samph agreed that Cassie should come to stay with me after she is more recovered.”
“I am aware my mate thought that would be a sensible idea.”
