Eleri shaded her eyes from the sun before continuing. “The latil’e here took me in and gave me a family I never knew I could have. I guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t have to be alone.If you want a sister or a friend or even just someone to listen, I can be here. Just let me know. Any time.”
Cassie stared at her boots. Part of her wanted to lift her sleeves to reveal the deep scratches. A tiny part of her wanted to bare her soul to this kind person who had been nothing but generous and patient, but she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Cassie could take care of herself. She had to take care of herself. How could Eleri understand? How could she comprehend the all-encompassing nightmares? How could she listen to Cassie explain how half the time she didn’t feel real? How could she hear words Cassie could only form with her hands?
But she couldn’t communicate any of these things to Eleri, so instead she just tilted her head and said, “Thank you so much!”
Eleri gave her a sad half-smile as she rose from the dock, placing a hand on Cassie’s shoulder. “Any time. I mean it. I’m here for you.”
Before she left, she handed Cassie a tube of suncream. “It’s going to get hot soon. Don’t stay out in the sun for too long, ok?”
Cassie nodded as she accepted the gesture. The tube of suncream felt strangely heavy in her hands. No one had ever taken care of her before, not since she left the creche. She had always been responsible for her flock. They relied on her, and she couldn’t bend for a moment, or they wouldn’t be protected.
Sometimes she felt significantly older than her twenty-four standard years. She’d had no choice. If she didn’t stay in line, everyone else would suffer. Cassie stayed out on the dock until it got too hot in the direct sunlight. After that, she retreated to the clinic. Eleri and Aglao were already absorbed in their work, so they paid little attention to her as she came back in to get dressed for the day.
It would be another day of routine. Drills with S’samph and the team, and then a reading lesson with Örim. She found herself excited about the reading lessons in spite of herself. Even ifhe half saw her as an experiment, he was the only one who had really made an effort to communicate with her in her own language so far. He picked up some of her hand signs, including ones she didn’t teach him explicitly. And she’d be lying if she said being around him didn’t make her feel strange.
The first time it happened, the first time her chest felt filled with bubbles, she thought she might be ill. She’d been so worried she’d considered asking Eleri about it, but the sensation had vanished as soon as she left the schoolhouse. That night, she’d had a dream about him. He had touched her between her legs. She had wanted it. The whole thing made her feel warm and flustered.
It had filled her with shame when she woke up slick between her thighs. Wanting like that wasn’t allowed. After they’d been liberated, she learned the residents of the Aviary had all been on carefully regulated hormone cocktails to prevent sexual arousal. But with everything filtering out of her system, she found herself thinking about Örim in ways that would have required a complete realignment of her treatment protocol. But it was normal, wasn’t it? People wanted. Clients had wanted her. She’d just never had the feeling herself before.
Cassie found herself wandering through Laurus instead of circling up to the training ground for drills. Today wasn’t a day for running drills. She took a path she hadn’t walked before, down by the magtracks leading to Indras and across the canal.
There, she encountered a cluster of strange silver-feathered birds in an enclosure, preening their feathers next to a puddle of water. They regarded her with hesitation at first, but when she stepped over the low fence and sat down beside them, she made it clear she wasn’t a threat. They mostly ignored her. However, one of them, the smallest in the group, approached with keen curiosity in its luminous red eyes.
Cassie smiled as the creature hopped onto her knee. She didn’t have to say anything as it roamed over her leg and jumped up onto her shoulder. She’d never seen birds like this before; it occurred to her that she’d never seen any real-life birds. They’d only ever learned about birds related to their names from some of the ancient viewholos they were allowed to watch. A cassowary had long legs and feathers like her hair.
She took a long breath as she watched the birds wander around their enclosure. The one on her shoulder kept trying to peck at her hair until she laughed and batted it away. This was better than running laps around in the heat. Although she enjoyed unspoken commiseration with Wreeta, who usually ran at the back of the pack with her, at least the birds wouldn’t expect her to talk back.
“She likes you.” A voice trilled behind her, and Cassie nearly jumped out of her boots. Startled, the little bird on her shoulder fluttered down and waddled away. “You can stay. I’m just surprised is all.” The older giradey male held a basket filled with silvery feathers. He crouched next to her at the edge of the enclosure. Cassie turned away from him, hoping he wouldn’t start asking her questions.
“You must be Cassie, heard about you from one of my daughter’s fledglings. Says, you sometimes go to the schoolhouse with them for lessons. She said you don’t know how to talk, so I won’t bother you by asking.” He held out a hand, and the smallest bird came waddling back toward them. “This is Kalai.” He gestured to the bird. “I don’t usually name the pichari, but she’s a feisty one. Doesn’t like people much, but she seems taken with you.”
She reached out a finger to pat the head of the bird who had hopped back onto her knee. Kalai performed a funny little bouncing dance, bopping her head in Cassie’s direction.
“Well, I’ll be. Never seen her do that with anyone.” The giradey made a whistling call. “Gotta get back to it. Stay as long as you like.”
So, Cassie stayed, watching Kalai and her flock until she heard heavy footsteps behind her.
“You should tell someone before you disappear, Cassie.” S’samph’s voice was low, and she could see his tail lashing from side to side. “Eleri was worried when no one knew where you were.” He crouched down next to her. The pichari seemed much less impressed with him than they were with her, as most of them scattered, but Kalai puffed up her feathers and squawked.
He wasn’t wrong in the sense that they had expected her to be somewhere, but there was also growing frustration that just because she couldn’t communicate, everyone treated her like a child. She wasn’t part of Laurus’ security force. Going to practice with them had been a suggestion, not a requirement. Her special refugee status meant she didn’t need to work unless she wanted to. But S’samph was still here, breathing down her neck with unnatural stoic silence, while Kalai made her annoyance clear. He wasn’t going to go anyway until she gave him something of a response.
“Can I help you with something else?” Cassie asked. She didn’t look at him but instead held her hand out for Kalai. The pichari stopped squawking and moved forward to climb up Cassie’s arm, perching on her shoulder.
“You are an adult, but you have not lived in the real world for very long. There are things that might be dangerous. My Eleri wishes to be your friend or perhaps your new sister if you are willing. Please do not make her upset.” S’samph rose from his crouch. “But if you find solace in spending time with the pichari, this is acceptable.”
Cassie tilted her head, not sure how to respond. She’d expected a scolding, like when she’d made a mistake in the Aviary, but he’d spoken to her like an adult.
“Thank you!” She finally settled on simple gratitude as a response, even though she wished she had more ability to adjust her tone. If S’samph had come to find her, it meant she was considerably late for her reading lesson.
“Are you going to the schoolhouse now?” S’samph asked.
Cassie nodded. “Go ahead then. I will let Eleri know you have been located.” S’samph stood up to his considerable height and made his way back to his levibike in the distance.
Once he was gone, Cassie said farewell to the pichari and hurried back toward the schoolhouse, hoping Örim had waited for her. Even if he knew about what had happened to her, maybe that made things easier. Maybe she didn’t have to hide quite so much about herself, with him at least.
CHAPTER 14
Örim
