Iulia made another gurgling sound, and then when she seemed to realize no one was going to answer her questions, she pressed a button to illuminate a lower shelf. Grains were unusual in the diet of latil’e, and S’samph had little interest personally, but he followed them, mostly to make sure Iulia didn’t start bombarding Eleri with questions about their relationship again.
“This is great, thank you.” Eleri started reading through the various labels and then reached for one on a high shelf. S’samph stepped behind her and lifted it easily from the top shelf.
“This one?” He examined the label. Buckwheat flour. “It is not on the edible grain shelf.” He could not for all the sand in the desert say what a ‘buckwheat’ was, but Eleri seemed pleased.
“Yes. It’s perfect. I’m surprised someone grows it around here. It’s definitely edible for humans anyway.” She pressed a finger to her chin. “I had better check if everyone else can eat it.”
“The IA brings well-suited crops from all consortium planets. This buckwheat must grow well in this climate. What will you use this for?”
“Well, I know latil’e don’t really eat cereals, so this will be a good substitute for the cooking I plan to do with S’kasia.”
“You did not answer my question directly. This is a thing you do. You speak around questions.” S’samph glared at Iulia from the corner of his eye as he noticed her listening in on their conversation. He would rathershe didn’t, but as long as they were in her family’s shop, there wasn’t much to be done.
“I did answer your question.” She laughed. “If you want to know specifically what I’m cooking with it, that’s a separate question.”
S’samph grunted his acceptance of her logic. “Then what are you cooking specifically?”
“Well,” Eleri returned for the bottle of kowsa sap, considered it, and then placed it in her shopping bag, “S’kasia asked to learn something simple, so these are a basic food we eat in the mornings on Gaia. They’re called hotcakes.”
“Hotcakes.” He struggled with the lack of space between consonant sounds.
“I’m not the best cook, but it’s hard to mess up a pancake.” He was only half listening to her as she explained the flat disks of pan-fried grains. He was far more focused on understanding her selection of such an expensive imported ingredient given what K’kaen had told him about Eleri’s financial situation. He was trying his best not to be overly curious about Eleri’s credit balance. The way K’kaen had described it made things sound dire, but he knew she would be mortified if he asked outright. Instead, he kept her ingredient choices in the periphery of his vision as he did some of his own shopping.
When they reached the till and Iulia examined their items with a sour expression, S’samph kept his focus on the credit total as Eleri offered her basket for Iulia to tally. Eleri started to extend her wrist when S’samph tried to stop her.
“I will purchase these for you.”
The brightness in her eyes dimmed, replaced with a wariness. “I’m making hotcakes, not stellite-encrusted l’hanta filets. I can afford this.” She slid her wrist forward again to pay. The scanner beeped, accepting her credit transaction. S’samph’s frill rose with frustration. He did not know how it would be possible to convey his intentions if she intended to thwart him at every turn. What could he offer her if not credits? He was injured and maimed, so there was no spectacle in his beauty or his strength. His personality wasn’t charming or cheerful. Even his nest was lacking. His temper remained short as he paid for his own purchases and then escorted Eleri out of the shop with Iulia’s eyes boring into them as they exited.
Once they were out of earshot, he turned to her. “Why do yourefuse to accept help from others?”
“I didn’t need your help buying such inexpensive things.” She lifted her bag, a reminder of the paucity of ingredients she purchased for herself.
“You don’t have enough credits for yourself.”
She inhaled sharply as the blue pools of her eyes shifted up to his. Her mouth was a tight line, mirroring those crossing her forehead. “You talked to K’kaen.”
“K’kaen spoke with me.”
Eleri dropped her gaze to the ground. “I suppose asking him not to was like asking water not to be wet.” She shook her head. “Things have changed since K’kaen and I spoke. Aglao gave me a small stipend to help cover my expenses since I’ll be taking care of the clinic during their hibernation. I have plenty of credits now, so please don’t be worried about me.”
Although the news of her newfound income should have been reassuring, S’samph found the whole encounter baffling. She didn’t trust him. Even worse, she found him so unreliable that she couldn’t speak to him in more than half truths, as though she was worried her candor would be insulting. But expressing such anger would only make the situation worse. S’samph forced stillness into his tail and smoothed the flare of his frill. “While I am glad to hear you are not destitute, you haven’t answered my original question.”
Eleri scuffed the heel of her boot in the dust. “Most of the people in my life haven’t been very reliable.”
“I’m always reliable.”
“Except when you aren’t.” She clapped a hand over her mouth. “Stars and stones, that was rude. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“It was honest.” S’samph’s frill settled flat against his spine. “You shouldn’t apologize for being honest. I would like it if you felt comfortable to always be honest with me.”
“Oh.” Eleri stared down at her boots. “It’s just, I waited for you for a long time when I first arrived in Laurus. You never came.” She shifted her bag of ingredients higher on her shoulder and clutched one of her arms with discomfort. “I left Gaia because I was trying to get away from people who would only disappoint me.”
S’samph’s tail curled in toward himself as he digested the weight of her words. His mate, his Eleri, had counted on finding someone reliable, and he’d betrayed her trust from the very first. He did not know how much was wise to share with her. He didn’t know how she would respond to his admission of not wanting a mate at all since fleeing Latilla.He didn’t know if it was wise to tell her about his self-doubt about his own reliability as a mate. But he could not ask for her honesty if he offered none in return.
“When my clutch-sister told me of you, I was against the idea from the beginning. I did not believe I deserved a mate.” Eleri’s body grew tight, and S’samph reached out for her. He placed his arm around her shoulders, the gesture meant to mimic human reassurance rather than latil’e. “Wait for me to finish before you become upset. These were my feelings at the beginning. But I have come to know you, and I have realized that I am still undeserving of a mate, but I no longer care. There is nothing I want more than you at my side, even if I am foolish to have such a desire. It is my goal to prove my reliability to you.”
The tension flowed from Eleri’s body. She stared up at him, her pale eyes luminous in the light of the transiting suns. “It makes me happy to hear you say that.”
