Teo.
The name causes a slice of pain across my skull, and I think about what Melisa and I spoke of—the anger that scorches my soul. I regret not burning Rholker when I had the chance.
Even in my dreams,I grasp at my collar as if I could loosen its iron grip on my neck. Gods, it makes it so hard to breathe.
It holds me tight while the memories I try so hard not to prod during my waking hours come to life before my eyes.
A strange light burns in my eyes, and when I finally let them open, I see Enduvida all around me. I stand near theArdorflame Temple, but the light doesn’t come from the pulsing, red shrine.
No, it’s a woman. A gilded form. Her deep brown skin shines in the light, as does the crown atop her head. It’s as if she stands in a lightning field of energy—of love.
“Mamá,” I say, the word falling from my lips and filling the air around us with more light.
She smiles and holds her arms out.
I don’t think, Irunto be with her. When she folds herself around me, I luxuriate in her softness, and the smoothness of her back. She clicks her tongue, like she did when I was a child. “Estela, my brightest star.Mi vida?2.”
I look up at her. “Why are you here?”
She smiles.
“The goddess sent me to wipe away your tears.”
“What goddess?” I ask, my throat dry. “Grutabela?”
She presses her face to mine and shakes her head.
“No.Ourgoddess,mi amor,?3” she whispers, brushing the hair from my eyes.
Everything about this is so familiar.
I look up at her, her white robes seemingly made of pure starlight. She brushes the tears from my cheeks, and the motion is so tender that it makes more spill.
“She’s content to lie in obscurity in this land—for now. Worry about such things later. I’ve come to help you tonight, and then I must go back.”
“Please don’t leave,” I whisper to her.
Her face scrunches up with emotion as she gives me a tender “Oh.” She presses a warm kiss to my forehead.
“Amor?4, I never fully leave. I’m a part of the song your crystal sings to you and every bright thing that touches you.”
Looking at her feels different. The lines of anger and anguish in her face are gone. Her face is smooth with love and sweetness.I hadn’t realized it, but she is right about the song. While there’s always been a melody for Teo and me, there are a few notes, perhaps even a feeling, that remind me of her.
“Are you in Vidalena?” I ask.
It’s an Enduar heaven, but it belongs to all of us—and decidedly to my mother.
She beams down at me. “Yes.”
“Good.” I brush a hand over her spectral form. “Is it better than life?”
She tilts her head to the side, sad.
“Death is kind to us all. It is a gift to move on into something else, something more. But life is also a gift—it demands to be lived until the time comes.”
I think of the senseless death that has surrounded me for so long. Helplessness, shame, pain. I survived so that Mikal would not be alone.
And then I found out that life was so much more. Not merely excellent lovemaking or a day free from aching joints and lashes on my back. It was harvesting plants and nurturing family.
