My heart pounds as I approach her door. I hesitate for a moment, gathering my courage before gently pushing it open.
The sound of her sobs guides me to her bedroom, and I quietly enter, my heart aching as I find Amelia still lying on her bed, tears streaming down her face. I lie down next to her, causing her to startle. Her eyes widen in surprise and fear.
“Shh, it’s just me,” I whisper. She cries even harder, and I take her wrist, stopping her from pulling at her hair. “I’ve got you. Shh. I’m here.” She sobs, covering her eyes with her other hand. I realize it’s because she’s embarrassed that I caught her pulling her hair. My chest tightens at the sight. “You don’t have to be ashamed, not with me. Never with me,” I say, pulling her to my chest and kissing the top of her head. I can feel her trembling against me. “I’ve got you, okay? Everything will be all right. You’re not alone. I’m here. I’m sorry I wasn’t for so long. But I am now.”
We lie there in silence for a while, the only sound being her quiet sobs and my steady breathing. I can feel her slowly relaxing in my arms, her sobs subsiding into quiet sniffles. My heart aches for her, wanting to take away all her pain.
“Oliver?” she asks, her voice strained.
“Yes?” I whisper.
“Why are you not mad at me?”
Why would I be?
“I could never be mad at you,” I assure her, stroking her hair and feeling its silkiness against my fingers.
She whispers so quietly I can barely hear it, “Is it so bad that I want to feel loved just once without feeling like I’m begging for it?”
Her question pierces my heart, making my eyes prick with tears.
I fucked up so badly.
“It’s not.”
You never have to beg with me, Amelia.
I stroke her back, feeling her relax with each gentle caress. I breathe in her soothing lavender scent, feeling a wave of calm wash over me, too, making me sleepy again.
“Stay with me?” she pleads, her voice filled with vulnerability.
“As long as you need me,” I promise.
She buries her face in my chest, her tears soaking into my shirt, prompting me to hold her tighter. “I can hear your heartbeat,” she murmurs, her voice muffled.
“Tell me if it stops.”
Her breathing steadies, and the tension slowly leaves her body. She’s exhausted, physically and emotionally. As she starts to snore quietly, a small, contented smile spreads across my face.
“I’ll love you until my heart gives out,” I promise before I pull off my glasses, reach out to set them on her nightstand, and close my eyes, letting sleep take me too.
THIRTY
I’m meantto be alone.
Even though I tried to stay positive when talking to Morgan and Mr. Donovan, the moment I got home that evening, I fell apart.
How could I ever make things work as friends after I tried to kiss Misha?
The humiliation is overwhelming, and now Oliver has seen me at my weakest, pulling my hair. It’s good he came when he did, or I might have pulled all of it out. At that moment, I didn’t care.
I couldn’t care.
But now, the thought of looking into their eyes again feels unbearable. My anxiety about it was so bad that on Monday, I told Dr. Cockwomble I was sick and then worked on the solar panel project from home for two days. If I’m honest, I spent more time on my own AR work than anything else and made real progress.
But he doesn’t have to know that.
The guys, Morgan, and even Mr. Donovan texted me, but I didn’t respond to any of them. I buried myself in my work, not even telling Jamie to come back online. I even made sure mydoor was locked with the key inside since I seemed to forget to lock it too often and didn’t want them to just show up.
