Rory stops before she can be stuffed in and she waves.“Bye Ma!See you soon!”
The look on Mrs.Shanahan’s face is priceless.
Trace is too nervous to say anything the whole way home.I can tell he’s really shaken up, because he doesn’t even make a joke about Rory calling me Ma.It’s nice, honestly, to just turn on music and try not to obsess.But once I get home, I’ve barely turned toward him when he says, “I’ll take Trina and get dinner ready, so you can talk to the girls.”
I blink, but then I nod.“That would be awesome, actually.”
Trace hugs me then, and I freeze, like a deer that’s spotted something terrifying.It feels like the smallest thing could startle this version of him away.“I love you, Mom.”Then he releases me and steps back.“Come on, Trina.It’s time for some mac and cheese.”
“But I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich,” she says.
He rolls his eyes, but then he grunts.“Fine.”
She squeals as they disappear.I head for Natalie’s.She’s usually there—kids to thank for that—and she seems to always know where Samantha is.I try to push any lingering feelings of unease about how close they are and how I don’t quite fit in with them into the back of my brain.
I’m being stupid.
This is how I get.I felt this way when we were kids sometimes too, like Natalie and Samantha were the real friends, and I was just a tagalong they pitied.It was never because of anything they did, but it was always kind of in the back of my mind.So when I see them, at Natalie’s, talking and laughing through the kitchen window, I force myself not to worry.
I knock, let myself in, and dump the whole thing on them.
“His mother’s horrible,” Sam says.
“She’s the worst.”Natalie shakes her head.
Some commiserating words, a handful of cookies I shouldn’t have eaten before dinner, and some laughter about a rash on Sam’s armpit later, and I feel way better.“Thank you,” I say.“Hey, what about going to dinner?My kids are already eating grilled cheese, and they don’t need me for that.”
Sam meets Natalie’s eye, and they exchange some kind of glance I don’t understand.“Well, we kind of already—” Sam starts.
Natalie shakes her head.“We have to go make grain buckets for the horses, and to do that, we have to pick up the flaxseed.We could do dessert later, if that sounds fun?”
It’s already five.If they have errands to run, and they have to feed Natalie’s kids...plus, it feels like they had plans that just didn’t include me.
“You know, we should all go for a ride tomorrow,” Natalie says.“We could talk more, curse that woman out more, and riding always makes me feel better.”
But I don’t want to ride.I want to cry just thinking about how they already planned to go.I’m an afterthought, like I feared.“I have work tomorrow morning,” I say.“I’m sorry.Maybe early next week.”
“You have to work tomorrow?”Natalie asks.“But it’s a Sunday.”
“I got behind this week,” I say.“I have to catch up sometime.”
“That stinks,” Sam says.“Let us know.If you finish quickly, maybe you can still come with us.”
After I leave, I call Jack.It’s almost embarrassing how much of an impulse that has become.
“Hey,” he says.“Sorry I had to run and made you take the kids to my mom.I had that project at work I needed to finish, so she took them to Lismore Castle Gardens.They’re starting their holiday read-alongs.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” I say.“Really.”
“Bother.I should’ve had Ma take Trina along, too.I didn’t think of it until just now.”
“Jack, really, I’m not upset about any of that.”
“Well, I’m nearly done with my project, finally.I’d love to see you if—wait.You said ‘about any of that.’”He pauses.“Is something else wrong?”
It’s embarrassing, but I start crying.
“Oh, no.What did I do?It was only a matter of time before I screwed up something big.”
