At least he’s quiet about it and the waitress doesn’t hear.
“Next time we go out, I’m taking you for some curry that will make this taste like baby food.”
“I don’t like spicy things,” I say.
He casts his eyes heavenward.“It’s not about burning your mouth.It’s about the combination of savory flavors.”He shakes his head.“Just trust me.You’ll understand once you’ve tried it.”
Right as he asks for the check, a family of tourists comes in and gets seated right behind us.They have three young children, maybe two, six, and ten or so, if my guess is right.I’ve been around enough children, between my own nieces and nephews and Vanessa and Natalie’s children, that I’m pretty sure I’m close.
The two-year-old can’t keep his fingers out of his nose.The six-year-old’s pontificating on dinosaurs, holding up different plastic figurines as he blathers, and the ten-year-old’s quietly coloring in a book.
“What a beautiful family,” Richard says, as we stand to leave.I hate how wistful he sounds.
Because I could have said the same thing and sounded just the same, and because it reminds me that he has no idea that I can never create a family like this.And I know thatthisparticular lieisn’tthe good kind.
9
Natalie
It’s strange that humans have an entire holiday that’s wrapped around our complicated relationship with fear.
We all act on fear.
Not as honestly as horses, who spook at bags, at flags, and at really anything that looks slightly different than what they’ve seen nineteen million and one times.
We may not spook at bags, but we do avoid relationships because we’re scared of how they’ll end.We take safe jobs, because we might fail at pursuing the dreams we secretly want.We wear makeup, because we’re afraid our bare faces aren’t polished or pristine enough.
For horses and humans both, not many good things come from acting out of fear.
“Put another big spider there.”I point.“The porch looks bare.”
Clara wants to roll her eyes.I can tell.“Mom, no one’s going to judge the party based on how many spiders?—”
“Just do it,” Hannah mutters.“She’s paying us, so she can pick.”
“Fine,” Clara says.“More spiders.But just remember, this isn’t an American Halloween party.We’re in Ireland, and at school they said the holiday here’s more about spirits and boogeymen than it is about candy and spiders and zombies or whatever.”
“Well, Miss Irish History,” Hannah says, “did you tell Mom about the C you got on that paper yet?Or are we only saying things that make other people feel stupid?”
Clara throws a spider at Hannah’s head, and the whole thing devolves.I’m truly afraid that there’s no way we’re going to be ready for this party in the next three hours.
But five minutes later, Trace, Bryce, and Trina show up, and with Mrs.Murphy’s help and lots of stern glares, we pull it off.At five minutes before seven o’clock, our old, stately estate looks suitably spooky.I’m actually pretty impressed.I snap a few photos for social, and then I pay each of the kids the twenty euro bill I promised.
Even Trina, though that feels a little unfair.She didn’t do anything, and I’m pretty sure she opened and licked at least a dozen of the lollipops.But I didn’t say I would only pay the older kids, so here we are.Paul didn’t ask for any money, but he’s five, so it means basically nothing to him.
“Alright, so we have the speakers all set up,” Clara’s saying, “and I sent you the playlist, but you never replied.”
I have a mini heart attack.
Clara asked to be in charge of the music, and I told her it was fine—whatever—thinking I’d circle back around later and explain that we didn’t reallyneedanyone in charge of music.It’s a party, not a rave, but I never did circle back around, and now she’s all excited to DJ this thing that doesn’t need a DJ at all.
Before I can fully freak out, Cillian pulls up, parking all the way around in the back, behind the main house, to leave plenty of room for other cars, presumably.“Hang on, lemme talk to Cillian.I’ll be right back to talk about the playlist.”I force a smile, and I practically sprint around the corner.He’s just climbing out of a third sports car, another one I’ve never seen.“We need to talk, and I know you don’t have kids, but you have tohelpme.”
Cillian’s eyes widen, but to his credit, he doesn’t balk.“Okay.Hit me.”
“I really dropped the ball.”I explain what happened.
He frowns.“Why can’t she just be in charge of music, if you don’t care about it?”
