“My friends will like you.”He sighs.“And, look, the only one who had a cloven hoof had it removed last month, so I swear, they won’t attack you.”
“Fine,” I say.“Fine.You’re not going to let me hide in a cave forever, I guess, and I don’t want to get rid of you, so we may as well rip the Band-Aid off.”
“Who’s the Band-Aid in this analogy?”He grunts.“Is that me?”
“It’s me,” I say.“The dirty, gross Band-Aid that everyone will hate.”
He’s laughing again.“Let’s meet at Foley’s.The Blue Garden’s beautiful this time of year, and after a few pints, even if theydon’tlike you, they’ll forget and so will you.”
Brilliant.“Out of curiosity, which friends are coming, and which of them had that cloven hoof removed?”
“It’s just some of my mates from secondary school.”Which I now know means high school in Ireland.“Most of them are friends from hurling, so you’ve seen them before, and ever since I rejoined the local team, Rían usually comes along as well.”
“He’s even younger than you.”I try, and fail, to suppress my groan.
“Only a bit younger,” Jack says.
I really want to groan now, because Rían’s definitely closer to Trace’s age than mine.“At least I’ll know someone.”
“They really won’t bite,” Jack says.“I’d say the biggest idiot is Seán, but even he’s really excited to meet you.His girlfriend’s the one who always brings it up.She’s tired of being the only girl.”
“What should I wear?”
“A bikini, I think,” Jack says.“They may as well realize you’re the hottest one there right from the start.Plus, what guy doesn’t want to see his hot girlfriend in a bikini?”
“You’re the most ridiculous person I know.”
“Vanessa, you can wear an old tarp for all I care.Wear dirty, stained sweats or pajamas.Dress up.Dress down.You tellmewhat to wear, up to and including matching footed jammies, and I’ll do it.”
He’s good at getting me to calm down and stop stressing, at least.“Fine, fine.I’ll text you what I pick and you can dress yourself accordingly, but probably not pajamas.”
“Thank goodness.Those footed sleepers always get all sweaty.”
I’m still laughing when I finally hang up.
But when the girls come to review the numbers a few hours later, I’m back to fretting.
“You’re going to be fine,” Natalie says.“You’ve got this.You and Jack are solid.”
“Wait, so we’re being supportive?”Sam’s frowning.“Because I’m a little annoyed.”
“Annoyed?Why?”Natalie asks before I can.
“Why are you meetingJack’sfriends first?He should be the one studied under a microscope like a bug, byus.”Her lips compress into a thin line.“This is an egregious error.”
Natalie laughs.“Stop.”
“I mean it.”Sam’s eyebrow is now arched imperiously.“As the older, wiser friends, he should be subjected to the third degree fromus, and he should be sweating in his footed sleeper.”
“He doesn’t really have one, right?”Natalie’s nose scrunches.“Because that does sound funny, but it doesnotsound hot.”
I roll my eyes.“Of course not.But listen, I need tips from you guys on how to make sure they like me.”
“What on earth makes you think I’d be good at advising you?”Natalie’s shoulders droop and she hunches over the pile of disappointing reports I had to show her.“I’m a failure in everything.Life.Business.Men.”She shakes her head.“No dates here, no younger men, and absolutely no secrets to success.”
Samantha slams her hands down on my small, wooden kitchen table, rattling it a bit.“Oh, stop it, Eeyore.You’re being ridiculous.If you want to wallow for a bit, fine.I’ll take over.So here’s your advice.”She points at me.“All male friend groups have five roles.”
Natalie straightens.“What on earth are you saying right now?”
