When I first got married, I swore my kids wouldneverbe staring at screens.I saw kids in airports watching movies instead of spending time with their parents, and I judged them.Then I had a few kids, four under eight years of age, and my positionshifted.
It’s funny how often things we hate, things we really don’t ever want to do, become the things we realize we need.I was surprised, after Samantha’s perpetual grumbling about the photos, that she wantedusto do a big family photo with the horses.
Photos with horses arehard.
Getting any pictures together in a group this large is already an ordeal, and then you add kids and it gets harder.You’re doing hair, arranging outfits, and trying to keep yourself clean.When you throw in orchestrating clean thousand-pound animals whose favorite thing to do is roll in mud?
Oh, boy.
But I was so happy that she wanted the photo, a photo I wanted myself, that I didn’t hesitate.It did throw a wrench into my morning, however.I was supposed to meet with Richard at ten a.m.to talk about the details of his New Year’s Eve ball.Instead, I needed to be prepping kids to be photographed at that time.Thankfully, when I texted him, he agreed to meet me at seven a.m.instead.
I take him coffee as a peace offering.“Sorry we had to move this,” I say.“Something came up.”
“It is Christmas Eve.”He glances at his watch.“Honestly, this is better anyway.”
“Oh, that’s great.”I smile.
“I’m getting on an earlier flight.”
“Flight...”I frown.“To where?”On Christmas Eve?
“Now that Sam and I—” He clears his throat.“I won’t be here for the ball.I hope that’s not a problem.”
I blink.“I mean, I just said a ball at Lismore Castle.I didn’t say you’d be in attendance specifically.”Though I assume people will expect it.“You’re leaving?”
He snorts.“I’ve only been in Ireland because of Samantha.My dad’s delighted I’m coming home, finally.”His brow furrows.“Well, delighted is the wrong word.He really liked Samantha.He’s nearly as disappointed as I am.”Richard clears his throat, and his eyes widen, and he sniffs.
For a member of the British aristocracy, he might as well be sobbing in a pathetic puddle.All emotion was ironed out of him from a very early age, so sniffs and widened eyes are major.“I’m really sorry about the whole thing, too.I know Sam’s pretty wrecked.”
He frowns.“She didn’t seem to regret her decision.”
Now I’m a little annoyed.“Herdecision?”I shake my head.“Richard, she tried to have a child for almost two decades.Unless you’re a woman whose body has betrayed her, I’m not sure you can possibly understand how that feels, but I assure you, it wasn’t herdecision.”
His eyebrows fly up.“I’ve upset you.”He sniffs again.“That wasn’t my intention.I merely meant that she didn’t seem to waffle over whether I was worth her being willing to try again.”
Now I’m mad.“Worth trying again?”I clench my hand.“It’s not aboutyou,” I say.“She has a medical condition.”
“Science has advanced, and her efforts before were with another man entirely.”
So it’s about his ego.
What an idiot.
“Richard, I know you need a baby.I’m pretty sure the little green men onMarsknow you need a son, but Samantha can’t provide that for you.She broke up with youforyou.Because she can’t give you what you want.”
“I think she could,” he says.“And I told her very clearly that if she can’t, so be it.I’m willing to take that risk, and I’m willing to let down my father and allow the Cavendish legacy to collapse into nothing.I love her that much.”He places both his hands down flat on the table.“If she would justtryone more time, it would be enough.I love her enough to throw away everything.”His nostrils flare.“But she won’t eventry.”
I stand up.“I appreciate you letting me bring guests to your ball.I know if it weren’t for us, you’d surely have canceled it, since you’re leaving.I really am grateful, so I’m going to say this as respectfully as I possibly can manage.”I lean down, placing my hands on the table near his.“Richard, you’re the biggest idiot I know, and my husband slept with lots of other women, as you know.”I shake my head.“It’s not that Samantha doesn’t loveyouenough.It’s that she lovesherselftoo much.If you made her try again, as you mentioned, it would be like killing her.”My lip curls.“You can’t understand, because you’re a man, and men are stupid.But you’re the one who doesn’t love her enough.If you were really willing to throw away everything on love, you wouldn’t have any stipulations.”
I spin on my heel, and I walk out.
As I do, I can’t help thinking that he might see the truth in my words.
He does love her.I can tell.He has a massive ego that has been inflated by every person he has ever known, but Samantha’s a force of nature, and he sees that.He really loves her, and if he’s willing to risk not having kids, would he be willing to just sayfine?
Would he give it up for her?
If he did, she might even grow enough bravery to try again, but she doesn’t know that, and she can’t promise it.Without him standing behind her, no matter what the result, how could she ever be that brave?She’s had one husband who didn’t love her enough, who didn’t love her for who she was.She can’t risk it again.
