When I turned the sprinkler back on,miracleofmiracles,it didn’t leak!I realized that I had been unable to tighten it enough to stop the leak when there was pressure in the line, but once that pressure was gone, I was able to repair the damage.
I’ve thought about that hose a lot of times since that summer.The basic principle was quite simple, and had I known a plumber, they probably would have suggested I shut the dumb hoses off before trying to tighten up the leak, I’m sure.But to me, someone unfamiliar with water pressure and how sprinklers and hoses work, it was a revelation.
Sometimes in our lives, we can’t fix a problem when it’s under pressure.Sometimes we have to remove the stress and remove ourselves from the situation before we can make the necessary repairs.I even thought about that hose when I decided to make the move to Ireland.I considered this purchase to be an escape, of sorts, fleeing the mess of a life that Mason destroyed with all his untrustworthy behavior.
I thought that here, at least for me, I could start anew, without the pressure in the line from the sprinklers running.
But then Mason followed me.
He’s made it so that healing from the damage he dealt me is almost impossible, it seems.What I hoped was an empty threat has become all too real as he’s bought a home and just keeps showing up everywhere.
Like the water for the pasture, I know it’s good.
My kids need a father.
And if he really means to be a better father, that’s great for them.But I can’t help thinking that they’re the grass, and Mason’s the water, but I’m the part of the pasture that keeps turning into a messy, boggy puddle because the water won’t stop coming.
It makes me hate the stupid water.
Or maybe this whole analogy’s whack.But the other thing that’s whack is coming in from carrying hay and filling water troughs to my own kitchen and being face-to-face with the man I divorced, smiling at me over a cup of coffee like we’re still married.“Hey, honey.”
Rage bubbles up inside of me and spills over.“I wish I could say ‘good morning,’ but it’s taken a sudden turn for the worse,” I say.“I thought we discussed you getting my prior approval before just showing up.”
“Blaine invited me,” Mason says.“Unless you’re saying your children can’t give approval to their own father to enter their home?”He raises his eyebrows.
“They can’t.”I frown.“That’s what being a child’sparentmeans.OnlyIcan give approval for people to enter my home.A home I pay for.A home I run.Blaine’s a beloved member of the household, but?—”
“Dad!”Blaine bursts through the hallway above us and clatters down the stairs.“Did you bring it?”
Mason’s smile is smug as he turns away from me and smiles at Blaine.“I did, sweetie.”He lifts a bag—a large bag.
“What’s that?”I hate that I can’t even ream him right now, not in front of the kids.We agreed not to disparage each other in front of them, and I swear, he takes advantage of that at every single turn.
“Popcorn.”Blaine has reached the kitchen and she snatches the bag out of his hand.
“We have popcorn,” I say.“He didn’t need to?—”
Blaine spins around, her free hand on her hip.“Mom, it can’t be seasoned or have butter.It has to be plain, air-popped popcorn, or it could make Pudge sick!”
I glare at Mason.
“Dad had to buy an air-popper, but the good news is, he says he’ll bring me popcorn any time I want.It’s Pudge’s favorite, and it’s healthy for her, too.”
Now I see why he’s so smug.He just bought himself an air-popping pass to come over any time.
Oh, no he doesn’t.
It takes me all of fourteen seconds to find an air-popper on Amazon, and it even suggests I add a bag of kernels to my order.Why, yes.Yes, I will.Make that two.
I hold my phone aloft like it’s a major trophy.“Well, I just ordered an air popper, so now this big inconvenience to your dad won’t be necessary.”
“Or.”Blaine’s eyes widen.“Dad says since he lives close, we can go over there every other weekend, and I can bring Pudge, so at least Dad’ll have some popcorn at his place, too!”
Every other weekend?
It’s reasonable.It’s thereasonablething for me to allow, because I got the full custody order when I thought I was moving out here alone, and I did it by holding his illegal activities over his head.If I refuse to let him see his kids after he’s moved here to be closer to them...I’m basically the devil.
I force a smile.“What a great idea,” I say.“But in the future, with as busy as our mornings are, it would be best if your dad ran it pastmebefore he popped over.”I point at the counter where I set up a breakfast yogurt bar.Three kinds of yogurt, a few different types of chopped fruit, several varieties of granola, and chia seeds.This has been a hit at the hotel, and the kids love picking their own toppings for their yogurt, too.“Why don’t you grab yourself some breakfast, and I’ll wake everyone else up.”
