Metal cars skidding across the tiled floor filled the silence.
What could she say to him to cheer him up?
What could she suggest as a solution?
That he should get back out there and show the world that he wasn’t beaten?
But saying anything like that now would make him scurry back into his cave.Instead, Libby sat next to him on the bed and offered the only thing she had to offer—friendship.
“Nothing feels like it used to feel for you, does it, Cranky?”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“That horse not only shattered your leg.It shattered your identity.”
His breathing stilled.Had she struck a nerve?
“This isn’t the same thing,” she continued, “but when I found out I was pregnant, it felt like my identity shattered overnight too.”
Elliott had looked at her like she was some stranger living in his apartment.I don’t want a baby!Never have, never will.Juliana had bluntly said she’d no longer be able to do her job.You’ll go soft.And her parents, in their usual pessimistic way, had thought she’d ruined her life.You can’t have a baby alone.They suck all your energy.You won’t be able to cope.
Libby shook the memories away.They no longer haunted her, but they were still so clear in her mind.
“Thing is, Cranky, you’re grieving for how your life used to be,” she said.“That’s understandable and natural.I grieved for my past life, too, when Karim was born.The love I had for that tiny stranger both thrilled and overwhelmed me, but it also scared the living daylights out of me.I kept thinking, How will I ever be able to do all the things I used to do?I couldn’t even go to the bathroom!I was sore, exhausted.Mix in a whole bunch of post-birth hormones, and I thought my life would never be the same again.And it isn’t.Because it’s better.”
“You’re right,” Dan said.“Having a child is not the same thing as being left crippled.”
“Ah, now, you see, that word doesn’t have a good ring to it.How aboutchanged?”
He scoffed.“Seriously?”
“Yes.Words are a powerful thing.”Not that she’d tell him now that, as a journalist, she should know.“Words carry so much subtext and imagery.So instead of sayingcrippled, saychanged.And you know?I’m thinking one day, it’ll be a change for the better.Thechangeis already better than being dead, isn’t it?”
He choked out a laugh.“Yeah.”Then he took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks.“The thing is, Libby, Iamgrateful to still be alive—so grateful.I just don’t…feelit.All I feel is anger and resentment and this constant self-pity, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed.”
He studied his large hands hanging between his knees.“God, I feel stupid talking like this.I’m sorry you’ve had to listen to it.”
Libby’s mind filled with all the people out there—people like Juliana—who’d sell their grandmas to be listening to this, but then she shook all thoughts ofHot Gossipaway.
“Don’t sweat it, Cranky.This is what roomies do.”She nudged his shoulder.“Next time, I’ll paint your nails and braid your hair.”
Chapter 10
IntherestaurantoverlookingMuri Beach, Libby’s son beamed at his adoring fans.Slicing off another piece of potato, he eyed his audience and worked the crowd with a pause of anticipation before popping his fork into his mouth again.
“Yay!”
Everyone cheered and clapped at Karim’s newfound skill with cutlery.Even the waitresses and the table full of people next to them werecooingandahhing.The more eyes on him, the more he brimmed with happiness, soaking up the praise with squeals of delight.
And causing the best distraction ever.
Thanks, kid.
Karim had saved this horrendous dinner from being a thousand times more horrendous.
And so had Libby.
