“And the rest.” Helen roundhouse kicked the bag then followed through with a few more punches. “What do you want?”
“To apologize.”
When she didn’t say anything, Seb picked up a spare pair of gloves hanging from a rusty nail on the wall. The seams were frayed, revealing the stuffing inside. He pulled them on and threw a few punches.
“I had zero relationship with my father. I don’t like talking about him, but before you psychoanalyze that statement, don’t. I’ve seen several therapists over the years to understand exactly what my issues are with both my parents, and … it’s personal.” Seb stepped back from the bag. “I think it’s fair to expect people to respect that, but I shouldn’t have snapped at you and I’m sorry.”
Helen stayed quiet for a long moment. Waiting.
Right, next apology. Next explanation.
“I’m also sorry for what appeared to be a brush off. Things have gotten a little too involved between us and I don’t want you to think that I’m after a real relationship.”
“Why?”
“Because …”
“Because my dad was a thief?”
“No.”
“Because I’m not good enough for you?”
“No!” Seb punched the bag hard. “Because I spent a childhood listening to my parents fight and I promised myself back then that I’d never fall into the same trap.” He’d never revealed that to anyone. Not even Jimmy. “I like my own space. My own company. And that’s enough for me.”
Silence drew out between them.
“All right,” Helen said at last. The rip of Velcro cut through the air as she pulled off her gloves. “What do you want to do about us?”
“We have a contract—”
“Forget the stupid contract, Sebastian. What doyouwant?”
“I don’t know! I just …”Want to have hot sex with you all summer then walk away …
But it was the walking away part that he struggled with. He didn’t want to walk away from Helen, but staying meant commitment and commitment meant giving up his life—his soul—for it to be trampled, crushed into pieces and swept aside.
Countless memories of his parents screaming at each other haunted him. That was the reality of commitment. The brutal truth of when relationships turned sour. So, no matter how much he wanted to be with Helenrightnow, it wouldn’t be fair to string her along for the next five weeks and beyond. “I think I should move back upstairs. I didn’t sign up for a real relationship. I never do.”
There was a reason why all his ex-girlfriends called him emotionally unavailable. After surviving the battleground of his parents’ marriage, his store was closed, the door bricked up.
Seb tugged off his gloves and scraped his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Helen. I’m just not … capable.”
Chapter 27
“So,he’sstillsleepingback upstairs and you’re no longer …”
“Bonking? No, Em, we’ve stopped doing that.” Helen switched her phone to her other ear as she let herself out of her garden gate. By the time she reached the river, she’d finished relaying how she and Sebastian had most definitely, without a doubt, gone back to a platonic working relationship.
It was Monday, the following week, ten days since she and Sebastian had talked, ten days of treading a fine line around each other, ofpretendingto be his girlfriend. They were professional, polite—yes, ever so polite—to each other, and when they were forced to spend time together alone, like on car journeys to and from the events, they exhausted all sorts of neutral topics of conversation.
When they weren’tworkingtogether, they kept out of each other’s way. During the day, Sebastian spent a lot of time in Bristol, either at the office or in the gym where he’d made several friends. He’d speak to her conversationally about his day when he got back but would then retreat to his room, after which she’d lie awake, trailing his footsteps across the ceiling as he paced from his bed to the window. Sometimes he’d stop there as if he were looking out into the darkness, and other times, his footsteps got so close to the door that she held her breath, waiting for him to come down the stairs and back to her bed.
But, no. Sebastian’s ironclad discipline always won.
“So is this it? It’s over?” Emma asked.
“Yes, I suppose so. I can’t force the guy to be with me.” Especially as he believed he wasn’tcapableof a relationship, not that Helen would ever violate Sebastian’s privacy and tell Emma that part. His scars from his parents’ awful marriage were obviously deep-rooted if he feared relationships.
