In the warm, brightly lit kitchen, he switched on the kettle. “You should have something hot…” He looked through the cupboards then exhaled roughly. “I’m afraid my skills are quite lacking in this area. Except forcoffee…?”
“I’ll make it.” Since she wasn’t a coffee drinker, Shae put milk to heat on the wood-burning stove, pulled out the cocoa from the cupboard and heaped two spoonfuls into a mug, along with somesugar.
He lowered onto the chair opposite her, resting one arm on the table, the other rubbing his unshaven jaw. She recalled the raspy feel of his face between her thighs, and desire pooled low in her belly again, warmth flooding hercheeks.
He lifted a questioning brow. She shook her head. “Do any of the other Guardians know about this? About you?” She brought the conversation back to where they’d leftoff.
A shrug rolled off a broad shoulder. “Michael. Nik…Hedori. The others, no. I rarely spend time withthem…”
Shae stared at him. And at the rigid set of his features, she understood why. He probably thought they would condemn him because of what he’d become. Her heart hurt for him. Heck, the Guardians’ main duty was to kill those soul-hunting, blood-suckingdemoniis.
She got the pot of hot milk from the stove, added some to her mug, and stirred. “Is Nik your…closefriend?”
A shadow flickered in his eyes. “Yeah.”
Right. There was no getting around this. She smoothed her damp palms down her nightshirt and finally asked the one question she didn’t want to know the answer to but needed. “The other day, you said something about sex when feeding…does that happen every time you have toeat?”
A sigh. “Shae—”
“Tellme.”
He rubbed his nape as if uncomfortable talking about this. “Not always, but the female gets a high from my bite—it’s the saliva that’s produced, it’s sort of an aphrodisiac to ease the donor’s pain… So yeah, ithappens.”
Her stomach hurt like acid settled in there. Hell, he didn’t need to seek out anyone with the way he looked with his immense height, tough body, and hard, handsome face. Throw in that sensual vampiric allure, and women would queue up for a roll withhim.
“So you need a woman everynight?”
“No, Shae, I don’t seek out human females for anything. I’ve been feeding on animals more often than not for what seems like forever. It’s less of a bother. Unfortunately, animal plasma only eases my hunger…” His gaze lowered to his hands clasped on the table. “Every few weeks, I need strongerblood.”
Unease swept through her. Her grip tightened around her mug. “What are yousaying?”
His shadowed stare met hers. “There’s a goddess from my old pantheon…only immortal blood can strengthen myabilities.”
It was the pause in his comments that had her gaze dropping to her untouched beverage. He’d had justonewoman through the ages, and of his kind, too. One whom he’d obviously slept with and fed from. Pain burroweddeeper.
A chair dragged back on the granite floor. He rose. “Shae…”
She had to force the words out through a throat gone tight with anguish, “I…I braced myself for this, but it still hurts.” Hurts? Christ. His admission was like a knife shredding her heart. Herhopes.
He crossed to her, but she stepped back, evading hishand.
His fingers clenched. “Shae, I hadn’t been with her for weeksbeforeI met you. Now, I couldn’t—wouldn’thurt you in that way. You’re far too important to me. You are all thatmatters.”
Later…later she’d berate herself for this, for wanting to know everything despite being caught in this cyclone of pain. Becausehope, that bitch, had cemented her feet to the ground at hisadmission.
“But without her blood, your powers weaken. And being a Guardian, you have to be at full strength,right?”
“I’m immortal. I’ll be fine.” He slipped his fists into his pants pockets and leaned against the table. “There’s something you should know, why I can’t—I won’t ever feed fromyou.”
Inhaling deeply, she bracedherself.
“The change left me with a curse. An inexorable thirst when I consume human blood. It hikes my bloodlust, and I lose control,” he said, tone flat as if reciting the addresses from a phonebook. “When I first came to this world, I killed many. I didn’t know how to control this continuous hunger. Then I became a Guardian, and I couldn’t. Harming mortals would break my sacred oath. Michael stepped in and suggested feeding from animmortal…”
He exhaled heavily. “But while on patrol, I needed help. We had another houseman in those early days, a fae named Izzeri, Angelus’s kin. He makes those smokes for me. The plant’s only found in Exilum—it’s a place beyond this realm for exiled immortals and used by the vampires who live there. It blocks the scent of blood and eases me while on patrol. Humans can be quite careless when it comes to their penchant for violence, which more often than not leads to bloodshed. Mercifully, I have no contact with them except in the line ofduty.”
“I’m sosorry.”
“Don’t be. I accepted what I am eonsago.”
