Did she not know who I was? For some reason, the knowledge cheered me. Sure, I wanted her to know me—but therealme, not the usual shit the newspaper spewed out.
Her cell beeped. She picked it up, swiped her thumb over the screen, and her soft mouth tightened. She deleted the message and dropped her phone on the counter. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but she’d probably just shut me out and hide deeper behind the wall she seemed to take such pleasure in putting between us.
Christ knew I had my own crap I never wanted to talk about. If she knew what I’d done…the horror I was responsible for, she’d definitely kick me out on my ass.
Ray walked into the kitchen, dressed in jeans and a USF tee. “Mornin’ my fave people in SF.”
She gravitated toward the coffee pot like a bloodhound, filled a mug, and dropped on the stool beside me, taking a deep drink of the steaming beverage. She closed her eyes, as if letting the caffeine revive her, then her eyelids popped open. “Ila, don’t forget this afternoon—”
“Can’t. I’m busy.”
“Ila,pleeease?” Ray wheedled. “Do this for me, and I’ll be your slave forever. I have to study for a test.”
“Do the laundry.”
Ray wrinkled her nose. “Okay.” She drained her coffee, left her mug in the sink. “I’m off. Later, people.”
The sisters got me curious. “What’s happening this afternoon?”
Logan ate some of her gooey mess before she responded. “Ray wants me to chaperone our neighbor’s kids to the park.”
“What’s so hard about that?”
“You haven’t met Peter and Iris. The twins are ankle-biting terrors, and faster than a jet on rocket fuel. An afternoon with them is like boot camp.” A tiny smile tugged at her mouth, and all I could do was stare. It was like a beam of sunlight flooding me, warming me.
“So, you’re terrified of children?”
She snorted. “If you’re such an expert onyoungpeople, why don’t you try it?”
“Very well. What time do we leave?”
Her mouth dropped open. Just as fast, she backtracked. “No-no, I merely meant—”
“Backing out, Logan?” I drawled, pushing to my feet. Yeah, like I was going to be a nice guy and let this go.
Glowering, she stabbed her spoon back into her breakfast. “Hardly.”
“Good. What time?”
“Two.”
It was said with such reluctance, I couldn’t resist. “It’s a date.” I winked and walked out.
***
Despite the twinges and aches informing me that I’d brutally worked my body to the bone in the gym, the chaos in my mind remained undiminished as I left my shrink, Jean Creswell’s office.
It wasn’t a visit I liked. Too much shit there, too. After I’d turned eighteen, she and I had done the dirty. I hadn’t planned forthatto happen, but she’d stroked my arm, and I hadn’t cared who she was, I just wanted the crap inside my head—the pain—gone. I wanted the nothingness an emotionless fuck had given me. At least, in the past…
But I needed my prescription refilled, so she had to be faced. Damn, but I hated the questions she still hounded me with.Like I’d ever talk. I hadn’t before, and that wasn’t going to change. Ever.
My old man had done all the talking when he’d first dragged me there.No, he doesn’t remember the accident—doesn’t sleep.
No point in reiterating the same shit. She knew there was nothing she could do, except give me whatIneeded. Though it didn’t stop her from giving methelook as I walked out.
Jaw tight, I slipped the script into my pocket, and paused on the pavement outside the building, scanning the street choked with traffic for a cab. My earlier stop at the Conservatory hadn’t gone well either. The music director hadn’t been in, so my future there remained up in the air.
Right. I might as well visit the devil at his helm and round off a crappy morning of visits.
