“Ye still want him to love ye. Ye want him to approve of ye. That’s always been yer way, Struan. Ye chase after the unattainable ones, always. Ye wanted, so badly, for him to smile for ye and tell ye that he was proud.”
He clenched his jaw. “I was like that when we were bairns, aye. But now?—”
“Now the feeling has gone deeper and become harder to root out,” she interrupted softly. She closed the book gently, setting it aside. “Look, Struan, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to bring all of this up, not when ye are talking to me properly for the first time in… in goodness knows how long. I miss my brother, ye know. I miss him more than he knows.”
A lump lodged itself in Struan’s throat. He felt eyes on him and glanced up to find one of the guards staring at him curiously. The other two were looking away, but one had his eyes on Struan, an odd expression on his face. It was as if he were seeing Struan for the first time.
When their eyes met, the guard looked away. Swallowing, Struan turned back to his sister.
“Do ye think…” he ventured slowly, weighing each word as he said it., “Do ye think that I am like our father?”
Kyla sucked in a breath. “Struan, how can ye even think that?”
“How can Ithinkit? Can’t ye guess? Ever since ye left Dickson Keep, I have lost the last soft part of myself. It felt as though ye took a piece of me with ye when ye left. The best piece. I… I’ve just been going through the motions since ye left. I was angry, Kyla, I was so angry it hurt. I suppose Father knew thatand got me all wound up and whipped up against ye. At times, I think I almost hated ye.”
Kyla smiled sadly. “I tried to hate ye. When I heard about what ye had done, about the people ye slaughtered for Father, I tried so hard to tell myself that ye weren’t my brother anymore. The thought just wouldn’t stick, and I’m glad that it didn’t.”
For a moment, Struan couldn’t formulate the words. At last, he reached out, groping for her hand. She tightened her grip on him, fingers lacing together. They sat like that for a few moments, the rising sun slowly sweeping over them.
“I think that ye have found people who believe in ye,” Kyla whispered at last. “I have always believed, but others… There are others who are coming round. People who might once have killed ye on sight now see that there’s something beneath the surface with ye, Struan. I have always known it, and now they know it, too.”
She was talking about Una, that much was plain to see. Struan glanced at his sister out of the corner of his eye.
How much does she know? Does she know how far Una and I have gone?
How would she react if she did?
“I’m afraid… I’m afraid I’ll destroy ye,” he whispered, the words coming out as if they were choked. “All of ye. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop it.”
Kyla’s hand tightened on his.
“Ye can, Struan,” she murmured, shifting to face him more fully. “Listen. All of this? It’s almost over.”
He eyed her warily. “What do ye mean?”
“I mean that…” she paused, chewing her lip. “At one time, I wouldn’t have dared tell ye.”
He stiffened. “Then maybe ye shouldn’t.”
“The armies are ready,” she blurted out. “Clans Kenneth and Grahame are ready to fight. They have an army to almost rivalthe Dickson army, and they’re almost ready to make a move. One last battle, and perhaps all of this will be over.”
There was a taut silence after that. Struan could feel the color draining from his face.
Why did ye have to tell me that, Kyla?
Kyla didn’t seem to notice his agony. She reached up, cupping his face in her hands. He found himself thinking of Una, whose hands were larger, stronger, and rougher.
He missed her touch. He missed it far more than was sensible.
“Ye will do the right thing, Struan,” Kyla whispered, her eyes fixed on his face. “I know ye will.”
Then somebody called her name from inside the Keep, and Kyla’s attention was immediately diverted. She dropped her hands from his face, and Struan could breathe again.
“I have to go,” she said, uncertainly, glancing up at her brother once more. “But ye will think of what I said, won’t ye?”
Struan tried to summon a smile and failed. “Of course I will.”
Kyla nodded, looking relieved, and dove up to press a kiss to his cheek. She scurried off, her book tucked under her arm, leaving Struan sitting on the wall, alone.
