She needs to know that she’s not alone, and it seems I have a message for her. I must lose myself to become who she needs me to be.
The lonesomeness floods my consciousness as I press on toward that flame. Toward Carys.
When I come to, I’m on the floor, Tiernan cradling my head in his lap. I bolt upright and my head swims. Scrambling to my feet, I barely make it to the rubbish bin as my stomach upends itself. The words from beyond that I projected into Carys’s mind replay in my ownmemory. Tiernan is at my side seconds later, one hand holding my hair away from my face, the other rubbing between my shoulder blades as my stomach continues to revolt. As the energy continues to drain from me, my body trembles uncontrollably. I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth and turn my wavering gaze to Tiernan.
“Carys?” he asks.
I nod, making the room spin.
“Paramount,” I sign. I sit there on the floor, fighting the darkness that tries to pull me under so I can tell Tiernan everything I fear will come to pass tonight.
CHAPTER 77
Carys
The familiar strainingache of my shoulders is what yanks me out of oblivion. Again, my arms and legs are splayed and bound to the merciless X-shaped apparatus. My pulse races, trepidation rushing through my veins. As much as I try to steady my breathing, my chest grows tighter.
“You might as well open your eyes,” a singsong voice says. “I know you’re awake.”
My stomach dips, my throat closing up. Before I face this torture, I need to think. I don’t budge; I search the crevices of my mind for a way to get out of this. Eefa craves attention. Her face was ecstatic when she imagined masquerading as the queen at Iywan’s side. Perhaps her loyalties don’t lie with the Zenith, but with herself. That wouldn’t surprise me.
Eefa accused me of being obsessed with the devotion of others, but perhaps she was only projecting her own desires.
Eefa is face to face with me. I jump so hard that the shackles dig into my wrists and ankles. I bite back a cry of pain and stare her down.
“You know the drill, darling,” she croons, flipping her dagger. I track the blade as it spins and lands in her grasp again and again. “Master Iywan is upstairs arranging a council meeting as we speak, so you don’t have much time. What will it be?”
“What has Iywan offered to make you so enthusiastic about torturing me?”
She cocks a brow, and the blade spins once more.
“You do know that once Iywan’s plan comes to fruition, he’ll just marry you off to some stuffy lord, right?” I pour my focus into speaking steadily even as sweat gathers in the small of my back.
“Nonsense, I’m his most useful weapon.” She isn’t quite convinced of her own words. The dagger spins in the air again before she catches it. I track the motion while I try to figure out my next move.
“I’m glad you got rid of Callum,” I say, my throat tensing as I speak. “He was always so sulky whenever you showed up.”
“Hmm, yes he was quite the sulker, that one.”
“How did you overpower an ordained knight? Did you change into the form of a man?”
She laughs. “Oh Carys, who would’ve thought you were a misogynist. I’ll have you know that I overpowered him with this magnificent body you love so much, but yes, I can transform into a man. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, darling? Someone to replace your sweet, chivalrous Callum?”
Don’t let her get to you, says a voice.
A breath rushes out of me at the return of that voice.
Patience.
“Can you change into Iywan?” I force myself to ask Eefa.
Eefa’s brows raise.
“We can execute his plan together. You can be my right hand. We can rule this realm as the emperor and empress. We don’t need Iywan.”
Desperation has its talons in me as Eefa mulls over my words, her lips pursed as she idly twirls the dagger between her fingers. Then at last, she peers up at me and grins predatorily. “I am aware that you knew me as Lowri, the mousy little servant girl who didn’t have a mind of her own. Yet… I’m still offended that you think I’m daft enough to trust your little half-arsed ploy.”
My gulp is audible. I barely manage to blink before Eefa’s blade is at my throat. I hold my breath and try not to swallow.
