I’m up before either Eefa or Ellynne can say anything, and Callum follows along as I practically jog out of the dining hall.
We make it to my bedchamber in record time, and as I’m about to walk in, Callum grasps my arm, but I yank it away. He regards me with such tranquility that the fight is snuffed out of me. “I’m concerned about you,” Callum says.
Laughter sputters out of me. “Of course you are. Who isn’t? Callum, I’m so tired. I?—”
“Maybe we should step inside?”
I sigh softly, gesturing to the door. Together, we enter my bedchamber, and I’m hit with a surge of more longing than I know how to handle. Normally, Callum entering the inner sanctum of mybedchamber is simple, but now I can only stare up at him, my eyes prickling with tears.
“Car—”
My hands act on their own accord, shoving him against the door. With fistfuls of his livery, I yank him down to my level and press my lips against his. He resists, pulling his head back slightly. I don’t know what comes over me, but I bite down. It’s not driven by passion, but something else. Something blistering and enraged and so very confused.
Callum pulls away with a sharp gasp, lifting a hand to his lower lip where blood blooms.
I step back, my hands over my mouth. “I didn’t mean— I just…” I turn to walk away but Callum grabs my hand, pulling me close.
“I did once say that I wasn’t opposed to biting, didn’t I?” he asks me, the corner of his lips quirking up.
I smirk at him. “Yes, but I’m sure you didn’t mean for me to bite you like some rabid hound.”
He lowers his forehead against mine, and it’s so tender that my heart aches to the point where I can’t breathe. He cares so much for me, and I… I’m just perplexed. It’s too much. I turn away from him. “Leave.”
He doesn’t move right away, but before I can shout at him, the door shuts behind me. I start to pace, fiddling with my amulet until a knock startles me.
“It’s me.”
Ellynne. I don’t respond, but that doesn’t stop her from barging in.
“Please talk to me,” she says quietly when the door shuts behind her.
A solitary tear rolls down my cheek, and I swat it away as I continue pacing.
“Carys.”
“Please, just go away.” I hate how small my voice sounds.
Ellynne nods, but the question remains on her face. “Alright. But I will be back later. You just need a hot bath and rest. Tomorrow is a new day. Nighttime brings out the worst in us, but with the dawn comes new perspectives.”
Abruptly, I stop pacing and reel on her. “Go. Away!”
She blinks quickly, but then she bobs a small curtsy and retreats.
The door closes behind her and I allow the tears to fall. I cannot trust her. I cannot trust anyone. I need to figure things out myself—there is no one else to help me clean up this mess. Not my mother, not Alys, not Tiernan. Not Callum, Ellynne, Lowri, or Eefa.Certainlynot Iywan or the councilors.
Audience was one small step, but it solves nothing. I need to expose Iywan to the Council. But with my history, will that only make it look as though I’ve finally lost my mind?
I fear I’ll have to risk it.
CHAPTER 51
Durvla
As we rideacross the contours of the land, my arms wrapped around Kilkenny’s waist, I desperately want to stop to admire the stars above. There is a vibrant blend of colors that I’ve never seen in the night sky before. I want so much to dismount Ghendor and lay in the grass. To just take some time to breathe, admire the constellations, connect the dots, sleep…
I’m exhausted; long gone is the satisfied fullness and joviality of the Festival of Damarlach. My heart contracts at the memory of Dubh Carrig up in flames. I can’t get the image out of my head.
Durvla needs to be trained. Her powers would be a great asset to the rebellion.Haruka’s words echo in my mind. Me, a great asset to the rebellion? It’s laughable. On a daily basis, I trip over my own two feet, I’m susceptible to dizziness and headaches… Until two weeks ago, I had no idea that magic even still existed, let alone thatIhad magic. I highly doubt that I can hone my powers to be any use to the rebellion, anyway.
