“Here we are,” she says, pushing open a large set of tall doors.
My eyes grow wide and my room at the manor suddenly feels every bit as barren and rudimentary as my room at the La’tari keep had been.
Tall windows line the southern wall, stretching from floor to ceiling, topped in a leaded array of glass diamonds. Flowering vines drape wildly across the exterior of every pane. A large bed sits across from the fire with posts carved in the likeness of trees, the high branches of their canopy reaching out toward one another and twining over the center of the bed. Deep blue silks drape from the pillars, cascading into pools of fabric on the marble floor. A small seating area for entertaining sits beside the fire, with another large set of doors opposite it. Awri explains that the doors lead to my bathing chambers, though she doesn’t come inside.
After reassuring her that there is nothing I need, she leaves with a promise to collect me in the morning. I walk into the bathing chamber to get ready for bed and groan when my eyes fall on the tub. It sits in the center of the chamber, a giant bowl carved out of a mossy green stone, large enough to fit four more beside myself. Not that I have any intention of inviting someone to join me.
I want a bath, but the day has worn on me, so I wash myself down with a warm soapy rag and crawl into bed. I eat a small pinch of my herbs, looking deep into the sack as I try not to think about the fact that my supply won’t last the weeks until the king’s return. Throughout my life, there were often nights when I wished I could summon sleep more quickly and tonight will surely be one of them.
A general sense of unease has taken me over. It started the moment I agreed to Awri’s offer of friendship. It changes nothing. It can’t.
Still, my mind wanders to lessons I learned from Leanna and then to Vakesh. I flinch at the thought of his name—it’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to think it since I set foot in A’kori. Though Leanna attempted to teach me the same lesson long ago, hers had been far less painful. She was never able to reach me the way he could.
Turns out, I’d preferred her method of teaching in the end. After all, bones heal and flesh knits back together. I suppose some lessons require deeper wounds, wounds unseen that take far longer to heal.
Stars, I hope they heal. As much as I hope they scar. It is always harder to break through a wound that scars.
I won’t let myself be mad about those lessons, but I can’t stop fromhating myself for my willingness to inflict those hurts on another. I tell myself it will be worth it, that her pain is nothing compared to the lives that will be saved. I remind myself that Awri fought in the war and is responsible for inflicting this same pain on countless others.
But nothing I tell myself settles the roiling mass of guilt inside me. After a while, I give in and stop fighting it, letting it wash over me. I bathe in the ugliness, reminding myself that this is what I was made for, and this is what I deserve.
CHAPTER 17
THE A’KORI PALACE
Present Day
For all the good the herb does me, I still sleep like hisht. I’m glad I no longer have my daggers when someone begins pounding on my door, drawing me from the last of what little restless sleep I managed to obtain. I would have thrown the blade hard enough to be sure the tip punched through to the other side of the door. A fair declaration of my annoyance.
“Coming!” I yell, rolling out of bed, wrapping the silk sheet around my body and leaving the duvet to fall onto the floor.
I hadn’t packed anything to sleep in and there wasn’t anything hanging in the large closet connected to the washroom when I checked last night.
Another bang sounds, and I glare through squinted eyes, still tender in the light of the morning sun. Awri did say she wanted to start early but I wasn’t expecting a predawn awakening. I glance out the window as I swing open the heavy door and—all right, I might be exaggerating, it isn’tthatearly. Normally I would have been out of bed an hour ago.
A plump woman with a tidy brown bun and mousy nose backs into my room, dragging a large trunk behind her.
“Good morning, lady. I am Tiana. I’ve been sent with your things and asked to attend you.”
I’m about to protest my need for her services when she disappears into the washroom and I’m struck silent by a series of fluttering whispers gliding past my ears. My head whips toward the bed, where I find two angry sprites, hiding half-heartedly behind a bedpost.
I’ve never considered what one of the sprites might do if she were offended, but I have no intention of finding out. Tiana flips the lever above the bath, the water splashing as the tub begins to fill. The beautiful golden hues of the sprite’s skin begin to rapidly darken as they glower in unison toward the woman.
Keeping my eyes on them, I yell, “Thank you, Tiana. That is very kind of you, but I won’t need your assistance.”
The woman ambles into the main room, and I place my body between hers and the seething sisters, entirely unsure if I’m protecting them from her or the other way around.
“But I was told—”
“Never mind what you were told,” I say, grasping her hand and pulling her to the door. “I’ll make sure everyone is aware of your efforts and that the decision was mine.”
“But—”
“Thank you.” I shuffle her into the hall with a hand on the small of her back, shut the door, and pin my ear to it until I hear her leave, grumbling under her breath.
Tig’s color is a little closer to normal by the time I turn back, but her eyes are glued to the door. I think she may be debating the logistics of going after the poor woman.
“She was just doing her job,” I assure her.
