“Never slept better,” I answer honestly, when we break our kiss.
A half-smile curls at his lips, and a ghost of mischief remains at the corner of his mouth as if he can smell my arousal.
“Good. Now, let's eat. You must be hungry.”
My stomach rumbles, and I eagerly place a fluffy pancake on my plate and a boiled egg. I pour maple syrup over the baked goodness, and we eat in comfortable silence. After breakfast, I get dressed. Jasper mentioned he wants to show me around thearea. We thread through mud and dense forestry. With mud-caked boots, I stomp around, inhaling the fresh air, while I wrestle with branches and leaves that cross my path.
When Jasper was twenty-five, both his parents died in a car crash. A freak accident. Being their only son, he inherited not only their small fortune but also their mansion. His parents had bought the home under the right circumstances, for a small price, its worth doubled with each passing year. Not able to live there anymore, as every corner of the house was a stark reminder of his loving parents, Jasper decided to sell it. It was sold for several million dollars, enough to let Jasper live the rest of his life in comfort. He invested money here and there, bought cryptocurrency when it became available, and let it sit. All of it led him to buy the house he lives in now, with acres of forest that belong to him, not a living soul around him, aside from Marvin. Marvin brings him groceries and does whatever Jasper asks, as he pays him well. A personal assistant. Some might find the isolation frightening, but I find it comforting. I have no worries about walking into a familiar face, which used to be my biggest fear. To engage with those out of politeness. Shallow conversations both parties wanted to disassociate from, at their earliest convenience.
All of this had happened ten years ago, and ever since, Jasper had primarily lived in solitude. Unable to find anyone he connected with who wanted to live in seclusion with him. Most people wouldn’t voluntarily estrange themselves, except for me. The thought of retreating into the shadows, away from the world's motions, was appealing—an offer I could not forsake.
We return home from the woods, and I take off my muddy boots; streaks of dirt stain the leather. I hang my coat and shawl, then walk into the kitchen and sit down. Jasper puts on the kettle and grabs two mugs, each with a different illustration ofwildflowers: mine features poppies, and his has marigolds. The ridges are adorned with a thin gold line. Delicate cups.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask pensively.
I wrap my slender fingers around the hot cup as steam rises into the air, and the honey that clings to my teaspoon slowly dissolves into my Earl Grey tea. I gently swirl the spoon through my tea.
“Of course, anything you’d like,” he says, as he blows onto his tea to cool it down before he takes a sip.
“I can understand people… women, would find it difficult to live secluded here, but… how is it possible you never had a relationship for so long…”
I glance at him through my eyelashes, trying to decipher his face, to see if I’m crossing a line or if he’s changing his mind about me being here. But none of that happens. Jasper sets his cup down and leans back against the wooden chair, which creaks softly.
I can tell he gives my question consideration.
“Do you think you are ready to hearmytruth, Darling?” he asks, his eyes darkening as he meets my gaze.
I lick my lips. “I am.” The words come out without any hesistance, despite that part of me is terrified for his words, yet I feel strangely calm as well, and I lock in on him.
“I am unable to love someone on a mere surface level, Clara. I have this feral need to possess, to consume a human being. I wantallof you, body and mind. I love with such intensity that most people cannot handle it—at least not yet. I will bind myself to you like ivy to stone, root myself within you. But with that possessiveness, the ugly inside of me rears its head, a jealousy that runs through my veins and comes out whenever a person who isminecatches someone’s attention.”
Jasper takes a sip from his cooled-down tea; no more steam billows.
“Besides that ugly part, there’s this monster inside me... I have trouble controlling it; a constant simmering anger lives within me that I suppress by doing things no man should do… It’s the only way to silence it… partially, at least. The truth is… I’m dangerous, Clara. It becomes more intense and reveals itself to the world when my heart is captured. Therefore, I don’t go near women, but with you… I was unable to stay away from you, and I’ve been selfish. I can admit that. It is your name that is carved into the cathedral of my ribs. I can’t promise I won’t lash out at anyone who looks at you wrongly, or that the monster will stay caged, but I will vow that I would bleed each hour if it meant your heart kept beating. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”
He looks at me, defeat visible in his eyes as he offers me his beating heart on a silver plate, for me to do as I please. I hear the words he doesn’t speak out loud. There’s still time to step away, to leave him behind and never look back. If I want, this is my cue to run away. It’s his vulnerability that makes me love him even more than I already do. His honesty, hismonsterthat lives inside him, I want to embrace him wholly, make him as much mine, as I am his.
“Jasper, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care if you believe you’re a monster, because I know that you’re not. Don’t you understand it’s you I’ve been looking for, waited on my entire life. It was you who pulled me back from the depths of darkness that I was ready to explore. You gave me back my life. Being here made me realize I was born only to die at your side, instead of in the shadows, alone. You are the marrow in my hollow bones, and I would walk with you through the ash of worlds if you let me.”
Without saying a word, Jasper gets up, walks around the table, and stands still. He tilts my head up with one hand, the gesture intimate and possessive, and our gazes meet again.
“Do you understand what you’re saying, Clara? If you confess your love to me, I’ll never let you leave my side. You will be mine, and mine alone. Do you understand what that entails? I won’t have the strength to release you, ever. I’ll possess you, all of you.Mine.” The final word is spoken with a low growl.
“My years are yours to spend, my breaths, yours to count. And wherever you go, my bones will follow. I will love all of you, including the monster that houses inside you. I want… no… need to be yours, Jasper. I don’t want to be released,ever.”
I’ve never felt more certain about anything in my life. Not a single ounce of doubt that I belong here, right beside him. Every cut, every sorrow has led me straight to him. I place my hand on his chest and feel his pounding heart, a frantic flutter, like bats circling in a cave. He takes my hand and kisses the tips of my fingers.
“We are threads in the same dark tapestry, you and I,” he says, “And I crave to unravel you, until your soul is bare to me.”
I stand up and kiss him: his chest, his neck, his lips. I taste the salt on his skin, and I feel the heat rise once more between my legs, as my vagina sings while his mouth explores mine, our tongues dancing together.
“I’m bound to you, even in ruins,” I breathe, doing my best not to moan. “I’m offering you all of me, to take, to possess.”
“I’m asking you one more time. If you still say yes, I will no longer be able to keep control. I will take everything you offer me, and more. I will rip your clothes from your body, and I will consume what’s rightfully mine.”
I swallow hard, as my throat constricts; my core is soaking wet from hearing those words, and my clitoris throbs in anticipation.
“All my breaths are yours,” I whisper.
