He set down his books rather heavily and the sound drew my eye, even when I wanted to avoid looking at anything of his.
I turned my head and read darkened, matte-black words along a deep gray, clothbound book.
The Scientist by Burbank Gates.
Then Stein Rule spoke his first words to me. “Do you have a pen I can borrow?”
Chapter 29
Sullen
There is blood flecked on the green travel bag, but if Karia notices, she says nothing. Standing in the onyx-and-gold laced bathroom on the third floor—the one rarely used by anyone at all, often forgotten about—she only has her arms crossed over her chest and a frown gracing her beautiful lips.
Her gaze is on the black tile and even in the spacious room—black freestanding tub with a golden cart full of shampoos, conditioner, soap, bubbles; the work of one of my father’s employees, I am sure; a shower stall tiled in gray with golden veins, three showerheads, glass doors; double sinks, a wall that is entirely a mirror at my back, inlaid with golden ornamental filigree around the edges, and a walk-in closet full of towels like the white fluffy one I set on the counter for her—she is standing close to me, an inch or two away, if that.
I can smell the acrid scent of cleaning supplies and my own filth upon her, and although I told her she was dirty, it wasn’tthatwhich stopped me from giving her what she pretends she so desperately wants.
It is my own nerves.
I cannot get undressed. I cannot be intimate.
Even with this princess I have dreamt of for years, in both nightmares and heavenly musings.
She is everything—theverything—I have wanted all my life, and perhaps that is why baring myself to her seems an impossible task.
With someone else, it could be easier. If I could only practice, maybe I can return to her with more confidence and skill, knowing exactly what she needs. Yet even though I do not understand her own jealousies, mine are wound so tightly around my throat when it comes to her, it is hard to breathe seeing her in the same room as another person.
But perhaps she doesn’t care so deeply. Maybe I could ask the favor; to touch someone else, as a rehearsal. If only we survive this.
The fan hums quietly over our heads in the high ceilings, a short chandelier in the middle of the room turned on its dimmest setting, thanks to me. I was surprised she agreed to follow me here when I offered her my hand in the library, the one Stein never set foot in as far as I know.
But she took my offer, I helped her to her feet, and she brushed the glass off her flawless skin then shrugged her shirt down, all without blushing.
It must be the wine.
Even now, staring at her bare feet chipped with pink polish that has seen better days, she seems a little unsteady, rocking back and forth, still dressed in an oversized shirt and shorts.
“Where is Sanford?” she asks quietly, her mouth dry.
“Maybe dead.” I don’t know, nor do I care. Cosmo, as he stripped me with a gun to my head and taunted me with worse, told me he had locked the man up. Where, I didn’t question. Sanford Rule’s safety means little to me.
No one’s does, including my own. The only exception is the girl in front of me now.
“Cosmo?” She lifts her tired eyes to mine and I swear I see a flicker of a shitty little smile on her soft lips as she says his name with care.
I cross my arms, mimicking her posture, and lean against the counter at my back, portraying an indifference I do not know how to feel. “The same.”
She doesn’t seem upset by the idea, although she must knowIwould know nothing of his whereabouts in this estate. The last time I saw him was the same as her.
“Well if you plan to kill Stein when he arrives with his many men after he does not find us having the time of our life in Florida, perhaps you should act like you know what the fuck you’re doing.” Her eyes flash and there is no mirth in her expression now. She lifts her chin, her tangled hair falling back down her shoulders, a strand of brighter blonde across her cheekbone. There are so many marks on her—the cut along her throat, my teeth marks, the bruises—she looks like a queen having conquered a battle. When it comes to me, she won long ago, even if she has no idea.
“Find Cosmo, find Sanford, form a plan, Sullen.” She jerks her head to the shower stall at her back, spanning nearly the length of the room. “And leave me alone so I can get less dirty for you in peace.” Despite her strong, vicious words, she looks to be trembling where she stands, no longer rocking on her feet, trying so hard to stand still.
I know that feeling.
Feigning courage in the face of absolute terror.
But what, exactly, is she afraid of? The way she offered herself to me on the floor of the library, I don’t believe it’s me.
