Then I ask the one true question, the thing I have been dreading, more maybe than any other next step.
“What happens, after all of this?” I don’t look at him. I stare at the wine glass perched on my thigh, my pulse rattling inside my ribcage.At least give me this.
In place of his dreadful silence, he counters with, “All of this?”
“The war of killing Stein and whoever else.” I wave my fingers absently as if it means nothing, whatever he decides to say, but I still can’t look him in the eye.
“Do you want to? Kill him?” There is a measured tone to his voice. Something hesitant.
Slowly, I flick my gaze to his. “I think that honor should go to you, but I wouldlove to.”
He doesn’t so much as blink, but at least he doesn’t give me the silent treatment. “You think I should have any honor at all? You’ve watched me murder two people. You’ve cleaned up things you shouldn’t have.” There is a pink flush to his hollow cheeks, but I force myself not to smile at the sight, worried he’ll interpret it the wrong way.
“I would probably lick it from the floor if it made you less sad.” That’s what comes out instead of my smile.
Shit. I should not have said that.
I blink rapidly, the fever dream of a room blurring around Sullen, as if he is all I can focus on in my mortification. Yet even as my heart pounds and my body grows hot and I feel slightly queasy, the look in his eyes silences the whoosh of humiliation thumping in my ears.
He doesn’t laugh or mock me. He seems awed. Wide eyes, parted lips, a soft furrow between his dark brows.
I want to laugh in relief.
But seconds tick by, and he turns his head. “You’re drunk,” he says under his breath, as if dismissing my words. Not like he’s embarrassed for me, but like he doesn’t believe me.
I take a deep inhale, exhale slowly, recovering from admitting so much. “And? I still like you.”
“Like me? You shouldn’t.” He still won’t face me, his gloved hand under his chin now, elbow propped on the arm of his chair. Asullenprince.
“You’re not very good at flirting, Sullen.” I keep my voice low, lascivious. Despite what I have done with Cosmo, I was never really the one seducing him. In fact, there was nothing I had to do to earn him save for get very drunk. Now, I’m on my way to that level of inebriation, yet I feel as if I need to coax Sullen into this. I think of him pressed against me at Dreary, the noises he made. I want them again.I want everything.I know it’s the wine clouding my judgement, erasing my questions and anger and confusion, but for now,fuck the rest.
But he doesn’t face me as he speaks again. “Don’t say it. I’ll do it for you. I’m boring, aren’t I?”
Abruptly, a giggle bursts from me, bright and loud in the quiet room, and I don’t regret it.“Yes.”
“Come sit on my lap and tell me again.” Still, all without turning his head.
I twirl the empty wine glass between my fingers, my head loose, floating. “Much better flirting.”
He turns to look at me. And says nothing else.
Despite the chill in the room, as I glance up at the painted ceiling, a flush of heat crawls down my throat. What was I saying inside my head, aboutcoaxinghim? About convincing him? Now, it seems, he may have to convince me. Not because I don’t want to sit on his lap—I wouldcrawlto him, if he demanded it—but because with his stern tone and without being strapped down and taken control of, it’s like I’ve suddenly forgotten how to do this. Like I’m instantlyshy,which is very untrue.
My breath comes in quick pants, thinking of stumbling into him. But I can’tstumble;I have to pretend I’m not drunk at all. No wonder he acted as if he injected me with a sedative at Dreary. Maybe he has seen past each mask I own. All this time I thought he was hiding from me, but I am not sure I have ever once shown him my true self, either.
I am not sure I have shown anyone.
Waking in a pool of blood, a knife to my throat, cleaning up urine from the floor, all of that seems so much easier than this for reasons I don’t understand.
Maybe because with him, unlike with Cosmo or Von, it’s real.
It could be devastating, if I lose this. If I do the wrong thing.
“Now it isyouwho are boringme,Karia.” His voice is a mocking, seductive whisper.
A thrill rushes through my veins as a smile I can’t hide spreads over my mouth.
I lower my eyes to him, finding him staring back, his expression blank, and yet it is so fuckinghot.Dark eyes, lilac-tinted wavy hair, his full lips pressed together, chin dipped, knees spread as if waiting for me…
