“I can’t afford to get drunk right now.”
Cosmo sighs heavily, then glances at the dresser. The way he pivots, I see there is a wine bottle and a nearly-empty glass there I didn’t hear him set down. He’s been drinking as I scrub piss from the floor. The brilliant urge to slap him slams through me and I grit my teeth as he slowly turns to face me again.
“Actually, you can. They won’t come here, not for days yet. And I know you want to.” He inclines his head toward the proffered glass. “You were always happier this way.”
“Isn’t everyone?” I snip back, my face growing hot and I’m not even quite sure why. Maybe because he remembers me most drunk. Maybe because helikes memost when I’m drunk. I don’t think I care what he likes anymore, but perhaps he’s not the only one who prefers me that way. Von and Isa always seemed happier and more full of laughter when I was drinking, too.
Sullen is the only one who has ever tried to stop me from it, but perhaps that was simply a manner of control. Maybe he getsoff on telling me what to do, since he’s been obeying twisted, sadistic commands his entire life. He needs someone to bully.
He’s found me.
Maybe they both have.
Perhaps that is the thing I am good for. Being used.
“No,” Cosmo answers my question quietly, a shadow crossing his face.
“You humiliated him,” I whisper, staring at the wine in his hand. “Then you usedmeas bait. How do I know you haven’t put arsenic in that glass?”
“I drank from the same bottle. I found it in the kitchen, although I’m sure there’s a wine bar I simply haven’t discovered yet because I didn’t want to leave you alone too long with?—”
“You left me just fine to dothis,”I lift the sponge as I sit back on my calves, the wood hard beneath my shins as I turn to face him. “You left me alone, knowing he was close by, right after his…breakdown.”I lower my voice and glance toward the off-white door to the bathroom, closed now. “I don’t think you have my best interests in mind at all. And what of Sanford? Where is he? You never told me anything you said you?—”
“Becauseyoushut me up, didn’t you?” he snarls, stepping forward, the floorboard creaking under his weight as I gaze up at him, practically on my knees before him.“Youwouldn’t hear a fucking word until I showed youhisstupid fucking face.” Another step closer and I have to lift my chin to look up at him.
He smiles, as if just noticing our positions.
It is fascinating, the way he changes expressions so quickly, as if they are only masks to don, to switch up as he chooses.
“I like this,” he whispers quietly, staring down at me. His cheekbones are sharper from this angle, although I suppose they are always that. “Do you remember it? How it feels, to love me?”
I reach up then, wanting to snatch the glass from his hand. Before I can, when my arm is in midair, there is the sound of aknob twisting. When I turn my head, I see Sullen in the doorway of the bathroom, steam wafting out behind him as if he is a fallen angel ascending from hell.
His eyes find mine immediately.
I grip the sponge tighter in my hand, but my other trembles, half-reaching for Cosmo.
Sullen’s dark eyes roam over me, on my knees before my friend, then the wine glass he’s offering. Dressed in a deep red hoodie, a black bandana now around his throat, his thick hair wet, strands sticking to his forehead in a delicious sort of way, black pants tucked into sand-colored military boots I didn’t realize could be sohot, I suddenly want to crawl to him.
Instead, I take the wine without breaking eye contact.
Then I down the entire glass as he watches.
He slowly drags his gaze to the sponge in my hand. I watch his full lips press tightly together before he focuses on Cosmo.
“What are you doing?” he asks him quietly, nothing of the raw desperation and humiliation in his tone from before. He has masks too, it seems.
Cosmo snorts as my teeth clink against the glass and I don’t want to move it away from my face because it feels like something to hide behind. To shy away from the fact that yes, I willingly scrubbed Sullen’s piss from the floor and now I am on my knees in front of Cosmo.
“What does it look like?” Cosmo taunts. I feel his gaze come to the side of my face as I watch Sullen. “She’s good with that mouth. You find out yet?”
Sullen doesn’t move from his position at the bathroom, the light off behind him, but he gives Cosmo a wicked smile. “Not yet,” he says softly. “But I suppose since you’re getting her drunk for me, I’m about to find out?” He phrases it as a question as my pulse thumps hard inside my chest.
Indignation rises there, too, over the fact they’re both speaking about me like I’m not here, but there’s something in the way Sullen doesn’t rise to Cosmo’s bait that makes me want him more. He is not cowering after what Cosmo did to him. He is facing him fully, deflecting each blow with ease.
Cosmo takes a step toward me, and Sullen doesn’t stop smiling. “Why don’t you watch first? I’ll give you a demonstration since you don’t know how to handle someone likeher.”Then he reaches for me, his fingers knotting in my hair and jerkinghard.
I get to my feet without thinking, so fast, I’m momentarily dizzy as I duck my head away at the same time.
