I think of my father holding me, preventing me from getting to him as the guards took him away, severing our bond.
Fear. That’s what I felt then. Fear and anger. It was only two days ago, and yet it seems so much further away, despite the fact I can feel the freshness of emotions as if it happened a minute prior to this one.
I was terrified to lose you. I was out of my mind, thinking of you hurt worse. Then you were. Sanford was right. I didn’t stop anything. Not then, not now.
“Sullen!”I snap his name and his shoulders tense, his shadow splayed along the wall.
Slowly, he turns toward me without pivoting his entire body. His dark gaze meets mine and I see the cut on his cheek from Stein as I wonder if it’ll leave a scar.
He says nothing, and I notice his complexion is still so pale. Lighter even than his usual pallor.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” It comes out like I’m begging and I loathe that, but for him… I know I will do it again.
His lips part, plush and full, then his gaze drops and I look down too, wondering what he sees.
My nipples are tight points beneath my shirt, the hotel room frigid, but my knees are pulled to my chest and I know he can’t seethat.The sleeves are halfway down my arms, too, hiding the bruises from when I tried to get to him. My sleep shorts sit high on my thighs though, and I’m not wearing underwear beneath. I changed before he even came into the room, maybe ten minutes ago.
I don’t think he can truly see anything with my knees together the way they are, but I feel heat along my chest all the same as his eyes slowly lift to mine.
“I imagine you don’t really want to know,” he says softly, staring right at me.
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have asked.”
“Oh, but you would. You can’t stand the silence. Just like you could never be alone, when we were younger.”
I lift my brows, indignation filling my bones. “Excuse me?”
A cold smile pulls on the corner of his pretty mouth. “I don’t think you need me to repeat it.”
“Just becauseyouspent your entire life trapped inside your room doesn’t mean we all had to do the same, Sullen.” I narrow my gaze,wantingto fight. I know what I said wasn’t fair, but if it’s the only way he’ll engage, then fine. I can be the world’s biggest brat if he’d like.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment. His expression doesn’t change. He is calm and steady and silent and I wonder if I’ve pushed him away instead of dragging him into an argument I’m dying to have. After all we’ve been through, the fact he won’t open up to mehurts.
But then he turns fully and I notice the flash of silver around his neck. Think of him cutting Cosmo with the same weapon his father used to cut him. We’ve come so far from that very first night, even though it’s only been days. Yet he still can’t let down a single wall for me.
“Of course not,” he says softly, watching me like I’m prey and he can’t wait to lunge.
I want you to. Attack me, Sullen. I’m waiting for it. I won’t even fight back unless you demand it.
“You couldn’t stay in your little castle if it meant not being railed by your friends, could you?” There is no menace in his words, and it makes them worse. “You couldn’t stand not being the center of attention everywhere you went. We’re both only children, no siblings to speak of, butyouembody all the stereotypes. Yet your parents didn’t coddle you enough, did they? All the money didn’t buy what you most wanted. The dirty little princess, so verydesperatefor love, she’d go anywhere, do anything, play second to Von’s true attentions, if only she could feelsomething,usually some undeserving boy’s cock inside of her?—”
“What happened today?” I snarl, my face hot. “With yourgrandpa?What happened, Sullen? Because yesterday I risked my life for you, I almost gothitbyyourfatherfor you,”here, his eyes narrow, dark brown arrows of rage, “and tonight you want to slut shame? Throw the past in my face? When will I have proven myself worthy of you? When is it enough? Did youwantStein to hurt me? Did youwantme to die for you? Only then you’d remember me with some fondness, when I was a martyr for you, like your mother? Is that it? Mommy issues? I can be your mommy if you want, Sullen, I just thoughtyouliked to be in control. You know, strapping me down to a dental chair kind of gave me that impression but maybe I was wrong so clear it up for me.”
He says nothing as my chest heaves, more words winding up on the tip of my tongue. But I wanthimto say something. Fight back. Be nasty and mean if that’s what he needs. God knows it feels likeIneed it.
His nostrils flare as he stares at me, but still, he doesn’t open his mouth to speak. Silence stretches between us, the moonlight gilded over one half of his face, illuminating the sharp point of his cheekbone.
Beautiful and haunted and tormenting.
Does he know it’s torture not to hear his voice?
“You throw it back in my face like it’s a joke,” he finally says, eerily soft, “what I did to you beneath the hotel. But it was nothing compared to what I had planned.”
A deliciousachewells up in my low belly and I bite down on my bottom lip. His eyes flash, noticing, but I need him to really fuckingget it.“Then show me. All the horrible things you wanted to do to me.Do them now.”I know they’re not as bad as he thinks they are. He put his own body between me and his father, me and three armed men. He straightened my clothes and covered me up, not wanting me to be exposed to them. He’s stopped me from getting hurt over and over again.
He cares for me in some way only he can, twisted and tormented inside his messy, beautiful head.
“And if you think I wished you hurt by anyone but me,” he keeps going, as if I didn’t speak at all, “you are entirely brainless, Little Sun.”
