The confusion around the two of them makes something swell up inside my chest that I’ve never felt over a woman before. It feels an awful lot like jealousy, and I don’t like it.
And what the fuck is it I’m feeling forhim?
I’m not touching that question.
I swallow it all down, reminding myself my focus should be on hockey, what’s next for my future, what I could risk involving myself in this at all. Mom is set with Dad’s money, for now, but there’s no doubt in my mind he’ll try to stop financially helping her after I go pro. And I don’t want her to have to rely on him anymore when that happens.
This is all for her.
The only reason I haven’t signed the contract yet is the fact it’ll take me away from her, and her and Rachel are my family. The only two people I genuinely care about.
I need to stay out of Sylvan and Neve’s web.
But her in my passenger seat, so fierce, and at turns, attentive, listening, and definitely, undoubtedly, fuckinghot,it makes my future blurry. My focus waver.
I have Sylvan’s number, despite our lack of conversation, and I wanted to text him while I was waiting outside her apartmentand that fucking bookstore for her roommate, Cynthia, to show up. But I resisted, if only because I want to see him when he answers my questions about fucking around with Neve.
And if he doesn’t satisfy me… Well, he heard whatIaskedhim.Do you like being able to skate?
SEVENTEEN
NEVE
“I’m serious, Neve. If you don’t keep me updated every step of the fucking way, I’m cutting you off.”
I smirk as I dip my head and drink from my silver cup at the table on the second floor of Sky Arena, right beside the bar. The rum and Diet Coke are warm on my tongue, cooled only by the ice, and I lift my eyes to meet Cynthia’s.
She flashes her teeth, her cheeks turning pink as she glances at my phone.
“Hi, Nolan!” Her voice is high-pitched and decidedly un-Cynthia Espinosa-like. It sounds friendly, but she is not Nolan’s biggest fan. They’ve met a handful of times, mostly he’s come over to furnish something in our apartment or give me money, which I don’t complain about. Secretly, he’s coming to check up on me, and that’s what bothers Cyn. She says he’s too controlling. But Cyn has both parents. She doesn’t know how siblings can come together when Mommy and Daddy abandon you.
And despite my cavalier attitude, I do take Nolan seriously. Mom and Marty absolutely do not contribute to my living expenses and while I had a part-time job all three years priorto this one, and made decent money coaching over the summer, I quit at the clothing store on campus when Nolan offered to put money in my account every two weeks and it was decidedly much more than I was making selling overpriced faux cashmere. He said my last year was important and in the spring semester, I should get an internship. Told me to let coaching go just for now. I’m planning to do just that, with the internship. If I get myself together enough to apply for one.
If Nolan could see what I just spent his allowance on—drinks for me, Cyn, Tas, and her friend, Karter—he might order me back to work.
“Hi Cynthia,” Nolan says quietly, and I nod to Cynthia to let her know he responded to her. Too many bodies are pressed into this place and too many voices raised before the game against the Queen’s Bees (seriously) to put him on speaker. Usually he FaceTimes me, so I’m glad tonight was just a call.
Besides, Cyn doesn’t want to talk to him that badly. I don’t know if Nolan has ever been in a serious relationship; I think his job keeps him from anything like that. If other girls react like Cyn does to him, though, I almost feel sorry for him.
Almost.
“I promise I’ll keep you updated, but honestly, I don’t think we need to worry anymore.”
“He hasn’t had a funeral yet. That means they’re still looking at the body.Thatmeans we need to worry.”
I didn’t even know that, about the funeral. It’s good Nolan is keeping up to date on everything. I’m trying to drown it out.
“Shots, shots, shots!” Tas starts yipping out, and I watch her as she sways over to the bar, cutting in front of a Bees’ fan who can’t take his gaze from her mini skirt, tights, and the Dragon’s letterman jacket that cinches at the waist. She tosses her long, black hair over her shoulder and turns to wink at him.
I laugh out loud as I shake my head, Cynthia squealing with laughter too, and Karter rolls her eyes. Karter has long, seafoam green hair, big green eyes, and curves that make me jealous. She’s quiet, but I like her vibe, and the way she sips her drink slowly. Kind of surprised she’s friends with someone like Tasia, who seems to be her polar opposite.
“You don’t need a shot,” Nolan says, sighing into the phone. “You need an early bedtime. Less calories, more water.”
“Love you,” I say around a smile, ignoring him even as my stomach growls. He doesn’t know I haven’t eaten all day, despite my heavy lifting session this morning.
But if he did know, I feel a sick twist in my gut that he’d probably be proud.
“Goooodbyyyyyye,” Cynthia sing-songs.
