‘I can’t believe it’s less than a month till you get married and your hen do’s this weekend. Busy lady.’
She gave me a playful nudge. ‘Says the busiest woman I’ve ever known.’
Yes, I was, but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and if Nia and Clare could take the pressure off me by organising something special for The Chocolate Pot’s fifteenth birthday, that would help immensely.
46
JED
Ingrid’s recovery was much slower than we’d all hoped but I was invited to her parents’ house after work on Thursday evening. Aaron was away overnight on a school trip and my parents had taken Piper and Savannah for a sleepover at theirs so that Ingrid, Pam, Billy and I could have an uninterrupted conversation.
It had been incredibly frustrating waiting for so long and it wasn’t fair on Aaron. When he’d left on his trip, he’d been worried about coming back to find his bags packed and Ingrid demanding he move back in with her. I’d assured him it wouldn’t happen that quickly but I couldn’t give him the assurance he really wanted – that it wouldn’t happen at all. As I drove across town and out towards Cranton, anger burned inside me. Ingrid had arrived home on Friday. A few days to recover from jetlag was fair enough but how dare she make Aaron and me wait almost a week? Did she even have the slightest inkling how difficult this was for us both?
Pam greeted me at the door and took me into the dining room where four places had been set out with a cup and saucer, glass, notepad and pen, which all seemed very official.A pot of tea and a jug of water were on a placemat in the middle of the table. I’d just sat down when Billy and Ingrid joined us.
I’d expected to see Ingrid back to her usual form of immaculate make-up and perfectly styled hair so it was a shock to see her bare-faced with messy hair, wearing jogging pants and a stained T-shirt. I glanced at Pam and she gave me an almost imperceptible shake of the head and a widening of the eyes. I got the message clearly –don’t say a word!
‘Thanks for coming tonight, Jed,’ Pam said as she poured the tea. ‘We appreciate your patience.’
I shouldn’t have had to be this patient but I knew it wasn’t Pam’s fault so I nodded, filled my glass with water, then focused my gaze on Ingrid who was sitting opposite me.
‘I guess I should start,’ she said, her voice weary. ‘I believe Mum and Dad have already told you what happened with Declan so I’d rather not repeat that humiliating experience. Bet you think it’s karma.’
‘Ingrid!’ Pam hissed. ‘You know Jed’s not like that.’
While I was grateful to Pam for jumping to my defence, guilt nudged at me. Karma had crossed my mind when I heard what had happened. How could it not?
‘I’m sorry you’ve been hurt,’ I said, keeping my eyes fixed on Ingrid, ‘but what the hell were you thinking?’
She stared at me defiantly and I steeled myself for a mouthful of abuse, but then her shoulders drooped and she shook her head. ‘I think the point is I wasn’t thinking – not properly anyway.’
Her voice lacked the usual strength and I was sure I detected a wobble in it.
‘I owe you so many apologies. You said no to looking after the kids but I dropped that responsibilityon you anyway.’
That wasn’t an apology. That was twisting what had happened and I wasn’t going to stand for it.
‘You didn’t just ask me to look after the kids as in a spot of babysitting. You asked me toraisethem. Completely different! And, more specifically, you asked me to raise them with you.’ I was aware of my voice getting louder so I lowered it to continue. ‘My no was to getting back together with you, Ingrid – not to being part of their lives.’
She looked down into her cup and nodded slowly. ‘You’re right, and I’m sorry. I should never have suggested that. It’s just that…’ She sighed heavily and looked up. ‘I didn’t know what to do. I was scared of losing Declan, of turning forty and being on my own for the first time in over twenty years, of the mess my life had become.’
‘You could have just been honest with everyone and saidI’m struggling and I need your help.’
‘Like it’s easy to admit that.’
‘I never said it was easy. Have you any idea how lucky you are to be surrounded by people who care about you and the children? We could all have helped you if you’d let us in. We’d even have supported you going back to Aus without the kids and made arrangements for that to work. What you did instead was the most selfish, inconsiderate, hurtful thing possible, dropping everyone in it and causing no end of stress and worry.’
‘Jed,’ Pam said, gently. ‘She knows she messed up. You don’t need to labour the point.’
‘It’s okay, Mum,’ Ingrid said. ‘He deserves the chance to get it off his chest. Continue.’
I wasn’t used to Ingrid being so understanding and compliant and it threw me. I nearly didn’t respond but I wanted us all to be able to put this sorry episode behind us and the only way I’d beable to do that was if I said what I was thinking rather than let it fester.
‘You have an incredible family – wonderfully supportive parents and five amazing kids – and I just cannot get my head around why you’d hurt them all like that, especially when your dad’s ill. You deceived everyone and for what? To chase after someone who couldn’t care less about his kids or about you.’
‘Jed!’ Billy cried. ‘That’s enough!’
‘No, he’s right,’ Ingrid said. ‘That’s exactly what happened and there’s no need for anyone to sugar coat it. I’ve already said sorry to Mum and Dad and I’ll be speaking to your parents and all the kids too. What I did was appalling and I know it’ll have lasting repercussions. I’ve got a lot of making up to do with Erin and Lucy but I know the person I’ve hurt the most is Aaron and I don’t know if that damage can ever be repaired. Did he tell you he rang me?’
