‘It’s not as bad as it looks but we’ll start with the easier stuff and build up to that.’
‘What are you watching?’ she asked.
‘Not sure. Some crime series but I’m not really following it.’
‘Can we watchFriends?’
I smiled at her as I started the DVD.
Two episodes later, I was ready for my bed but told Zoe she was welcome to watch some more if she kept the volume low.
‘I’ll read instead. I like watchingFriendswith you.’
I stood up and stretched. ‘I’m glad you’ve decided to take the job. We can work out some hours for you here but Jed’s also looking for someone to work in the gallery so we can talk about that too. Not a bookshop but?—’
‘It’s a step in the right direction,’ Zoe said, smiling at me. ‘I feel like I’m taking quite a few of those this week. Will it matter that I haven’t got any qualifications? I haven’t got my GCSEs cos I dropped out of school. It’s one of the reasons I said no to your offer before. I’m a bit embarrassed about it.’
Considering the age she’d left home, I should have realised. I gave her a reassuring smile. ‘It’s not your fault you didn’t get the chance to do your exams and it’s not a problem. You’ll learn on the job and experience counts for so much. Please promise me that you won’t let yourself be defined by a tough start in life through no fault of your own and you won’t let yourself be derailed by anything that’s happened in the past. You’re safe now, you’ve got a roof over your head, you’ll be earning a wage soon and getting some great transferrable skills.’
‘I’ll try but it’s a lot,’ she said, looking worried.
‘It is but you’re not doing any of it alone. You’re right where you need to be to get your life on track and heading for where you want it to go. For you, life begins at eighteen. For me, it was twenty-two and I’m proof that bad things happen to good people but they don’t have to control the rest of your life.’
‘Whatdidhappen to you?’ Zoe asked. ‘I mean, I know your parents died and you werein foster care but…’
‘Long story and not a pretty one for bedtime. I will tell you at some point but, for now, let’s focus on you. Goodnight, Zoe.’
‘Night, Tara.’
Lying in bed a little later, I replayed in my head what I’d said to Zoe and I had an epiphany. I’d just allowed Leanne’s pregnancy and return to our parents’ lives to derail me. I’d allowed it to upset me and potentially cause a rift with my parents and I knew why. We’d talked about it not being a choice between having Leanne or me in their lives but, deep down, I hadn’t believed that. I’d allowed my greatest fear to be an issue – that I was second best because I wasn’t their biological daughter – and I was furious with myself for that. Mum and Dad hadnevertreated me as though I wasn’t their own so I knew the fear was irrational but I’d removed myself from the equation as a protective mechanism. For the sake of my mental health, I did need that physical space for now but I was going to make sure we stayed in regular contact and I was going to start composing that email the next free moment I had. I’d questioned Zoe as to why her mother and boyfriend should get away with what they’d done and I needed to ask myself the same question. Why should Leanne and Garth get away with what they’d done? Going to the police was a major decision and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that – for the toll it would take on my parents perhaps more than for what it might do to me – but Mum and Dad had a right to know who their daughter really was. I’d email them the whole truth and take it from there.
40
JED
Pam rang on Wednesday morning following a telephone conversation with Ingrid.
‘She was surprisingly honest – admitted that things weren’t going as well as she’d hoped with Declan and she’s scared she stayed here too long and lost him. She doesn’t know what to do for the best. I told her to come home, of course, but she said she couldn’t – not yet anyway. She loves him and has to fight for him.’
‘It sounds like that’s a battle already lost,’ I said.
‘I challenged her as to whether he loved her and wanted her to fight for him and she admitted she wasn’t sure. She’s usually so strong, decisive and opinionated but she sounded lost, Jed. The upshot is that she wants more time – didn’t say how much – but I think she’ll be home soon, nursing a broken heart.’
‘Did she ask after the kids?’
‘Yes. She said she was missing the twins.’
‘But not Aaron?’
‘Ingrid and Aaron haven’t seen eye to eye for a long time. I’m not saying it’s right that she mentioned missing the twins and not him but I’m not going to lie and make out sheis when she isn’t.’
It should have been shocking to hear but Aaron had said as much to me already. Their relationship had broken down a long time ago and her confession and flit had been the final nail in the coffin.
‘Did she acknowledge the mess she left behind?’
‘Actually, yes. She said she regrets her rash exit but she panicked about turning forty and losing control of her life. This was what she felt she had to do to get control back and it looks like it hasn’t worked. She knows she’s caused no end of stress and worry for us all and that she’s got a huge job ahead of her trying to repair the damage.’
After the call ended, I wasn’t sure how I felt. Was there a little part of me hoping Ingrid would work it out with Declan and stay in Aus without the kids? I could hardly be blamed if there was because that meant I could continue being a dad to Aaron and even consider doing what Ingrid had asked me and raising the twins. If we had to say goodbye to Aaron and those little girls, there’d be a lot of broken hearts in Whitsborough Bay.
