Zoe asked if she could have a go at needle felting so, after she’d showered and dressed and we’d had some lunch, we spent the afternoon crafting together. She managed to stab her finger instead of the wool a couple of times but otherwise picked up the technique quickly. As we worked, she talked about her granny who always had a cross stitch or tapestry kit on the go and had tried to get Zoe and her sister, Jacey, to take it up.
‘Jacey was more interested in being outside climbing trees,’ she said, ‘and I just wanted to read. But if my granny was still here today, I’d do some cross stitching with her. It’d make her happy.’
‘I’ve got some kits and plenty of aida and embroidery threads so just shout if you ever want to give it a try.’
Jed called round that evening with Doris who made us laugh,clearly torn between whether she wanted to spend time getting the attention of somebody new or snuggling up to her furry friend before flopping on the floor somewhere between the two of them. We invited Zoe to take her for a walk with us but she looked out the window at the weather – blustery with light rain – and decided to stay inside where it was warm and dry.
As Jed and I walked round the town with Doris, we talked about our days and I was pleased to hear that Aaron’s visit to Erin had gone well. Our conversation moved on to Zoe and we agreed it was best not to mention the flat to her just yet. Firstly, we wanted to make sure that Griff was out of the picture before suggesting that Zoe be anywhere on her own overnight and, secondly, we didn’t want her to think I wanted her to leave. I needed time to show Zoe that she could trust me and, if I raised the issue of her leaving too soon, the progress we’d made already might unravel. Timing was critical here.
Zoe spent the next couple of days in the flat reading. There’d been no news from the police about an arrest and she admitted that she was scared to go out in case she bumped into Griff. I hated that she felt trapped like that but, equally, believed that the quiet time was needed for her to heal. I returned her library books for her and Esther exchanged them for others which she knew Zoe had had her eye on, asking me to pass on her best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Zoe had offered to help in the café, saying it was the least she could do to thank me for putting her up, but I told her I’d rather she took a few days to rest and fully recover from her injuries. Although that was the truth, what I didn’t share was that Griff had left her face in such a mess that there wasno way customers wouldn’t notice and speculate as to what had happened. I didn’t want Zoe to feel as though everyone was staring and talking about her in case it unnerved her, put her off working here and therefore derailed her from her dream. The most important thing right now was for her to feel safe.
I went to Pilates on Tuesday evening as usual and invited Zoe to join me but, as expected, she declined. It struck me that, while staying inside and healing was a good thing and not wandering around on her own while Griff remained at large was sensible, I didn’t want to risk a scenario where, in Zoe’s mind, inside became safe and outside unsafe. As she’d said no to Pilates, I suggested a walk around the block for some fresh air beforehand. She looked nervous at first but when I reiterated the walk would be with me, she visibly relaxed and agreed that some fresh air would be welcome.
She seemed quieter than she’d been over the previous couple of days and I asked if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
‘Nothing in particular,’ she said. ‘Just been thinking over lots of things. I’m not used to having so much quiet. It’s nice.’
‘You know I’m here for you if you want to talk about anything, no matter how trivial or challenging.’
‘I do.’
When we returned to the flat, I asked her how she was going to spend the evening and she rolled her eyes at me, smiling. Zoe had looked through my bookshelves and it seemed she’d read all but a couple of my books, which was impressive considering I thought I had a fairly large collection. I put my laptop on the dining table and brought up the website for Bay Books.
‘How about you have a look on here and choose some books that you’d like to read? Pop them in the basket and I’ll order them when I get back.’
‘I can’t ask you to buy me books.’
‘Call it a birthday gift.’
She looked uncertain and I could sense the battle between not wanting me to spend money on her but equally wanting some new books.
‘Maybe a couple,’ she finally said.
‘I was thinking eighteen. One to celebrate each year.’
Her mouth dropped open. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘I am.’
She shook her head at me. ‘Not eighteen. Maybe three.’
I grinned back at her. ‘Eighteen. Enjoy your evening and I’ll be back within a couple of hours. Happy book shopping!’
Jed would normally have come back to the flat after Pilates but, following my walk with Zoe, I couldn’t help thinking she might be building up to telling me something so we agreed I’d go home alone. In a short space of time, I felt like I’d made great progress in securing Zoe’s trust. I’d casually shared a few more snippets about my time in foster care in the hope that she’d see me as someone who understood what it was like to live outside a conventional family set-up.
Zoe was hunched over my laptop when I got back, so engrossed in what she was looking at on the screen that she evidently hadn’t heard me entering the flat.
‘I hope there are eighteen books in your basket,’ I said as I approached her.
She jumped, pressed a key and closed the lid, guilt clearly written across her face. Not wanting to let on that I’d noticed, Irolled my shoulders.
‘I love a Pilates session. You’ll have to come with me next time. It’s great for so many things. I think you’d like it.’
I was dying to know what Zoe had been looking at. I trusted her and my gut told me she wasn’t up to anything dodgy, but it was clearly something she didn’t want me to see or she wouldn’t have looked so guilty. Perhaps it was something I could help with. If I asked her outright what she’d been looking at, the trust we’d been building might be broken, but if I didn’t look, it would niggle away at me. I needed to get her away from the laptop.
‘Damn! I usually grab an icy cold water out the fridge downstairs and I’ve forgotten. You couldn’t be an angel and grab me one?’
