‘Tara?’ I called. ‘It’s only me.’
The flat was quiet and there was no sign of Tara or Hercules but, as I headed further inside, I spotted them on the bed. Tara appeared to be asleep, her arms around Hercules. Closer still, I could see she was wearing earbuds. I stood over her for a moment, hoping she’d become aware of my presence and, when she didn’t, I gave her shoulder a gentle shake. It probably wasn’t the right thing to do as she screamed and Hercules shot off the bed.
‘Sorry!’ I called, holding my hands up in a surrender position. ‘I couldn’t get hold of you. I was worried. How did it go?’
It felt like a superfluous question given her red eyes and the tissues strewn across the bed.
‘She’s pregnant,’ she said, her voice flat. ‘They believed her without getting proof so I told them…’ Her face crumpled and tears trickled down her cheeks, ‘…I told them I can’t see them…’
I gathered her in my arms and held her as her tears soaked into my T-shirt and her body heaved with sobs.
‘Are you going to tell your parents the full story?’ I asked a little later after Tara had given me the full details of her difficult afternoon.
‘How can I? I had my opportunity three months ago but I didn’t take it. If I tell them now, it’ll look like I’m being vindictive and trying to mess everything up forthem and Leanne.’
‘They know you don’t have a vindictive bone in your body so I genuinely don’t think they’d see it that way.’
She twiddled with a loose thread on her cardigan. ‘Maybe not.’
‘Remember what we talked about on New Year’s Eve. None of this is your fault. Leanne’s the one who messed everything up and, if they’re going to let her wheedle her way back into their affections, don’t you owe it to them to give them the whole truth first? I think they’d want to know.’
‘I’m not sure. It’s difficult to talk about.’
‘I know it is, buta few minutes of courage might change your life. You’d be letting them see what Leanne’s truly capable of, why you quite rightly want nothing to do with her and why you don’t trust her no matter what Krystal says about her being a changed woman. And if it’s too hard to say the words face to face, what about sending an email? It’ll take longer thana few minutesbut you could carefully construct exactly what you want to say without fear of emotion or embarrassment derailing you.’
Tara steepled her hands against her mouth and nodded ever so slightly. ‘Email’s a good suggestion. I promise I’ll think about it.’
The words lacked conviction and it was heartbreaking to see her this way. She was usually so strong and decisive. Even when she’d been feeling melancholy on New Year’s Eve, it had been nothing like this. I was convinced she should tell Kirsten and Tim the truth for her own sake as well as theirs but it was Tara’s decision to make and if she didn’t want to tell them, I’d support her with that and with the changing family dynamics as a result of Leanne’s return to the fold.
38
TARA
‘Did you sleep okay?’ Jed murmured, snuggling closer to me as Hercules rattled his crate early the following morning.
‘Took me a while to drop off but, when my mind finally settled, I slept surprisingly well. Thanks for being so supportive last night.’
‘I was worried about you.’
‘I was worried about me too, but I feel a lot more positive this morning and I’ve made a decision. You’re right about telling Mum and Dad the truth. I’m going to send them that email.’
‘I think that’s a great decision.’ He squeezed me a little tighter and kissed my shoulder.
Hercules rattled his crate again so I slipped out of bed to release him before darting back under the duvet. Jed had propped himself up on his arm.
‘What made you change your mind?’
‘You being Pollyanna and seeing their reactions differently. I’d got myself so worked up yesterday that I was blinded by everything that could go wrong. I hated feeling that way. I can’t expect Mum and Dad to fully understand my feelings about Leannewhen they don’t know the full story so it’s only fair I do share that with them. I think I need a few days to take the raw emotion out of it before I write it.’
‘If you want to brainstorm it or want some feedback on it, I’m here for you.’
‘I know you are and it’s reciprocal.’
Time together alone was rare and precious at the moment but I’d never once felt like Jed wasn’t there for me. Even if he wasn’t physically with me, he was at the end of the phone. I was annoyed with myself for not calling him after I’d seen my parents yesterday. He shouldn’t have had to seek me out. It wasn’t that I’d wanted to push him out – just that so many years of having to deal with everything on my own had sent me spiralling back into my default mode of lone wolf. But I wasn’t a lone wolf anymore. I was part of a pack and I couldn’t be more grateful to everyone in it. That included my parents. I had no intention of pushing them away and I truly hoped I’d said the right words yesterday to explain why I needed space. If I hadn’t, the email would make it clear.
‘Let’s talk about something nicer. I didn’t ask about Aaron’s art lesson on Thursday. How was it?’
‘He called me Dad.’
