‘I don’t know if she’s abandoned you.’
‘What do you call it then? Even if she comes back, she’s still left us for now. Is it me? Is there something wrong with me that makes people want to leave?’
‘It’s not you, Aaron, and remember that I never left you so this isn’t a pattern. This is a one-off and I think it’s out of desperation. Look, you’ve been honest with me and I know that took courage so I need to be honest with you too. Your mum turned up at closing time on Friday night and demanded I meet her in the pub. She told me Declan had asked for a divorce. Were you aware of that?’
‘No.’
‘She was really upset. I’ve never seen her like that. But then she asked if we could get back together and I raise you and the twins. I told her no and it’s not because I don’t want to raise you because it’s what I’ve dreamed of every day since I lost you but?—’
‘You’d kill each other,’ he said.
‘Not quite that extreme but I know what you mean. We don’t get on so it wouldn’t work. And, much as I don’t like the guy, Declan does have a right to decide who raises his own children and he’d already made it clear that it wasn’t going to be me.’
‘Did you used to like each other? You and Mum, I mean, not you and Declan.’
‘Of course. I loved her. I wouldn’t have marriedher if I hadn’t. I know now that she loved Declan but she did care for me. We had some good times together.’
We’d reached my parents’ street and Aaron stopped. ‘I’m sorry again about your dad’s birthday meal.’
‘Hey, consider it forgotten. If I’d done what your mother had told you I’d done, I’d have deserved it.’
‘I wasn’t nice to Erin and Lucy either.’
‘They understand too. I hear you’re getting on well now.’
He nodded. ‘I like them. They’re cool.’
‘They like you too and the only reason you grew apart from each other was because of the stuff none of you could control. It was really upsetting for all of us. We’ve got some tough times ahead of us now but it doesn’t make sense to speculate on what happens next. After your mother gets to Sydney, your grandma’ll speak to her and we’ll find out what’s what. In the meantime, I’m here for you – we all are – and the twins too, of course.’
‘The twins are pretty cool too,’ Aaron said as we set off once more, ‘once you can tell them apart.’
‘You’re going to have to teach me.’
‘Piper’s Tinkerbell and Savannah’s Rosetta.’
‘Of course! I couldn’t remember the name of the red one.’
‘Tell you who isn’t cool,’ Aaron added. ‘Declan. I can’t stand him. I never felt like he was my dad. I want you to be my dad again.’
I fought to hold back the tears, needing to be strong for my son. ‘There’s nothing I want more, kiddo, but it’s not my choice to make.’
He sighed. ‘I know.’
‘I’m sorry. I wish it was. But I will be your substitute dad while your mother’s away, and your art teacher and whatever else you need from me to make the best of a tricky situation.’
I’d never imagined I’d get a chance to step up as Aaron’s dadagain and, while there was a part of me that couldn’t help feeling elated that it was what he wanted and that he’d let me hug him this evening, the way it had happened was heartbreaking. Even if Ingrid had come to her senses the moment her plane took off and she caught the next flight home, she’d never be able to undo the damage she’d done by her selfish actions today. At only three years old Piper and Savannah might get through it unscathed, although the next few days would be fraught as they questioned where their mother was, but would Aaron be able to recover from what he saw as yet another rejection? And would Ingrid’s parents get over this? They were good people and I knew they’d be blaming themselves for Ingrid’s actions.
For my part, I couldn’t get my head around any of it. Had Ingrid been planning this for ages? Had that strange conversation in the pub been part of it? She must have known I’d refuse to get back together with her but what if that part of her proposal had been a red herring? What if she’d really been sounding me out about my willingness to raise Aaron and the twins because she already knew she was leaving and that her parents couldn’t do this on their own?
The big question was whether she’d left for good. The note was so vague on that front. I thought about what she’d said on Friday night about how much Declan had struggled with the twins’ arrival and fatherhood in general. If Declan did take her back – and it was a big if – my gut told me that it would be Ingrid only and not the kids. She’d already boarded a plane without saying goodbye to them – something I could never imagine even thinking of doing myself – so it wasn’t an impossible stretch to consider that she might not return. She knew they’d be looked after and loved here. But they were her children. Surely that had to mean something to her.
As I’d said to Aaron, it was pointlessspeculating. When Ingrid landed, we’d find out more and hopefully it wouldn’t be the worst-case scenario. I’d support Billy and Pam however they needed and do whatever it took to make sure Aaron, Piper and Savannah got through this difficult time. My parents would help and I knew Tara would too. It was a lot to land on her but there was no doubt in my mind about how supportive she’d be. She knew personally how it felt to lose your parents and feel all alone and she’d never want the kids to feel anything but loved.
28
TARA
I looked round the kitchen at the pale faces and strained expressions of Jed’s and Ingrid’s parents. I wanted to gather them all in a group hug and reassure them that everything would be all right, but I wasn’t sure it would be. So I did the one thing all Brits did in a crisis – I popped the kettle on and made everyone a fresh mug of tea.
