Aaron was sitting on the floor in the lounge, hunched up over his sketchpad with a pair of headphones on. They must have been noise-cancelling ones as he didn’t respond when I called his name – either that or he was ignoring me. I moved closer and winced at his drawing – a fractured skull with a snake emerging from the mouth. It was brilliantly drawn but so very dark.
I crouched down and waved my hand in front of his face. He looked up and slipped the headphones off his head so they were draped round his neck. His eyes were red, his cheeks grubby and I was fairly sure that was charcoal, smeared as he’d wiped his tears.
‘The snake’s eyes are amazing,’ I said.
Aaron nodded.
‘I’ve just heard what happened. I’m so sorry. How are you feeling?’
There was a pause before he shrugged.
I sat down on the floor facing him.
‘Probably a lot of emotions swirling round inside you and it’s a struggle to work out which is the strongest.’
He nodded.
‘Why don’t we get out of here – take a walk round the village? We can talk about it or we can be silent if you prefer. It’s hard to think with the noise from upstairs.’ I could hear the thumping of music accompanied by the thud of bouncing so either they were dancing or they were jumping on Lucy’s bed. ‘What do you say?’
‘A walk,’ he said, the words barely above a whisper.
I hadn’t had a chance to remove my coat or shoes so I toldhim to get into his and I’d meet him in the hall in a couple of minutes. I dipped into the kitchen to let everyone know we were going out and to apologise to Tara for abandoning her but she assured me she was fine and Aaron needed to be my priority right now.
Darkness had fallen and the temperature had dropped so I shoved my hands in my pockets for warmth as we set off down the street. We’d walked for about five minutes in silence and I was toying with whether to prompt him that I was listening or give it a bit longer when Aaron spoke.
‘It’s my fault she left.’
‘Of course it’s not! Why would you think that?’
‘Because I had a go at her on Friday night. Grandma took me to swimming club and we picked Mum up from town on the way back. All the way home, she slagged you off. Grandma kept telling her to shush but she’d been drinking and she wouldn’t. She told Grandma you’d been trying to get me to pack in swimming so I could spend more time in the gallery with you which was a big, fat lie. When we got home, Grandma and Grandad went to their friends’ house for a bit so I asked her why she kept telling lies. She wanted to know what lies I thought she’d told so I said the ones in the car but there were others so she asked what else I thought she was lying about and I told her that I didn’t think you’d abandoned me at all, that you’d wanted to be my dad still and that Declan wouldn’t let you.’
It was a long sentence which came out in a tumble and my heart broke for him. It had to have been so hard confronting his mother like that, especially at his age.
‘What did she say to that?’ I asked gently.
‘She said it wasn’t that simple – that you weren’t myrealdad and Declan was. I asked her again about you abandoning me and she admitted that you did everything you couldto still see me but Declan wouldn’t let you.’ He stopped and looked up at me. ‘I’m sorry I shouted at you. I didn’t know.’
His voice cracked and tears spilled down his cheeks and I pulled him into my arms and held him as he sobbed, tears streaming down my own cheeks to see my son so upset, to think what my ex-wife had just done to all her children, to her poor parents. It might have been the wrong moment to claim a victory on my part but I felt he had to hear something positive and the only thing I could think of was to build on what he’d just said.
‘Ineverabandoned you, Aaron,’ I said, still holding him tightly. ‘I begged, pleaded and fought for you and, even though you were taken away from me, you have always,alwaysbeen my son and I’ve longed for a day when I could tell you that.’
Aaron’s arms tightened around me and I have no idea how long we stood there but I became aware of him shivering and released him so we could head home.
‘I’m really sorry about what happened with your mum but I’m struggling to see how that leads you to thinking it’s your fault that she flew back to Aus.’
‘Because she woke up the next morning all bubbly and smiley with a hotel in Nottingham booked and all these Robin Hood-related activities for herlovely familyand I called her out, told her she was fake. Next minute she’s got a tummy ache and we’re going on our own.’
I placed my arm gently on his shoulder to stop him walking and turned to face him. ‘It’s not your fault, Aaron. Not even in the slightest. I don’t think she ever had any intention of going to Nottingham. I believe it’s something she planned so that you would all be far from home and wouldn’t be able to see her packing and leaving and, by the time you got back and found her note, it’d be too late and she’d already be on the plane like the note said.’
His brow creased.
‘Did you hear what I said?’
He nodded slowly. ‘So the tummy ache was fake?’
‘All of it was fake. We can’t be sure without speaking to your mum but, knowing her as I do, I’m 99.99 per cent certain that was to get you all out of the way so nobody could try and stop her.’
‘So she planned to abandon us all along?’
