Preparing the day’s scones in the café kitchen a little later, my face ached from smiling. Last night with Jed had been truly incredible. He’d been so gentle with me, checking I was comfortable with everything we did. I’d expected to feel nervous and tense being with a man after nearly fifteen years of abstinence but it hadn’t been like that at all. I was pretty sure that taking a few months to really get to know each other, to build that trust and a deep emotional connection had been the key to such a special first time together.
With a batch of scones in the oven, I began measuring out the ingredients for a coffee and walnut cake and suddenly registered what date it had been yesterday – the first of the month. Jed and I had first kissed on the first of the month exactly three months ago in December. It had been a big day for him with Yorkshire’s Best opening for business followed by the Christmas lights switch-on in town and the Castle Street traders’ pub crawl. We’d said goodbye to the traders but the steep walk up Sandy Bank from the seafront had been hard work after a few drinks. Stopping off in a pub halfway, we’d opened up about our pasts and that’s when a blossoming friendship had moved into something so much deeper.
I was still smiling when Maria arrived for work.
‘You look happy,’ she said.
‘I’m always happy.’
‘I mean extra happy. There’s a glow about you and… Oh, my God! You and Jed. You’ve gone tothe next level.’
There was no point denying it as it was written all over my face.
‘Aw, I’m so chuffed for you. Was it okay? Are you okay?’
‘It was amazing –hewas amazing. He’d already exorcised my Christmas demons and my New Year ones and now he’s exorcised my intimacy ones.’
‘I remember the day we stood by the window looking at the sold sign going up over the road. You thought he was opening another café and I believe the wordarrogant gitmight have been used. I also distinctly remember you shuddering atthe thought of seeing his smug face every single day.’
I cringed as I recognised my exact words. ‘Don’t remind me.’
‘And now you’re sleeping with the enemy,’ she said, laughing. ‘Honestly, Tara, I couldn’t be happier for you both. You know I’m only teasing about how it started. I love your story and I think you’re so much stronger because of that shaky start. In fact, I think you’re perfect together.’
‘So do I.’
‘You’re not going to believe what I’ve just found in my bag,’ Jed called across the flat that evening. We were having Sunday lunch with my parents tomorrow so it made sense for him to stay over again, although we hadn’t needed an excuse, both of us eager to repeat last night.
‘Do I want to know?’ I asked, joining him in the bedroom.
‘Catch!’
I looked down at the box of condoms in my hands. A Post-it note was stuck to them displaying the messageHave fun! Stay safe!accompanied by several winky faces and hearts.
‘Lucy?’ I asked, giggling.
‘Yep. When did the parent–child role reverse? I feel like I’ve just had the safe sex talk from my sixteen-year-old.’
I tossed the box back to him. ‘Does everyone know we’re sleeping together?’ I’d already told him about Maria’s reaction first thing and she hadn’t been the only one. Carly had stopped by this afternoon wanting hot chocolates for her and Bethany and she’d picked up on it immediately too.
‘It certainly looks that way. Are you bothered?’
‘I thought I would be, but I’m actually not. I know it’s only because they all care, although I have to wonder how I managed to go from being the queen of keeping my entire life secret to being such an open book. Now my two closest friends only need to take one look at me and they know everything.’
He glanced down at the box and smiled before dropping it into his bag and taking my hand in his. ‘Now that we have taken that step, there’s something we should probably talk about – make sure we’re on the same page.’
‘Children?’ I asked, gently pulling him down to sit on the bed beside me.
‘Yes. I can’t believe we haven’t discussed this before now.’
I nodded. ‘Me neither. I’ve thought about it though.’
‘And what have your thoughts been?’
I grimaced. ‘It’s hard to say in case you feel differently. I don’t want to cause any awkwardness.’
Jed adjusted his position so he could see me better. ‘Whatever your thoughts are, my feelings towards you aren’t going to change and I promise things won’t be awkward. I do have a preference but it’s not a strong one. So, go on, what are you thinking?’
I couldn’t call it on what his preference was but, reading between the lines, he was willing to go with whatever I said so I shared everything that had been going on in my head since we’d got together, from thinking that I did wantchildren with Jed and fearing he might not want to start over through to the very recent realisation that I didn’t see children in my future after all.
