‘What are you going to do now?’ I asked once she’d settled back in her chair.
‘I don’t know. I can’t imagine living in Aus but not being with Declan. He was theonlyreason I went there in the first place.’
That could have felt like a jab to the stomach but it didn’t affect me at all. She might not have come out and declared it quite so candidly before now, but I’d known it to be the truth.
‘I’ve quite enjoyed being back in the Bay. I hadn’t realised how much I’ve missed my parents and it’s been good to see a couple of old friends from school. One of my nursing colleagues in Aus has offered to pack up my stuff and send it on but that’s a huge task cos it’s not just my stuff – it’s Aaron’s and the twins’ things too. I could pay a fortune for shipping things we don’t need so, if it really is the end, I might have to go back and pack up the house myself. They’ve already told me at the hospital that I just have to say the word and I can return to nursing full time so I’d have a job sorted here and, with Declan selling up or buying me out, I’d be able to afford a house.’
‘Sounds like you’d have a good life back here.’
‘But I wouldn’t have Declan and…’ Tears pooled in her eyes once more and she blinked them back. ‘Lots to think about.’
‘Are you going to tell the girls?’
‘I thought you?—’
I cut her off with a shake of my head. ‘This needs to come from you and I suggest you tell them everything. You started off by asking why they didn’t speak to you. Unless that was a throwaway comment to get me onside before you made itall about Declan…’
It was her turn to shake her head. ‘I genuinely do care and I needed to hear that.’
‘In that case, this is your chance to have an honest heart-to-heart with them and try to repair some of the damage in your relationship. I’m not doing it for you.’
‘Fair enough. You’re right. If I talk to them and it’s a disaster, will you smooth things over? You’re so good at that.’
‘I’ll be the voice of reason, as always, but I can’t promise anything I say will have any impact. You’re the only one who can smooth things over but I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick because you have a hell of a lot of making up to do. Does Aaron know what’s going on?’
‘No, and you can’t tell him. I know you’ve been seeing him which, by the way, I don’t appreciate after I explicitly told you not to.’
‘I heard you but I repeatedly told you I wouldn’t reject him if he came to see me. He wants some help with his drawings so I’m giving him that.’
‘Do you like spending time with him?’
I raised my eyebrows. ‘What sort of question is that? Of course I do! You know how I feel about him.’
She glugged on her wine and poured herself another glass. ‘That thing I said to Declan about us getting back together and you raising the twins… What if that’s what we did? You’d be able to see Aaron every day, the girls would have a caring father, and?—’
‘And it would be a lie. You don’t love me. You never did.’
‘But I did care for you and maybe I could again. You were always so kind to me and you’re a fantastic dad. I never appreciated quite how brilliant you were at it until I saw how much Declan struggled. What do you think? It wouldn’t be perfect but I think we could be happy again. Don’t you?’
I stared at her, hardly able to believe I was hearing those words or that she looked like she believed what she was saying.
‘We weren’t happy, Ingrid. You made every decision in our life from the minor ones like the design of the bathroom tiles to the major ones like emigrating. If I protested, you made me feel like I was the one being awkward so I rolled over and let you have your way because, back then, I loved you and would do anything for you. When we got to Australia, it was like you stopped even trying with me. I know now that it’s because you’d got what you wanted – Declan back in your life. Knowing you were betraying me, you’d think that you’d let me have something to make me happy like a career I loved but you couldn’t even do that. You were never supportive of me when things took off, you didn’t come to the gallery opening and you showed no interest in anything I achieved. All you cared about was you and Declan so you’ll forgive me if I tell you where to shove your proposal. I don’t love you. I do feel sorry for you but you made your bed… I’ll always try to smooth things over so you can have a relationship with our girls but we are never, ever getting back together.’
‘Is this because you’re seeing that woman from the café?’
Frustration was building inside me. Was she hearing what I was saying? It was about Ingrid, not Tara!
‘I love Tara and I plan to spend the rest of my life with her but, even if there was no Tara, it would still be a categoric no to trying again with you.’
‘But why? This would get you what you’ve always wanted – full access to Aaron.’
‘That’s not fair,’ I snapped. ‘You can’t use him as a bargaining chip.’
‘But surely you’d at least want to think about it? And what about the twins?’
I felt like we were going round in circles. ‘What about them? I’d love to have a relationship with them but only because they’re Erin and Lucy’s half-siblings, not because I want to be their dad. I’ve never even met them so I don’t know where this idea that I’d want to raise them has come from.’
‘But you want to raise Aaron still.’
