‘Do you want me to tell you or not?’ Ingrid took another gulp from her drink while keeping her eyes fixed on mine.
‘Yes, please continue.’
‘Although he hasn’t admitted it, I suspect Declan proposed out of jealousy and I think he might even have suggested we have another baby for the same reason.’
‘I don’t follow. What was he jealous of? Me?’
‘Of course! I know it ended badly but we were happy for a while, weren’t we? We had lots of good times together.’
I didn’t want to analyse our relationship. Yes, I’d thought we were happy but knowing that she’d been in love with Declan the whole time put a different spin on it. As forlots of good times together, they were because of the kids and, for me, most of my positive memories were of times spent with the kids without Ingrid around.
Ingrid evidently realised I wasn’t going to respond so she continued. ‘Declan loved the idea of being a dad but the reality didn’t match that. He clashed with Aaron all the time and the more he tried to get Aaron to stop focusing on you, the more Aaron wanted to be with you. The girls hated him and they started to resent Aaron for getting all the attention. It was awful.’
The bit about Declan’s idea of fatherhood not matching reality was new to me but I knew the rest from Erin and Lucy and the feelings of despair I’d had for them escalated at hearing Ingrid saying the same thing. Such a sad chapter in our family’s story.
‘When the twins were born, Declan couldn’t cope. He’d never been around babies and hadn’t a clue what to do. If there’d just been one, I’d have managed but I needed his help with two and he was worse than useless. We fought constantly and the tensionin the house was unbearable. I didn’t want to subject Erin and Lucy to that and I thought that, if they moved back in with you permanently, things might improve between Declan and me. I knew it was what they wanted but I can see now how it would have looked like I was pushing them out to make way for the twins.’
‘You could have talked to them about it. They’d have understood.’
‘I’m sure they would have but I didn’t realise they’d feel pushed out so it never entered my head to explain my thoughts. So they left and I assumed it was what Declan wanted considering they’d never bonded with him. It actually made it worse because I hadn’t realised how much they’d been helping with Piper and Savannah and, when they weren’t there, I needed Declan even more and he wasn’t willing or able to step up. I kept thinking that, if we could just get past the sleepless nights phase, it would get better but it didn’t. And a few months ago it all blew up. Declan had been in a foul mood all week – problems at work – and had a few drinks to let off steam which loosened his tongue and out it all came about how much he hated our life. He accused me of trapping him into something that, from the moment we met, he’d been clear he never wanted. I’d been thinking of coming home for Christmas anyway after I found out about Dad so I booked a flight and that’s why nobody knew I was coming. Even I didn’t know I was coming.’
She stared into her glass, her shoulders drooped. ‘I thought the break would do us the world of good, that Declan would miss me and want me back, but…’
‘But it gave him the clarity to get out?’ I suggested after she tailed off.
‘Yep.’
She ran a finger around the rim of her wineglass – a tell for when she had something difficult to say. I remembered her doing the same thing before announcing she wanted to move to Australia and she’d done it when I’d confronted her with the truth about Aaron. My stomach was in knots, wondering what was coming next. She removed her finger and sat back.
‘Before I left, I said something stupid. It wasn’t something I’d been thinking about but, in the heat of the moment, it came out.’
‘What did you say?’ I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
‘I said that I might go back to you and let you raise the twins because you were a good dad and he wasn’t.’
I’d been feeling sorry for her and the deterioration of her marriage but now I was inflamed. Why drag me into it? As if I’d ever get back together with her.
‘Strewth, Ingrid! What possessed you to say something so ridiculous?’
‘I know! You don’t need to lecture me. I’ve beaten myself up enough about it because do you know what he went and did after I left? He hooked up with his ex-girlfriend.’
Tears tracked down her cheeks and I was back to feeling sorry for the mess she’d created.
She rummaged in her bag for a packet of tissues and wiped her eyes and cheeks.
‘Is the divorce a threat or is it actually happening?’ I asked gently.
‘He’s started the process.’
‘And is it what you want?’
‘I know it should be after what he’s done, but I pushed him into that and?—’
‘What you said was stupid but that didn’t give him permission to hook up with his ex.’
The tears kept coming and, with an apology, she hastened to the toilets. I exhaled heavily and took a swig of my drink. I hopedthat was the end of the revelations as this was like an episode from a soap opera and I wasn’t sure how much more I could bear.
Ingrid rejoined me eventually, her cheeks flushed, her eyes bloodshot.
