‘You’ve all got a big year ahead of you,’ I said.
‘I know! My head hurts thinking about it but it’s all exciting.’
‘If there’s anything I can do to help with the wedding plans, just give me a shout.’
‘To be honest, Bethany’s done most of it so far. She’s been doing stacks of research, presenting options she thinks we’ll like and ordering whatever we need. She’s a changed woman and so much happier.’
‘Speaking of making people happy, I’ve had an idea…’ I ran my friendship club idea by Carly.
‘That’s a genius idea and so very you. I’m happy to runsessions on cake decorating techniques if you think they’ll be of interest and I’ll volunteer Bethany’s services if you want any marketing support. She’s a whizz with it.’
‘Yes, please, to both. Anastasia’s great on the socials but she’s the target audience and I can’t help thinking that, if I get her involved in the behind-the-scenes stuff, she won’t get as much from it as if she’s a regular attendee. I have a name too. How does The Friendship Pod sound?’
‘Ooh! I like that! Like dolphins in a pod, looking out for each other.’
‘Exactly that! I want to launch soon – at the start of March – so would you mind asking Bethany in the morning if she’s okay to help? If she is, I can stop by when it’s quiet to brief her.’
After Carly left a little later, I stood by the arched window looking out onto Castle Street. A lone dog walker headed towards Castle Park and a couple holding hands passed in the direction of town but it was otherwise deserted. The woman appeared to be heavily pregnant, turning my thoughts to Carly’s news about Bethany. I was so pleased for her and Joshua. They’d make great parents. Bethany had excelled in her role at the nursery and Joshua had the patience of a saint. Carly and Liam would make brilliant parents too when they were ready to start their family. Would I?
I mulled that question over as I watched a black-and-white cat prowling along the street, dipping in and out of the doorways. Loads of our customers brought in their kids and I’d held babies, made toddlers giggle and chatted to so many young children over the years but could I imagine kids of my own? I tried to picture myself with a child but the images that sprang to mind weren’t of young children – they were of the students I mentored at the TEC and sixth form, my young members of staff who sometimes asked formy advice, and Zoe.
A nudge against my feet drew my gaze down to Hercules. I picked him up and snuggled him as I looked out of the window once more.
‘I’m not sure I see children in my future,’ I said to him. ‘I don’t think that’s the path for me.’
Saying the words out loud, I didn’t feel sad. If anything, I felt relieved. I always thought I’d pushed the idea of a family out of my mind because I couldn’t imagine ever meeting anyone but, now that I’d met my forever person, it seemed that the lack of a partner wasn’t the barrier after all. I was.
With a sigh, I turned away from the window and returned to the sofa with Hercules. At some point soon, I’d need to have a conversation with Jed to see where his thoughts were. I really hoped he didn’t want more children, which was unexpected. What was also unexpected was an overpowering feeling that I wanted to do more with teenagers and, particularly, those like Zoe who hadn’t had a great start in life and needed someone to believe in them. I had no idea what that might look like but it felt like the right path for me. Would Jed agree?
23
JED
The first day of March arrived and life had definitely settled into a routine. Aaron had come to the gallery after school for an art lesson for four Thursdays in a row and, for the past fortnight, had appeared on a Tuesday too. His technique had improved significantly and so had the conversations between us. We hadn’t directly addressed the elephant in the room – the truth behind me disappearing from his life – but I couldn’t help feeling as though we were leading up to that as he’d started asking questions about his early childhood. He’d been curious about how his drawings had inspired my style and that had led to questions about what he’d been like – favourite books, toys, when he’d started walking, whether he’d always loved swimming and so on. I drew on as many memories as I could muster and made sure every anecdote conveyed how much he’d meant to me and also to his sisters, and what a gift it had been to spend those first six years with him.
Erin and Lucy had told me that Aaron was back in touch with them on WhatsApp. It had started with him sharing some of his artwork with them and asking if they had any feedbackand had progressed into general chitchat. Last night Lucy told me that she felt like she was finally getting her little brother back and that she was going to suggest they meet up at some point soon.
Aaron still hadn’t told Ingrid about his gallery visits. She’d registered as bank staff at the hospital and had secured twelve-hour shifts every Tuesday and Thursday so was still at work when Aaron arrived home. His grandparents believed he was doing his homework at the library on those days and I felt bad about that – as though it was me lying to them – but not guilty enough to stop Aaron from coming.
The business was thriving. We’d had a fairly decent footfall across February, massively rising during the school half-term holidays, but online sales had really taken off thanks to Anastasia’s brilliant promotional activities.
We’d had a move around in the gallery today, taking the arrival of March as the perfect moment to introduce spring. My spring-themed artwork adorned the walls and windows and the crafters whose products I stocked had embraced the theme too. It was a little early for anything Easter-related but it wouldn’t be long before we made that a focus.
‘It’s spot on,’ I said to Anastasia as we stood on the cobbles looking at the window display she’d just finished. She hadn’t been planning to include any of her watercolours in the window but I’d insisted on her original bluebell wood canvas going in. We were expecting the prints from her work very soon and I was sure that one would be popular.
We went back inside and Anastasia repositioned a couple of items while my gaze moved round the rest of the gallery. The arrival of spring looked brilliant but the downside of the start of a new month was that it was another step closer to Aaron returning to Australia. It was no longerin a few months’ time. It was nownextmonthand my heart felt heavy at the thought of losing him again. Thank goodness I had Tara to lean on.
Our relationship continued to go from strength to strength. She occasionally checked that I was comfortable with the lack of intimacy but I assured her it didn’t bother me. A successful relationship was made up of so many different aspects and sex was one of them but, in my mind, not the most important. I was enjoying getting a deeper connection with her through our conversations.
‘A good start to the month,’ Anastasia declared, running off the sales report after I locked the door at the end of the day. ‘I can’t believe I sold another watercolour today.’
There’d been lots of positive comments about her bluebells in the window but it was a smaller one of the beach huts which had sold.
‘Any closer to believing in your talents?’ I asked.
She shrugged but smiled. ‘Getting there. Slowly. It doesn’t feel real, like it’s not my work I’m selling.’
‘To be honest, I’m not sure that feeling’ll ever leave you. I still find it surreal when anyone buys my work.’
