Lucy nodded. ‘Same here.’
‘You must have some happy memories of your mum,’ Janice said, her voice gentle. ‘You’re both hurting right now so it’s understandable you’d focus more on the negatives.’
The girls exchanged looks.
‘Mum was never around,’ Erin said. ‘Dad was the one who took us to after-school clubs and parties, took us shopping, swimming, to the park.’
Lucy nodded once more. ‘Most days out were just with Dad and, if Mum was there, she was always distracted. If I fell over, I wanted my dad, never my mum and she’s a nurse so what does that tell you?’
‘Dad read us stories at bedtime,’ Erin said. ‘He did crafts with us, played games, and never complained when we wanted to dress him up as a princess or a fairy.’
‘He let us paint his face and nails and cover him in glitter,’ Lucy said. ‘Baking, gardening, tidying our rooms – all done withDad – and yet shehad the nerve to take us away from him to live with that great galah.’
‘And sent us back when the twins came along,’ Erin added, her voice cracking. ‘Didn’t object when we told her we were moving to England, either.’
Zack put his arm round Erin and kissed the top of her head. Jed was sitting beside me and I reached for his hand under the table. He squeezed it tightly. Although the girls were full of compliments about him, I was fairly certain Jed would be focusing more on the criticisms about Ingrid and feeling the pain of the strained relationship the girls clearly had with their mother. It couldn’t be easy to hear so much negativity directed towards the woman he’d once loved and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was blaming himself, thinking he could have done more to smooth things over but, from what I’d heard from them all, I don’t think there was anything more he could have done and I’d tell him so in private later. What I saw was a man who had stepped into the role of mum and dad when Ingrid fell short, doing whatever he could to ensure his children didn’t miss out. His approach was very like the one my dad had taken, making sure I still had a full and happy childhood even though Mum was often too ill to do things with us.
As I listened to Janice, Richie and Jed taking it in turns to remind the girls of some fun times they’d had involving Ingrid, I marvelled at the parenting skills they all had. Even though Ingrid didn’t deserve their kindness, they recognised that she was still Erin and Lucy’s mother and that they could play a positive part in ensuring that relationship wasn’t completely destroyed, despite Ingrid seemingly doing her best to press the destruct button.
I knew that Jed had had a happy childhood and had always been really close to his parents, which had clearly influenced his approach to parenthood, but hadn’t Jed said thatIngrid’s parents were lovely people too and that she’d also had a happy childhood? It therefore didn’t always follow that the child picked up on the skills of the parents. I wondered what Ingrid was like around the twins because I didn’t get the sense that her relationship with Aaron was great. Perhaps Ingrid was one of those people who shouldn’t be a parent. I’d heard from customers how hard it could be and I suspected it was too great a challenge for some.
Would I have been a good parent? When I was a child, I’d always assumed I’d have children of my own but so many years of shutting myself off from relationships had taken that away as an option and I’d accepted going through life as a lone wolf. Except I’d now found my pack and my mate.
Jed and I hadn’t spoken about children. I knew he loved being a dad but the girls were all grown up at eighteen and sixteen. Would he want to start all over again with babies, especially now that he was in his forties? I was five years younger than him, turning thirty-seven in May, but was it too late for me? Plenty of women did have children later in life but the odds of conceiving diminished with age and, of course, you needed to actually have sex to conceive a child. I loved Jed with all my heart but I was so badly scarred by my past that I had no idea when I’d be ready to take that step. I hoped I’d be able to because, if I couldn’t, there’d definitely be no babies in my future.
14
JED
Erin and Zack returned to university, Lucy started the new term at the TEC and that first week passed with no sign of Aaron or Ingrid. As we moved into the following week, I assumed Aaron had listened to her and accepted that he couldn’t have art lessons from me. Wally the wombat sat on his chair in my studio and, every time I looked at him, a wave of sadness washed over me. I missed Aaron, but I had done from the moment I was cut out of his life so nothing had changed there. The overriding sadness for me right now was Ingrid’s refusal to let me help him nurture his talent. It was plausible that she hadn’t realised how much drawing meant to him, especially as he’d had to do it in secret, but she knew now and it seemed she still wasn’t supporting his passion. Or maybe she was and it was just that she didn’t want me to be involved.
Thursday was a quiet day for the gallery, intermittent rain showers and a blustery wind keeping the customers away, so I spent most of the day in my studio while Anastasia kept shop. We were an hour from closing when she called up the stairs that I had a visitor. One of the local crafters whose products I stockedhad said she’d stop by with a new range at some point this week so I assumed it would be her but I was stunned to see it was Aaron. It was so strange seeing him looking all grown up in his senior school uniform that I just stared at him for a moment, lost for words.
‘Can I still have art lessons from you?’ he asked.
Ingrid’s voice was in my head telling me to stay away from him but I hushed it. This wasn’t about her.
‘Of course you can. Now?’
‘Yeah, or next Tuesday after school.’
‘Now’s fine. Come upstairs.’ I led him into my studio. Even though I knew what the answer would be, I had to ask. ‘Does your mum know you’re here?’
Aaron hesitated and I suspected he was debating whether or not to lie. ‘No,’ he said eventually. ‘She told me I wasn’t allowed to visit you again and that I had to come up with a sensible career choice.’
That comment made me smart. Throughout our relationship, she’d belittled my interest in drawing, had been dismissive of any compliments from others and had given me no encouragement when I’d wanted to open my own gallery. Fortunately, I’d believed in myself in my thirties in a way I hadn’t previously and I’d refused to let someone push me off the path I was clearly destined to follow. If Aaron had dreams, I wasn’t going to stand by and let them be squashed.
‘It’s not ideal that she’s not on board,’ I said, ‘but you’ve got real potential so I’d like to help you. What would you like to work on first?’
‘Animal eyes.’
‘Okay. You look in that cupboard for a sketchpad and pencils while I make a coffee, then we’ll go down to the gallery and I’llshow you examples from some of my artwork before you have a go.’
I’d been a rule-follower all my life and it didn’t sit comfortably with me spending time with Aaron when Ingrid had explicitly said I couldn’t. But it made me even more uncomfortable thinking of him having a talent and a dream to do something with it but with no support or encouragement. He deserved better so I was going to break Ingrid’s rule and enjoy every moment of having my boy back with me, united by a shared passion. I wasn’t able to be his dad but I was damned if Ingrid was going to stop me from being his teacher and his cheerleader.
We took a break after an hour and Aaron wandered over to Wally the wombat and picked him up.
‘Mum flipped when she saw him.’
