The buildings, cobbles and streetlamps all dated back to the Victorian era when Whitsborough Bay became the UK’s first seaside resort and thrived from the tourism. I watched the flakes for several minutes, mesmerised, and jumped when Jed grabbed my hand.
‘Get your boots and coat on,’ he said, grinning at me.
‘Why?’
‘Trust me!’
I trusted him implicitly so I did as he asked and followed him down the stairs, through the café and outside.He strode to the centre of the street, thrust his arms out to either side, tipped his head back, opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out.
‘Refreshing!’ he said, looking towards me, his eyes shining. ‘Fancy some snow?’
I joined him, put my arms out and turned in a slow circle. Snowflakes caressed my cheeks, caught in my hair, melted on my tongue. As Jed took hold of my hands and we leaned back from each other, still catching snowflakes and laughing, I imprinted the moment in my memory. From now on, when I thought of New Year’s Eve, this was what I’d picture and this was how I’d feel. No more anger and frustration at myself and no more time wasted on two people who didn’t deserve it. Jed had told me about seeing each New Year as a fresh chapter in a book and I was going to do the same. And if this was the book of my life, I was going to rip out the chapters featuring Garth and Leanne because they didn’t belong in my memories and they didn’t belong in my future either.
‘Hot chocolate?’ I asked Jed when we retreated back inside, shaking our arms and stamping our feet to dislodge the snow.
‘Yes, please. I’m freezing now!’
He requested a hazelnut one and I opted for white chocolate. Upstairs, we found Hercules and Doris curled up asleep in Doris’s bed, seemingly oblivious to us having ever left. Jed took a photo and sent it to Lucy who responded with several heart emojis.
Settling in front of the log burner with our drinks, Jed asked me whether January on Castle Street was busy, which led into a discussion about our hopes for our businesses for the year ahead. Hearing Jed talk about the early days of his gallery reminded me of conversations I’d had with Carly five years ago after she opened Carly’s Cupcakes next door. Having already set up and run a successful gallery in Australia, Jed wasn’t nervous like Carlyhad been, but there were still uncertainties, especially when trying to get established in a different country. I loved how Jed was so relaxed about it, embracing all the positives around exciting decisions to make and ideas to try out rather than fretting about what could go wrong. His optimism helped fuel mine.
A little later, I took the empty mugs into the kitchen and returned via the arched window. Our footprints from earlier had been completely covered and several inches of snow were now resting on the arms of the lampposts.
‘Still coming down heavily,’ Jed said as he joined me.
‘If it continues like this, you might be stuck here tonight.’
As I spoke the words out loud, I realised that I wanted him to stay. I wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy yet, but I loved the idea of the New Year – my new positive Garth- and Leanne-free chapter – dawning with the man I loved by my side.
‘I can sleep on the sofa,’ he said, ‘or I can go over the road if you have some spare blankets. Or I can go home now. Or maybe?—’
I silenced him with a kiss.
‘I’d like you to stay the night here, in my bed, but…’
He hugged me against his chest and kissed the top of my head. ‘I understand. No pressure from me at any time.’
The long walk and the play in the snow earlier had wiped us both out and we were struggling to keep our eyes open. We managed to stay up until midnight but sleep was calling. I had a spare toothbrush in the bathroom but I couldn’t help Jed with a change of clothing so he kept his underwear and T-shirt on to keep warm and we snuggled under the duvet together.
‘Thanks for understanding and being patientwith me,’ I said as I lay against his chest. ‘You do know it’s because of what happened and nothing to do with how I feel about you?’
‘I get it, Tara, I really do. You set the pace. We’ll take everything as slowly as you want. There’s no rush. I’m not planning on going anywhere.’
Lying in Jed’s arms felt surprisingly natural. After a while, his breathing steadied and I could tell he’d dropped off to sleep. I carefully extricated myself from under his arm and lay on my side watching him, feeling somewhat overwhelmed with how much love I felt for him, especially after such a short space of time. He’d told me when we got together that he saw me and he truly did. I was so grateful to him for the light-bulb moment earlier. I genuinely hadn’t realised that I was blaming myself. Letting go of that felt liberating. He’d helped me through so much and I hoped I could do the same for him as he navigated his way through the situation with Aaron.
Despite feeling so tired earlier, my mind was now awake, reflecting and expanding on the subjects we’d explored across the evening. I thought about the year ahead for The Chocolate Pot. Maria had offered to step up to give me another day off and I’d told her I’d see how January went but what was the point in delaying it when I already knew I needed it? She’d more than proved her brilliance at managing the team while I was away and it struck me that having her step up as the manager for two days a week wasn’t enough. It was time to reward her for her loyalty and competence by making it a full-time role. It would mean having two managers in on some days but Maria and I had worked together for long enough to make it work. I smiled to myself, thinking how delighted she’d be with that news to kickstart the New Year. With that big decision reached, I fully relaxed and finally drifted off to sleep.
9
JED
The first few days after New Year saw a steady flow of customers into Yorkshire’s Best. I had Anastasia in working full time and Lucy was in every day too, keen to work as many hours as she could before the new term started. I spent most of the time in my temporary studio upstairs, only coming down to the gallery to cover lunch and breaks.
During my first month of trading, the artwork I’d created incorporating recognisable local landmarks had proved popular so I wanted to create several new locally set collections this year, the first of which was inspired by the Boxing Day activities. Although it didn’t make sense to launch them until the autumn when thoughts were turning to Christmas once more, I wanted to commit them to canvas now while the scenes, atmosphere and feelings were strongest in my mind.
The first piece, inspired by the raft race, was complete. A pair of sheep were the clear victors, rafting around a buoy in the harbour, while another pair of sheep were clinging onto each other as the ropes loosened on their raft and the barrels slipped away. I’d started but temporarily abandoned the second piece. Itdepicted the fancy dress dip and it had been going well but I hadn’t been able to stop my mind from replaying Aaron’s moment of heroism so I’d moved onto a fresh canvas and created that real-life scene instead. I’d chosen the moment where Aaron was holding the swimmer up in the water and the inshore lifeboat was approaching them but drawing it had evoked another swirl of emotions inside me. I felt like such a proud parent, but that was tinged with sadness and anger that my parenting had been cut short. It wouldn’t go in the gallery – probably wouldn’t even be seen by anyone except Tara – but I’d had to capture it on canvas to forever keep a little piece of my son in my life.
At noon on Friday, Lucy appeared in the studio to grab her bag and coat.
