I nod.
"I've never thought about that. I've always had everything I wanted," he states with a frown.
"Everything?" I raise an eyebrow.
He's pensive for a moment before answering.
"Someone to trust."
"You've never trusted anyone in your life?" My tone betrays the disbelief I feel at his statement.
Even with my parents and my isolation, I'd still had Lia, and she's had my confidence since the beginning. I can't imagine not havinganyoneto trust.
He shakes his head, a rueful smile on his lips.
"All the riches in the world don't give us what we crave the most."
"And what is that?"
"Your turn now," he deflects, and I pout, put off that he didn't answer. "What's something you've always wanted, little tigress?"His hand is still on my face, and using his thumb, he tips my head up so I'm looking into his eyes.
"Freedom," I simply state, and his pupils seem to grow bigger.
"Freedom…" Enzo repeats. "And what would you do with freedom?"
"Be whoever I want… eat whatever I want, dress however I want, marry whoever I want," the words spill from my lips as wetness accumulates in my eyes.
There's enough water around, I don't need to add more.
But I can't help myself. Not when I realize I'll never be able to do any of the things I'd dreamed about. If they had seemed inconceivable from my gilded cage, they are now impossible—death the only outcome.
"Shh, don't cry," he wipes a tear from my eye, slowly bringing it to his lips and tasting it. My mouth opens in an O, the gesture entirely unexpected.
"There's freedom in death too, you know. In the way you leave behind all your worries," his finger continues to softly caress my cheek, "all your fears. Who knows, maybe it's not even the end."
"Do you think so?" I'd read the scripture and followed the guidance of the church because that was expected of me, but I'd also tapped into the Ancients. Maybe because of my circumstances, I'd empathized the most with Heraclitus' teachings—everything flows. For if everything changes, then I too would become something else and escape my current condition.
"I can't claim I know," his mouth pulls up in a cheeky smile. "But I'll let you know soon."
Maybe it's because we're nearing the end, but even his bad jokes can't get on my nerves anymore.
"Heraclitus," I take a deep breath. "We are and we are not. Maybe it's not death… just change," I whisper, and the intensity in his eyes seems to swallow me whole.
The sea is restless as the waves carry us, our bodies fitted to one another, our breaths mingling in the darkness of the night.
"Change… I like that. But he also said that fire is the essence of all things, and this," he nods towards the sea, "is extinguishing our fire."
For the first time, I laugh. I throw my head back and laugh, and I hear Enzo joining me.
"We should aim to feed the fire, lest it die," he comments, and I don't know what he could possibly mean.
I can barely feel my feet anymore. Even my arms are losing sensation. I stare at Enzo, his lips purple, his skin pale.
We're almost out of fire.
"How?" I don't care what he says as long as it takes my mind off our impending fate. And for a moment, I'm glad he's here with me—we're not alone as we stare death right in the face.
His thumb swipes across my lips, parting them.
