I can't hold it in anymore. I simply start bawling, leaning into him as he wraps his arms around my body. I'm crying and shivering—for the small boy that grew up fearing the shadows, and for the man who eschewed intimacy for so long because of his trauma.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" I ask through sobs and hiccups.
"I was ashamed," he admits, his voice low in my ear. "I didn't want you to see me as… less."
"Oh, Enzo." My palms go to his cheeks, and I bring him into me, smashing my lips to his. "I could never see you as anything but mine," I say against him, letting go of the last of my resentment.
"Tigress." He pulls me back. "There's more I need to tell you." He takes a deep breath, his features worn down. "I know I behaved badly, but I was so scared that you were going to leave me, and I was so fucking in love with you that I kept on doing stupid shit."
"It's okay," I'm quick to assure him, but he shakes his head.
"It's not okay. I treated you like a prisoner, and I… God, I even snooped in your diary to try to get you to fall in love with me," he admits, and my mouth opens in shock.
"The worst is… I read that you wanted to leave me, and I—" He takes a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. "Damn it!" he curses, his face scrunched up in pain. "I switched out your birth control pills to get you pregnant, thinking that a baby would keep you by my side."
"You what?" I burst out, taken aback by his confession.
I can't say I hadn't suspected he might have had something to do with the surprise pregnancy—especially as he'd been sure of the pregnancy even before we got the doctor's confirmation. But I would never have guessed he would admit it himself.
"I know it was wrong, but I couldn't let you leave. Fucking hell! After I basically raped you, I knew you'd only hate memore, and I was so scared you'd leave me that I started becoming unbearably controlling." The words are spilling out of his mouth at such a pace that I can only watch, flabbergasted, as the revelations keep rolling.
"You didn't rape me." I frown, latching onto that word. "Why would you think that?"
"Fuck! I don't remember much of that night, but I do remember you saying no. And I took the choice from you."
"Enzo, you didn't rape me," I tell him again. He might have frightened me with his aggression, but I'd welcomed all his attentions.
"But you said no," he repeats, his face resembling that of a sad puppy.
"If I remember correctly, I saidnot like this, but I wanted you just as much."
He seems to process my words, his brows moving up and down.
"Why don't you remember?" I ask suddenly. Even my rather tipsy self had managed to retain most of the details of the night.
His lips stretch in a thin line.
"Lucia drugged me. She probably hoped I'd kill you in my manic state, but clearly, even drugged out of my mind, I'd never lift a hand against you," he adds dryly.
Now, his behavior after that night starts to make sense. He'd been distant but increasingly restrictive. All because he thought he'd taken me against my will.
Oh, Enzo!
"You thought I hated you," I state, the realization flooring me.
He just nods, his expression open and vulnerable.
"I didn't know how to keep you with me," he says in a whisper, and I lean into him, kissing his cheek.
"You could have just told me you loved me, and I would never even have thought of leaving."
"I screwed up; I know. Looking back, I have no excuse for it other than I was scared. Scared of what I felt for you, scared you'd leave me, scared you hated me—I just spiraled into thinking that one day you'd be gone, and I saw myself and what I'd become without you, and trust me, it's not pretty."
"Enzo…" I tilt my head to the side, studying him and taking in this new man before me. Because he's never let me in like this before.
"What about Chiara, then? And the photos?" I ask, afraid of the answer but tentatively placing my trust in him.
"You might think I'm lying, but I knew something was wrong with her from the moment I saw her." He proceeds to tell me all about the first few weeks and how he cared for Luca on his own, afraid to leave him unattended even for a moment. He recounts how he felt when he found out what Chiara had done to me, and that he was ready to kill everyone—he'd been so crazed with grief.
